hurt and devastated Posted July 14, 2010 Posted July 14, 2010 So for some reason I just had to drive by the house tonight. I don't know what I was looking to prove, but I feel like a class A moron for doing it. I've been keeping to myself, only talking about the kids. I haven't spoken to her in two days, other than getting a text from her today showing off her new iPhone 4 (whoopity do). When I dropped my daughter off on Sunday, I hung out with the daughter for a while, got the lawnmower started for the wife, and then took off. I've just got so many thoughts and feelings going through me right now, I feel like I'm in a constant battle with myself. I still hurt like mad, I feel angry and betrayed that she cheated on me, and I'm lonely because I miss my family. Outside of the well-being of the kids, I shouldn't care less what's going on there. Of course she was home! Where else would she be at 8:00 at night? She has to bathe my daughter and get her ready for bed. There was no one else there. I don't know if I'm trying to look for a smoking gun so I can get angry enough to say, "screw you, I'm done" or what. I have heard the saying "You are you're own worst enemy", and I believe it. If you think about things too much, your mind can put the worst spin on anything and totally lose any sense of rationality. Anyway, that was my rant. I caved, drove past my house, and feel like a total jackass for doing it. Anybody wants to comment, I'm wearing my fire suit. Flame on.
GrayClouds Posted July 14, 2010 Posted July 14, 2010 So for some reason I just had to drive by the house tonight. I don't know what I was looking to prove, but I feel like a class A moron for doing it. I've been keeping to myself, only talking about the kids. I haven't spoken to her in two days, other than getting a text from her today showing off her new iPhone 4 (whoopity do). When I dropped my daughter off on Sunday, I hung out with the daughter for a while, got the lawnmower started for the wife, and then took off. I've just got so many thoughts and feelings going through me right now, I feel like I'm in a constant battle with myself. I still hurt like mad, I feel angry and betrayed that she cheated on me, and I'm lonely because I miss my family. Outside of the well-being of the kids, I shouldn't care less what's going on there. Of course she was home! Where else would she be at 8:00 at night? She has to bathe my daughter and get her ready for bed. There was no one else there. I don't know if I'm trying to look for a smoking gun so I can get angry enough to say, "screw you, I'm done" or what. I have heard the saying "You are you're own worst enemy", and I believe it. If you think about things too much, your mind can put the worst spin on anything and totally lose any sense of rationality. Anyway, that was my rant. I caved, drove past my house, and feel like a total jackass for doing it. Anybody wants to comment, I'm wearing my fire suit. Flame on. Well we all have our weak moments, now that you have had yours you know better then to give into it again. All and all you got away with a relatively pain free reminder that keep the focus on yourself. It gets easier, hang in there.
Author hurt and devastated Posted July 14, 2010 Author Posted July 14, 2010 Yeah, I realise it could have been much worse. There could have been someone there to put my paranoia into overdrive, or worse yet, I could have gotten caught. I've been called many things in my life, but "stalker" isn't one of them. I'd just as soon keep it that way.
cookiecrumbles Posted July 14, 2010 Posted July 14, 2010 You do strange things when you are hurting and cant control situations. but i hope that you learnt from it, and take into account how it made you feel, which obviously was not good! Don`t do it to yourself, just focus on yourself and those feelings with everything in time will fade.
Author hurt and devastated Posted July 14, 2010 Author Posted July 14, 2010 Ugh, I had a dream about her again last night. I dreamt I had just gotten back from a trip somewhere and dropped by her work to see her. She was so happy to see me, it was like nothing had happened. She was telling me to go get some sleep because I was exhausted, but I couldn't leave. It was like one of those songs where if the singer had known it was going to be their last dance together, they'd have picked a song that never ended. I hate when that happens. It always messes with me the following day, and I feel like I get pushed back a few steps.
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