SummerLady Posted July 14, 2010 Posted July 14, 2010 So I am finally going to meet my SO's kids. They are moving here from far away and I have a bad feeling. I do not expect them to love me or be instant friends I am not dumb BUT his exwife is just a mess to put in plainly. They have been divorced for about 8 years. My SO has has 1 other major relationship before me and this woman was a big part of his life and his kids. So this is not the kids first time at the Rodeo. His kids are 16 and 18. The problem is her. She never really got over my SO and now that we are living together and live so far from her and are about to become a blended family she is flipping her lid. She is crying to the kids, making them feel guilty about coming here and acting like an AZZ. He showed me the emails they exchanged and she tried to get him back in the emails and he nicely told her NO we never never worked and never ever will ...I think she knows this is it for him, we are planning on marrying next year once everything is settled. The problem is these kids are never going like me not one bit if she keeps this up. I swear to you that my SO never ever lead her on. They broke clean 8 years ago but he always lived one town away so she never thought about it till he moved 2000 miles away, so now she flips? I think SO is handling her well-per the emails I saw but how is this kid thing going turn out, I am just frustrated and feel bad for the kids. Any feedback would be appreciated new to all this.
Confused_in_canada Posted July 14, 2010 Posted July 14, 2010 I have a friend who is almost in the same boat as you. His ex-wife is a lunatic. They have 2 kids around the same ages as you describe and if these kids that you are about to meet have any smarts they'll know your nothing like their Mom. At that age the kids want to be where they feel safe and loved and if you can help provide that with this new environment then the transition should be fairly smooth. Take it slow and don't expect them to be your instant friends... As long as the kids know that they have parents that love them then that's all that matters... Ev
Author SummerLady Posted July 14, 2010 Author Posted July 14, 2010 I have a friend who is almost in the same boat as you. His ex-wife is a lunatic. They have 2 kids around the same ages as you describe and if these kids that you are about to meet have any smarts they'll know your nothing like their Mom. At that age the kids want to be where they feel safe and loved and if you can help provide that with this new environment then the transition should be fairly smooth. Take it slow and don't expect them to be your instant friends... As long as the kids know that they have parents that love them then that's all that matters... Ev Thanks for that. Its just so hard and now we have an irrational adult making it worse. I am very realistic. Not looking to replace anyone's mom, I have 2 kids.
linwood Posted July 14, 2010 Posted July 14, 2010 I don`t have any advice on how to deal with the Ex sorry. However you are about to become the stepmother to two teens and I really don`t think you have an idea of what you are in for. I seriously recommend you research some step parenting forums to get an idea before you make this final step of marriage. Find out how it`s going for those who are there or have been there. Please take my advice as I know what I`m talking about. Raising someone elses kids is no freaking picnic, especially teens. Please please give the relationship you`ll have with these kids some very deep serious thought and study.
califnan Posted July 14, 2010 Posted July 14, 2010 I don`t have any advice on how to deal with the Ex sorry. However you are about to become the stepmother to two teens and I really don`t think you have an idea of what you are in for. I seriously recommend you research some step parenting forums to get an idea before you make this final step of marriage. Find out how it`s going for those who are there or have been there. Please take my advice as I know what I`m talking about. Raising someone elses kids is no freaking picnic, especially teens. Please please give the relationship you`ll have with these kids some very deep serious thought and study. ---------------- Fortuneatly these children are older .. they have already been pretty much raised. If I were a so-called "step parent" I would just do what I could to enhance their lives while giving them plenty of space with their father - and don't mess with their relationship with their real mother.. She is their biological mother in spite of what you and your SO think of her .. If the children will not always love her - they should.. Forget the "boundaries" and "blending" .. They are Individuals, who have been transplanted.. Just take it one step at a time..
califnan Posted July 14, 2010 Posted July 14, 2010 ---------------- Fortuneatly these children are older .. they have already been pretty much raised. If I were a so-called "step parent" I would just do what I could to enhance their lives while giving them plenty of space with their father - and don't mess with their relationship with their real mother.. She is their biological mother in spite of what you and your SO think of her .. If the children will not always love her - they should.. Forget the "boundaries" and "blending" .. They are Individuals, who have been transplanted.. Just take it one step at a time.. ---------------------- sorry .. I attached my comment to the wront post .. should have been to the OP ..
Enchanted Girl Posted July 15, 2010 Posted July 15, 2010 Don't say anything mean about the EX in front of the kids and be as nice to her as you can and open about letting the kids visit her. If they see you being nice to her, it will be harder for them to hate you, especially if you have some sympathy for her. I'm not excusing her behavior, but the situation she is in right now is really bad for her. You don't deserve to be punished for it, but if you don't treat her like an enemy, it will keep the kids from feeling like they are choosing sides as much. I know it will be hard though. There's absolutely no easy way out of this situation for any of you.
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