elfuergo Posted July 14, 2010 Posted July 14, 2010 hey guys, im new to this forum.. i feel this is the only place i can express myself as i dont really want my family and friends to know what im going through.. sorry to drain it with my story, but some advice will be much appreciated.. i was with this girl for 2 and a half years, we started dating when we were both 16. i was her first boyfriend and she was my first serious girlfriend. i was crazy over her from the start. it was the typical young love scenario at first.. we planned on getting married, going to college together, having kids etc.. we would have our ocasional arguments and all but we managed to last 2 and a half years.. after about 2 years i started having doubts about my feelings for her.. mainly because i felt restricted. i turned 18 while she was still 17 and i wanted to experience life.. i wouldnt go out with my friends because she was getting jealous and complaining, i didnt have any other girl friends because again, she was jealous and it would just lead to us arguing.. that said, i was treating her pretty much the same.. i started feeling as though i was missing out on so many things. my firends would go out to night clubs and everything and id be at home.. i just really felt liek i was missing out on so much.. i kept thinking 'i dont want to look back in a few years time and think, i missed the best years of my life.' (and no, it wasnt just about going out to night clubs.. there were many more things.). so yeahh i was 18, she was still 17, and i broke up with her. it was the hardest decison ive ever made.. one of my uncles told me to break up with her the first time i told him i was having doubts about her.. he said that i only think i love her because shes my first serious girlfriend. he told me that id get over it in a few months. (my family didnt really like me being so 'whipped' over a girl at such a young age.. my dad always told me to mess around with other girls so i can gain experience and not just stick to one.. he told me that when im older and ready to settle down i should look for ONE girl.) anyway, so with my uncles advice, i built up teh courage to break up with her. a whole year passed, im 19 now, shes turning 19 in october, and ive thought about her every single day.. i've experiened the night life, ive been out with my friends, done whatever.. and ive realised non of it was worth breaking up with her for. we had a nasty break up with lots of arguments.. lots of things were said and i couldnt put aside my pride and tell her that i still loved her. now ive come to teh point where i cant even sleep anymore, im going crazy.. i was ready to tell her how i feel, hoping maybe she would give me another chance until i found out that shes been with another guy for teh last 3 months. i did some facebook stalking (lol desperate times call for desperate measures) and she seems so happy with him.. i cant bare to look at their photos together let alone see their lovey dovey messages to eachother.. honestly i just thought she would never be able to move on because she had experienced so much with me. i was her first kiss. and she always told me how much that meant to her. i would always compare new girls that i met to her, but no one was quiet like her. and i thought she would feel the same about me.. but i guess i got what i deserved.. and the thing is, now shes experienced so many things with this new guy shes with.. she started dating him after she turned 18 so they both had cars (legal driving age in aus is 18).. they would meet up for dinner and breakfast, they would stay out late and be togetehr all night.. me and her never had the chance to do those things because of our age.. now shes experiencing things for teh first time on a different level, and it scares me that shes forgetting all teh things ive experienced with her. i just dont know what to do.. theres so many things i feel at the moment but i cant explain it all. i cant tell her how i feel now, because i dont have the right to interrupt their relationship. i know, i deserve what i got, i made some stupid decisions and stupid mistakes.. and i know im young, but this isnt one of those young love scenarios. believe me, ive matured alot since then and i can see how radical i was being back then.. ive got a much more educated outlook on life and i know i cant do without this girl! its just killing me to know that shes happy with someone else.. i literally find myself praying every night that we can be together again, but i guess ive stuffed up so bad even a prayer cant save me! has anybody got any advice for me? im sorry for the essay, but this is teh first time ive actually tried getting this out. thank you for bothering to read..
Thorgs Posted July 14, 2010 Posted July 14, 2010 First loves are really hard to get over. You're still young, but you know what they say, "All is fair in love and war." If she's in a relationship then who cares if you interrupt her current relationship. You only live once. If she was married that would be a different story. Do you still talk to her? In my opinion, I would say move on. What happens if you contact her and she doesn't want to have anything to do with you? That will feel even worse, TRUST ME! Unless you are strong enough to handle that. If you do end up contacting her and telling her how you feel, then listen to these words closely, "prepare for the worst but hope for the best". Best of luck with whatever you decide.
Nikki Sahagin Posted July 17, 2010 Posted July 17, 2010 I don't know if this advice will be popular but if you regret your decision I think you should tell her so that you are being honest with her and honest with yourself. The downside of this is that she may be over you and so it will only feed her ego and you may end up feeling 'silly' afterwards. But alternatively, by not speaking up, you are silencing what you want. I say, let go of pride and tell her and as the above poster said, prepare for the worse but hope for the best. You don't really know the circumstances of this new relationship. It may be a rebound. At least then you will know where you stand and have closure and if necessary, we can help you with the process of moving on.
Author elfuergo Posted July 17, 2010 Author Posted July 17, 2010 thank you so much for the advice guys! i actually feel like someone understands me! i guess you guys are right.. i should tell her, but its going to take a lot of courage on my behalf. my ex girlfriend knows most of my friends, and her new boyfriend used to be an old friend.. so he kinda knows most of my friends aswell.. like Nikki Sahagin said, i might feel a little silly afterwards because everyone will find out about this. if only people would keep their mouths shut.. im really confused about teh whole situation. my feelings are clear, but the fear of facing everyone is holding me back.. i guess i need to pull myself together, think about everything and do the right thing..
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