I keep catching him cheating but not in the act.

[headoverheels21]

Ok I've been in this relationship almost 3yrs. We're "engaged" & we have a child together. When I got pregnant I caught him emailing dirty messages to other women. I threatened to leave and that stopped for a while but theres been a couple times with stupid **** like that since. Well now he's been texting a girl i know and telling her he wants to party with her and hang out WITHOUT ME THERE! and she's actually a good person so she let me know right away. well I havent been able to catch him in the act but this to me is the last straw. I love him with all my heart but I don't do anything to deserve to be played. i can't trust him anymore. How can i make him realize this has to stop and make it stop? Can I? Or is it just time to pack up and leave without giving him the chance to reel me back in with his bull****?? someone please help! I'm a wreck!

[Serenitynow]

When I got pregnant I caught him emailing dirty messages to other women. I threatened to leave

 

Its your fault for thinking he would change

 

Well now he's been texting a girl i know and telling her he wants to party with her and hang out WITHOUT ME THERE! and she's actually a good person so she let me know right away. well I havent been able to catch him in the act

 

You just caught him in the act by the girl telling you.

 

Do you need to walk in on him with a girl riding on top ?

 

You know hes a cheater, you know hes a loser, just leave him and move on.

 

You know you will be better off in the long run.

 

Do you really want your child growing up in that environment ?

[BellaBellaBella]

Get the evidence then expose him to everyone. I am assuming your in a committed relationship as your the mother of his child. Expose to his family, his friends and your family. Then find somewhere else to go and give him a letter stating your demands to continue the relationship. Make him work for it.

[Serenitynow]

Why would anyone want to continue a relationship with him ?

 

.

[Curt]

Why would anyone want to continue a relationship with him ?

 

I know how ya feel, Serenitynow. But, look at this statement above:

 

"I love him with all my heart"

 

Just pointing it out for clarity.

 

All the best,

 

Curt

[TaraMaiden]

That's not love.

 

It's neediness, clinginess and dependency.

How can you love someone genuinely whilst they're beating you round the head with a cheating-skillet?

 

He's completely disrespecting her and invalidating her presence in the relationship.

She doesn't trust him any more. 'Love' isn't enough.

When the Trust is gone - and nobody is doing anything at all to rememdy that - it's a hopeless case.

 

This needs to end, it needs to end completely.

No further proof is needed.

You really should have quit at the first instance.

Really, it's time to call it a day.

Immediately.

[bunnixkisses]

That's not love.

 

It's neediness, clinginess and dependency.

How can you love someone genuinely whilst they're beating you round the head with a cheating-skillet?

 

I can't explain why he does it..but I bet I can explain why she stays.

 

Tara is absolutely right. Humans do not like rejection..no matter what. It's the whole "want what we cant have" "girls like bad boys" theories. No one can explain love, so she could love him. She could love a stick if she wanted to...there is no explanation of love and who it should be given to. But what I think is going on is that her self esteem is so low..she is now desperate for that approval. When a human withheld food...they get desperate. Subconciously, when a human is withheld that approval, or attention or whatever that is "normal" or expected in a relationship, they get desperate. She's emotional and not thinking clearly. He keeps her going by doing sweet things (getting engaged ..) but does what he wants because he knows he can. YES, you should leave him...because he will continue to do it. BUT, considering I am a girl in your position..and I obviously just explained what psychologically is going on...I still cant leave either. It's hard..and unexplainable. You know you have to leave, but you wont until you're ready. Until that time...do what the other person said..tell him you're leaving and make him work for it.

[Maggotface]

Tara pretty much hit the target. Love isnt enough, a relationship takes faithfulness and trust both of which are demolished in this relationship.

It's not your fault this guy is a loser, you've given him more chances then he's deserved but it will be your fault if you stick around and take his BS.

 

Theres nothing you can do to make him stop, he'll just get better at hiding it.

[Woman In Blue]

Hun - you're "engaged?" What does that mean since you put quote marks around the word engaged? I'm assuming it means that since you got pregnant and had a kid first instead of getting married first, you want to think he'll make that commitment to you.

 

If the "21" on the end of your nickname indicates your age, then the chances of this relationship actually working are very, very low. Young guys his age aren't looking to be saddled with wives and babies - they're looking to get out and hit anything they can that won't bite them back. The guy's a sleaze bucket and you both were way too young to have a kid. DON'T have any more kids with him or a couple of years from now you'll be crying about how you caught him AGAIN with another woman and have 3 kids under the age of 6 years old at home.

 

Accept the fact that he's a lying cheater who was stupid enough to have a baby when he himself is still a baby. He's not going to magically wake up one morning and do the right thing by you - and you need to accept that and get on with your life without him.

 

And next time, don't just arbitrarily have a baby with someone you're dating.

[stace79]

What you should do:

 

1. Break it off with him. Completely. Totally. Any time you think you miss him, think about his dirty messages that he is sending to other women who are not you.

2. Sue his pants off for child support.

 

Seriously, I can tell you guys like that don't change. I had a guy friend just like your bf, and he even used to send ME dirty messages with pics of his private parts. He'd always ask me for pics of my boobs and stuff. I finally just told him I didn't want to be his friend anymore. He has two baby mama's and still once in awhile tries to text me something inappropriate. I just ignore him.

[D-Lish]

Headoverheels, do you like the way you are being treated? If you don't, you need to leave him.

 

You can't make someone change, that's all on them.

[headoverheels21]

To the stupid "woman in blue": We were engaged until I caught him cheating and we were long before I got pregnant. And for ur information my son has an AMAZING life! The '21'in my name doesn't indicate my age, just so happens to be my lucky number! I am not 21, nor is he. I'm in my late 20's and he is in his 30's. So before you go running your mouth about who is too young or who is still a baby you need to get ur facts straight! I didn't arbitrarily have a baby by anyone, I was on birth control that didn't do what it was supposed to do! My son is a blessing and an amazing child and I am a GREAT mother!!! By the way I'd been engaged for 6 months before I got pregnant. So how about that you stupid f***?! B4 u go off running your mouth to someone you might want to get ur facts straight first!

[harmfulsweetz]

To the stupid "woman in blue": We were engaged until I caught him cheating and we were long before I got pregnant. And for ur information my son has an AMAZING life! The '21'in my name doesn't indicate my age, just so happens to be my lucky number! I am not 21, nor is he. I'm in my late 20's and he is in his 30's. So before you go running your mouth about who is too young or who is still a baby you need to get ur facts straight! I didn't arbitrarily have a baby by anyone, I was on birth control that didn't do what it was supposed to do! My son is a blessing and an amazing child and I am a GREAT mother!!! By the way I'd been engaged for 6 months before I got pregnant. So how about that you stupid f***?! B4 u go off running your mouth to someone you might want to get ur facts straight first!

 

 

No need to be so nasty. Seriously. People on here are trying to offer advice, and help based on what info you do give us- no one deserves to be called the names I have bolded, OK?

 

I absolutely hate people that do that, no reason to. You can rebuke her assumptions perfectly well without being so...vulgar and offensive.

 

No one said you weren't a great mother. Anyways.

 

He will continue to act as you allow him to act. As long as you allow this, he will do it. Simple as. You teach people how to treat you. You can't change him into the person you wish he was, it's up to him to do that.

[TaraMaiden]

It might also be more useful to you, headoverheels21, if you actually channelled this anger and frustration you have, at him, instead of us.

People communicate in different ways. A quick cruise of this whole forum, will tell you that.

While I take on board that you're a wreck, please understand: You cane here for input.

you got it.

Now focus your feelings against him.

He deserves it, and is being a lot more disrespectful than anyone here has been.

 

Wouldn't you agree?

[TLCbear]

Ok I've been in this relationship almost 3yrs. We're "engaged" & we have a child together. When I got pregnant I caught him emailing dirty messages to other women. I threatened to leave and that stopped for a while but theres been a couple times with stupid **** like that since. Well now he's been texting a girl i know and telling her he wants to party with her and hang out WITHOUT ME THERE! and she's actually a good person so she let me know right away. well I havent been able to catch him in the act but this to me is the last straw. I love him with all my heart but I don't do anything to deserve to be played. i can't trust him anymore. How can i make him realize this has to stop and make it stop? Can I? Or is it just time to pack up and leave without giving him the chance to reel me back in with his bull****?? someone please help! I'm a wreck!

 

 

Honey, you can't make him realize or stop anything...however, what you can do is remove yourself from the situation. Always two choices: leave or stay. If it was truly the last straw, you would no longer be in a relationship with him...and I know things are always easier said than done. The only advise I can offer is when you are truly sick and tired of being sick and tired, you'll leave. You will only leave when you're good and ready, regardless of what anyone else tell you. Good luck!