AVR1962 Posted July 14, 2010 Posted July 14, 2010 Has anyone noticed that when you meet someone new and start to get to know them that you spend all this quality time together talking, cooking, dates out, outdoor activites, whatever the case may be. Eventually as the years roll past you have become stuck in assumed roles, and perhaps not too happy with those roles you felt forced upon you. The person who once was interested in everything you did and said is now ignoring you, criticizing you, and expecting you to read their mind to please them. If you suggest talking or counseling, comments fly back that you are the problem. Whatever happened to treating that person with the respect you would a stranger or someone new? Whatever happened to compromising, agreeing and listening? Is there any wonder that marriages fail?
xxoo Posted July 14, 2010 Posted July 14, 2010 What you are reporting is sad, and may be common--but it certainly isn't inevitable. And it doesn't happen suddenly. It takes 2 people to allow it to happen. At what point did you realized you were being forced into a role you didn't like? What did you do to address the issue then? If nothing--if you just accepted the treatment with quiet resentment--that is also an action. And that is a big reason that marriages fail. Whatever happened to treating that person with the respect you would a stranger or someone new? This is a great question. Have you and your H sat down together and talked about it? But it also goes both ways: Whatever happened to expecting a person to treat you with respect? What would you do, AVR, if a stranger treated you the way your H does? Would you stick around for more of the same? Or would you stand up and say "I won't be treated this way"?
choosinghappiness Posted July 14, 2010 Posted July 14, 2010 xxoo I agree with a lot of what you are saying, but I guess I want to point out that when you end up in a "role" you don't always realize that it is happening. It took me a long time to realize and admit to myself where I was in my marriage and I would try to talk myself through it - it will be okay - things will change soon. Then you find yourself in a position where you are not happy and it is really hard to do something about it. AVR - it sounds like you used to do things together that you really enjoyed and maybe you are currently in a rut. If your SO is so against MC try IC, I know that has helped me. Try to see if you can go out and do something together that you used to enjoy.
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