stillafool Posted July 15, 2010 Posted July 15, 2010 Those guys were not interested in you for some reason, but I seriously doubt it was because you were "nice." Women will often reject a guy for being "too nice," but I think that men rarely reject women for the same reason. They were probably just trying to let you down easy without giving you the real reason why they wanted to end things. Some guys do like the "bad girl" type. They are aroused by women that are unavailable and they have to chase. It takes all kinds.
Pyro Posted July 15, 2010 Posted July 15, 2010 Some guys do like the "bad girl" type. They are aroused by women that are unavailable and they have to chase. It takes all kinds. or we like the type of woman who is kind and respectful, but also has her own POV and doesn't agree with everything that the guy says. There are "nice" guys and "nice" girls.
alphamale Posted July 15, 2010 Posted July 15, 2010 They both said that I am a nice girl, did u give them good sex and good food?
zengirl Posted July 17, 2010 Posted July 17, 2010 The second one wasn't really a relationship. The first one may have been totally honest. I've dated a guy for a few months and then realized I liked the guy, I was attracted to the guy, but I just wasn't that into him and I didn't want to waste either of our time. (Other folks will just go looking for 'new options' and keep the person around until they're ready to swing to the next person; I call these people Vines.) Or he may have another reason. Whatever. If you got along well enough, and there's nothing dysfunctional about your relationships except you wanting more than they did, I wouldn't get too introspective about it. Probably it just wasn't a good fit. I used to do that to myself. "What's wrong with me that So-and-So doesn't think I'm fantabulous enough?" even though I was on the other side of it, too, at times, as I said. It's silly. Nothing is wrong with you. It's just not a good fit. People have this silly idea that they should constantly change themselves to get things. Become the right fit for a college, a job, a mate. . . rather than find the place where they were made to fit in the first place! Accept things for what they are, and it's so much easier. (That's not to say don't work on being a cooler, more attractive, nicer, more interesting you all the time, but don't worry that you have some kind of deficit.)
Nikki Sahagin Posted July 17, 2010 Posted July 17, 2010 When people talk about nice finishing last, I think firstly, everybody wants passion and nice doesn't translate to passionate. I think everyone wants a fun and intense love affair, nice people are a lot of things, they aren't ALWAYS fun and intense...or edgy. Also, i'd say people can be perfect on paper but in reality the chemistry is missing. People assume that being 'nice' is the fault, really its just that they don't feel chemistry for you. Also many guys (and girls) tend to enjoy the chase; and nice tends to mean available which is realistically great, but as people do enjoy a chase and working for their partner in most cases, a little distance or jokey meaness is sometimes a good thing. I wouldn't take this personally and i'd carry on being how you are.
counterman Posted July 17, 2010 Posted July 17, 2010 I am in a situation now (and have been in before) where a nice girl is interested in me and I am just not feeling it. They are nice and seem to be the type that would take my crap without fighting back (not that I would dish out any). I do like a bit of chase and I like a girl who speaks her mind freely, even if what she says might not be nice, one who can be brutally honest with me about things to do with me. A girl that responds to my flirting with a passion and can flirt back. Comfortable conversations and conversative topics, which I have noticed when I speak to these nice girls, get boring after a while. In saying that, I have dated a not-so-nice girl before... and I think if I go through a similar experience again, I would definitely appreciate the nice girl even more so. Nice girls are awesome but maybe not what I'm looking to date at he moment.
Nikki Sahagin Posted July 17, 2010 Posted July 17, 2010 The above poster summed it up I think, and I also think that can be applied to nice guys. People like a chase, they like fire, fun and passion. Nice is admirable and great but if you have nothing more to you, people will find you predictable and boring.
AlexiHC Posted July 17, 2010 Posted July 17, 2010 So, 2 guys have told me back to back that they are breaking up with me, they don't know why. They both said that I am a nice girl, everything that a man would want, the total package, they just can't figure out why they're not head over heels in love with me. Is this a guy's way of taking the easy way out? I have already begun to examine myself, to make sure that I am not sending out weird vibes. I want to work on myself so that I won't have to hear this again!!! Heres my 2 cents on nice girls. I broke up with my last GF for basically the same reason. Look at it like this, do any women want a nice doormat type guy? no? same goes for guys. Why do i want to date a girl who is just gonna do whatever I ask etc. I like a chick who is not necesarrily a bitch, but somebody that will challenge me and is independant. A girl that just goes along with everything is nice at the start, but so incredibly boring after awhile.
jamesum Posted July 17, 2010 Posted July 17, 2010 The problem with nice guys and girls is that they dont give nice guys and girls a chance either.
Pyro Posted July 17, 2010 Posted July 17, 2010 Heres my 2 cents on nice girls. I broke up with my last GF for basically the same reason. Look at it like this, do any women want a nice doormat type guy? no? same goes for guys. Why do i want to date a girl who is just gonna do whatever I ask etc. I like a chick who is not necesarrily a bitch, but somebody that will challenge me and is independant. A girl that just goes along with everything is nice at the start, but so incredibly boring after awhile. thank you! I mentioned this earlier in the thread. A nice guy and nice girl, as described in this thread are boring and predictable.
AlexiHC Posted July 17, 2010 Posted July 17, 2010 of course your not, who wants to be around a dude that thinks being on a nasty streak is gonna get him women.
UBFeelinMe Posted July 18, 2010 Posted July 18, 2010 depends on how good you look and how good you are in bed.
You'reasian Posted July 18, 2010 Posted July 18, 2010 depends on how good you look and how good you are in bed. agreed! also depends on location... in some cities, women love the outdoors, like to be active and workout, love guys and like to date. You can have a girlfriend every week or month if you were actively dating in some cities, women like to.....well....breathe....lol. Dating is nowhere near as fun.
Author ttkels Posted July 18, 2010 Author Posted July 18, 2010 Hey Couterman, thanks for the feedback. Even though I am a nice girl, my mouth is full of sass. I fight back and usually encounter men who won't argue back with me, so I end up getting the last word, just ask my ex-husband:) I want something different now, meaning I want a guy to dish it right back out to me, in a non threatening way though. I am in a situation now (and have been in before) where a nice girl is interested in me and I am just not feeling it. They are nice and seem to be the type that would take my crap without fighting back (not that I would dish out any). I do like a bit of chase and I like a girl who speaks her mind freely, even if what she says might not be nice, one who can be brutally honest with me about things to do with me. A girl that responds to my flirting with a passion and can flirt back. Comfortable conversations and conversative topics, which I have noticed when I speak to these nice girls, get boring after a while. In saying that, I have dated a not-so-nice girl before... and I think if I go through a similar experience again, I would definitely appreciate the nice girl even more so. Nice girls are awesome but maybe not what I'm looking to date at he moment.
Author ttkels Posted July 18, 2010 Author Posted July 18, 2010 I agree Bangle. Nice does not necessarily equal boring and predictable. I certainly don't fit the boring or predictable catergories. I think it's about compatibility. If you don't want a nice girl/guy, keep it moving. Don't discount them as being boring/predictable. I'm not nice, I am not boring and predictable and I have had about as much success with a woman as a nice guy.
Author ttkels Posted July 18, 2010 Author Posted July 18, 2010 Wow, sorry that you encountered the nice doormat type of girl. Usually guys hate the fact that I am independent. There are many different categories that we can place people in, people are different. So please don't think that all nice girls are doormats. I am happily divorced because my ex was a doormat. So that screws your theory up, but thanks for the feedback Heres my 2 cents on nice girls. I broke up with my last GF for basically the same reason. Look at it like this, do any women want a nice doormat type guy? no? same goes for guys. Why do i want to date a girl who is just gonna do whatever I ask etc. I like a chick who is not necesarrily a bitch, but somebody that will challenge me and is independant. A girl that just goes along with everything is nice at the start, but so incredibly boring after awhile.
Pyro Posted July 18, 2010 Posted July 18, 2010 I agree Bangle. Nice does not necessarily equal boring and predictable. I certainly don't fit the boring or predictable catergories. I think it's about compatibility. If you don't want a nice girl/guy, keep it moving. Don't discount them as being boring/predictable. In the context of this thread and many others, the word nice is used to describe someone...man or woman who has no backbone. He/she will agree with everything that their SO says/wants and he/she will put up no fight if they are getting walked all over/taken advantage of. Aside from them there are the truly nice guys/girls who are kind and considerate and knows when they are being used and will do something about it.
Author ttkels Posted July 18, 2010 Author Posted July 18, 2010 Well said, zengirl:) The second one wasn't really a relationship. The first one may have been totally honest. I've dated a guy for a few months and then realized I liked the guy, I was attracted to the guy, but I just wasn't that into him and I didn't want to waste either of our time. (Other folks will just go looking for 'new options' and keep the person around until they're ready to swing to the next person; I call these people Vines.) Or he may have another reason. Whatever. If you got along well enough, and there's nothing dysfunctional about your relationships except you wanting more than they did, I wouldn't get too introspective about it. Probably it just wasn't a good fit. I used to do that to myself. "What's wrong with me that So-and-So doesn't think I'm fantabulous enough?" even though I was on the other side of it, too, at times, as I said. It's silly. Nothing is wrong with you. It's just not a good fit. People have this silly idea that they should constantly change themselves to get things. Become the right fit for a college, a job, a mate. . . rather than find the place where they were made to fit in the first place! Accept things for what they are, and it's so much easier. (That's not to say don't work on being a cooler, more attractive, nicer, more interesting you all the time, but don't worry that you have some kind of deficit.)
Author ttkels Posted July 18, 2010 Author Posted July 18, 2010 no complaints to my face on either of those did u give them good sex and good food?
Recommended Posts