whatarmy Posted July 14, 2010 Posted July 14, 2010 Hi guys, I know there's a thread somewhere about what you've learnt from your past relationships but I'm really stuck. I've been in a relationship for the past 3 years that is going round in the same circles, on and off, the typical bull**** that comes with some relationships. I'm currently going through no contact and I thought it would be harder than this, but it's partly to do with the fact we haven't officially confirmed this, although by now I don't even know if its necessary. What do I need to be asking myself here? I get it, I will keep making the same mistakes if I don't learn the lesson, but I don't know where to start! I know its both our faults, I don't hate him (well...depending on the time of day ) - I still can't process him not being a part of my life in some way, but I guess that will take time. Enough ranting, does anyone have some crazy good book about relationships that makes you face your own issues and asks you all the right questions?
mickleb Posted July 14, 2010 Posted July 14, 2010 The Journey From Heartbreak To Connection by Susan Anderson. Cheaper than a therapist but as useful..? Oh and this place is pretty handy, too. x
This Hurts Posted July 14, 2010 Posted July 14, 2010 I'll be checking back on this post, since there are questions I'd like to know the answers to The Journey From Heartbreak To Connection by Susan Anderson. Cheaper than a therapist but as useful..? Honestly? If it's really that affective, I'll read it without a doubt.
Author whatarmy Posted July 16, 2010 Author Posted July 16, 2010 I can't find this book anywhere, I've seen it on Amazon but its really expensive and last time I ordered from them it took two months to arrive! I'm on day 6 of no contact, and at the point where you forget the annoying bits and make them out to be your perfect match and want everything to go back to how it was. At least I know I'm delusional.
mickleb Posted July 16, 2010 Posted July 16, 2010 Eek. You need that book! It'd explain a lot of this evil proces to you - makes it so much easier to move on. I've trained as a counsellor and the book came to me recommended by someone who described it as better than therapy. I'm not sure of that but it is excellent. The fact that it's cheaper makes it better. There is definitely value in having an objective person who is trained to guide you, be at your personal service, through an experience like this. And the book's success depends on your ability to be completely honest with yourself and work hard on the exercises it contains. I would say it would cut the time someone needs to spend in therapy significantly and for those who, prior to this experience, did not feel they needed therapy, it could be as good as it. The other one by the same author that is recommended all over this site is 'From Abandonment To Healing'. Perhaps that's more easily available and, therefore, cheaper? I'm really not a big self-help consumer but this is something different, IMHO. They are both available on the website, which has some other useful resources and links. Have a look and see what you think: http://www.abandonment.net/index.html x
mickleb Posted July 16, 2010 Posted July 16, 2010 Ok. Just had a quick look myself. Heartbreak To Connection is now out of print, hence the massive price hikes but is available to download if you become a member at the above website. (I think it's free to download but membership is $30. Considering the membership includes access to a forum specifically for those suffering from 'abandonment', that could easily be worth the cost.) Abandonment To Healing is still in print and MUCH cheaper. In fact, you can read almost the entire thing on amazon, for free. Most of the content looks the same. However, the first book is designed, with the 'workbook' aspect, to help you to self-analyze. It is this part, in particular, that I think will really help you to use this time as an opportunity to turn around your life. I suggest reading what you can for free then thinking about what you need most from these books. The knowledge you can gain about this process and how the body, brain and mind responds to it's various stages, in invaluable, I think. For the cost of nothing you'd be a little loco not to look.. x
LoveTruthChaos Posted July 17, 2010 Posted July 17, 2010 'It's Called a Breakup Because it's Broken' by Greg Behrendt (author of 'He's Just Not That Into You') It's lighthearted, funny, and gives good advice about the first stage of a breakup and the whole 'no contact' thing. It's useful and will give you a good laugh! Not to mention cheap as chips.
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