JamesB Posted July 14, 2010 Posted July 14, 2010 Hi, I posted on here about a week ago wondering if my ex wanted me back cos she wanted to go out for a drink as friends. The advice i got was not to see her as it would just end up with more heartache for me as I'm 99% sure she was cheating on me with her ex or somebody else. I know this is good advice but the truth is I'm sill crazy about her. The problem is she still wants to be friends. She never texts or calls me (neither do I) but we work together. Today she asked me if I want to go for a drink tomorrow night. I know I shouldnt but I said Id think about it. She also made it clear it was just as friends and nothing else. Shes 21 and I'm 30 so I think shes emotionally immature. She's really confusing me cos at work shes very friendly and flirty. She calls me sweety in front of everybody else, gives me a hug at the end of the day. I also catch her looking at me when I look up from my desk but she just smiles at me. She tells me she misses me and still cares for me a lot. Also one of my work colleagues said he was talking to her at lunch the other day and all she talked about was me and told him that she still loves me but cant be with me? WTF does that mean? She also said that to me when we initially broke up but also said I was too jelous and suffocating her but I only started acting like that when my suspicions were aroused about her cheating when she became very secretive and distant. Despite all this and everything that she put me through with the lying, secrets and how much stress she caused me I still want her?? I know shes no good for me so why cant I just forget about her and move on? And why does she want to be friends with me? Ive never understood that, Im not friends with any of my previous ex's. Any advice would be appreciated as I think my flat mate is getting bored with me bending his ear about her all the time! Lol..
elizabeth26 Posted July 14, 2010 Posted July 14, 2010 That sounds pretty heavy. I would hate to work next to my ex, kudos on that. If there's anything that attracts a woman, it's a guy they are intimate with being understanding when they break up, it shows alot of maturity. I think the dumpee usually wants the ex back largely due to the loss of their bf/gf. I'm no exception to that rule. But it sounds like you are certain that she cheated, do you have proof? A woman acting aloof and distant is NOT enough, we women get distant when we consider our relationship with you guys. If you jump to conclusions chances are you may have chased her away with the added pressure. Maybe she did love you and maybe she just wants to be friends. I would go for the straightforward route if you think you can handle it. If you want to try going out as friends once to see how it feels It may be a good idea, if you absolutely don't think that is what you want to do tell her that you don't want that kind of relationship with her. Be honest and brief. -Hope that takes some pressure off your flatmate, -Sydney
Author JamesB Posted July 14, 2010 Author Posted July 14, 2010 Hey thanks for the reply. No i dont have proof thats whats driving me nuts. She was supposed to come to mine after she finished a bar shift late at night but she never showed up, no call or text. Next day at work she turns in at midday, tells me sorry and that she spent the morning with her ex just talking. I asked why she didnt call to say she wasnt coming over, she just said sorry and that she went home. I dont believe that.She also had what looked just like a love bite on her neck but she claimed it was a rash. She did it again a few days later and had another "rash" on the other side of her neck. I had enough by then thats when we had the big argument and finished it. The 3 weeks leading up to this was when she started acting strange. She has an iphone so I used to just pick it up to play with the apps and check facebook all the time, she never had a problem with that, I would never check her messages or call log, I had no reason to. then all of a sudden her phone was off limits? It never came out of her handbag and if i asked to check my facebook shed say no get your own iphone! I also caught her out lying a few times. one night she said she was going out with her friend sarah. So I decided to go to the pub with my flat mate. Who should walk in with another guy? She didnt even see us playing pool. I just left and confronted her later. She said sorry, hes just a friend and she didnt want to tell me incase i got jelous. You see why i started becoming suspicious? I honestly dont believe people with nothing to hide lie.
Ilovecake Posted July 14, 2010 Posted July 14, 2010 Hi, I posted on here about a week ago wondering if my ex wanted me back cos she wanted to go out for a drink as friends. The advice i got was not to see her as it would just end up with more heartache for me as I'm 99% sure she was cheating on me with her ex or somebody else. I know this is good advice but the truth is I'm sill crazy about her. The problem is she still wants to be friends. She never texts or calls me (neither do I) but we work together. Today she asked me if I want to go for a drink tomorrow night. I know I shouldnt but I said Id think about it. She also made it clear it was just as friends and nothing else. Shes 21 and I'm 30 so I think shes emotionally immature. She's really confusing me cos at work shes very friendly and flirty. She calls me sweety in front of everybody else, gives me a hug at the end of the day. I also catch her looking at me when I look up from my desk but she just smiles at me. She tells me she misses me and still cares for me a lot. Also one of my work colleagues said he was talking to her at lunch the other day and all she talked about was me and told him that she still loves me but cant be with me? WTF does that mean? She also said that to me when we initially broke up but also said I was too jelous and suffocating her but I only started acting like that when my suspicions were aroused about her cheating when she became very secretive and distant. Despite all this and everything that she put me through with the lying, secrets and how much stress she caused me I still want her?? I know shes no good for me so why cant I just forget about her and move on? And why does she want to be friends with me? Ive never understood that, Im not friends with any of my previous ex's. Any advice would be appreciated as I think my flat mate is getting bored with me bending his ear about her all the time! Lol.. It's really not that uncommon, especially for someone as young as her. She's simply playing you like a fiddle for her own ego boost. It makes her feel good to know you still want her and she can pull your heart strings but she's absolutely not interested in all the responsibility and BS of being in a relationship. She could give two hoots about being your friend. Friends don’t hurt other people for their own selfish gain. In the old days that's what was referred to as a prick tease.
agt2010 Posted July 14, 2010 Posted July 14, 2010 She sounds like she is playing you like a flute. Why let her take advantage of you like that again? Do you really want her to string your emotions along again? The end result is that she is only going to end up hurting you again. Now you could take her back and have some fun with her but if you get emotionally wrapped up in her again like you did the first time it's highly likely you are going to end up getting hurt. If you can play the "game" with her without getting emotionally attached than by all means have your fun. She is 21 years old and she is not ready for commitment. It comes with the territory. She is young and immature and does not know what she wants yet and you have to respect that, and like the guy above said you are just an ego boost to her for now. I'd blow her off like autumn leaves if I was you. That will only bother her deepdown now that she realizes that she does not have the power to "game" you anymore. Go get yourself a new girl and watch how fast you forget about the old one.
elizabeth26 Posted July 15, 2010 Posted July 15, 2010 Noone likes a liar, I do believe you are right to be suspicious. I would take it that she doesn't know how to handle a serious relationship at this point and if she has no problem lying she would probably be able to do other things as well, sounds like a dead end or vicious circle to me.
stillafool Posted July 15, 2010 Posted July 15, 2010 Don't even fool yourself that the two of you can be friends. It just doesn't work and you will end up hurt. A friend can talk to another friend about people they are dating or want to date. Can you handle that? She told your coworker that she couldn't be with you but loved you. This is probably true. But, given she is only 21 and you are 30, she has a lot more life to experience before she will want to settle down. You are not going to lose your feelings for her overnight, so you have to give yourself time and get over her.
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