kristenmix Posted July 14, 2010 Posted July 14, 2010 sounds rather dumb huh... like there is a set time to get over an affair brought on with miss trust, hurt, and betrayal. well my husband has emotionally cheated on me 4 times before, hiding messages from flirting with other girls and hitting on them ect all the way to email girls on date sites that i don't exist and that i left my kids with him because i couldn't handle parenting. (during the week we got married) but this was it... he full out cheated on me! he f*cked her after her prom. in her parents house. (PS i'm 25 and he's 29) not exactly letting hormones getting the best of us. as you can tell i'm still angry trying to get over this. its been about a month and i still think about it every day, the way he kisses me (same way he kissed her). the way he fu*ks me would be the same way he fu**ed her. dose anyone ever get over it? do the thoughts of the other women ever go away? how does any one cope with those feelings i just want to start over fresh... But i love him soooooo much even though he has done this, we have 2 kids other whys i would of said SEE YA D*CK 3rd strike you were out. only for them would i endure so much pain. i told my self i would give a full year before i made any big decisions like moving or anything like that. but its like a broken record over and over in my head, it keeps me depressed and sad. any one have advice to stop the thoughts LOL:o
BalenciagaSpain Posted July 15, 2010 Posted July 15, 2010 He cheated on you emotionally before you were married, showing you that he could cheat. What consequences did he suffer for his EA? Any? I won't even ask why a 30-year old man took a high school girl to a prom... He's 30, not 18 or 21. The fact that he even wanted to go to a prom, much less actually go, shows me he is very immature. Jmo. What has he done to repair the marriage, and make amends for having sex with a teenager? What consequences has he suffered? What has he done to fix himself? What has he done to make you feel safe? Probably not much. Obviously not enough since you're here looking for help. It's not acceptable for you to just "get over it.". He must show you that he's worthy of your trust. It's on him to do the work, not you. If he's not willing to do that work, I'd be very weary of him having another affair. Oh, to answer your question, no I never got over it. I didn't even try. It wasn't an option I was willing to consider.
tnttim Posted July 15, 2010 Posted July 15, 2010 I don't think anyone just wakes up one day and is over it. Instead You have to accept the fact that your life has changed forever. For me everything changed, I fought with my mind for months trying to get over it. Then one day it hit me, my life and my view of how things were supposed to be changed forever. I was fighting myself to try to change the fact it happened, instead of accepting the fact that these things happen. I also took some responsibility for letting it happen. I realized that I was not being who and what I used to be to her. I became boring and predictable, controlling and unhappy. I took her for granted. Things changed when I started treating her like a prospective date, instead of my wife for 10 years. I'm happy, and my life is exciting once again because I made some changes. I took a horrible situation, and made it a jumping board for a happy fulfilled life.
txsilkysmoothe Posted July 15, 2010 Posted July 15, 2010 we have 2 kids other whys i would of said SEE YA D*CK 3rd strike you were out. only for them would i endure so much pain. I don't think you mean this - if you were only staying because of the kids, you would not be having sex with him. You're staying becaue you love him. Based on his history, it's difficult for me to believe that he will be faithful. I hope I'm wrong. Some people cannot get over cheating. I could not for the very reasons you cited - it was just there all the time making me miserable. The pain was devastating, so much so that I was determined to never feel that way again! I had to be positive that he wouldn't do it to me again and the only way to be certain of that was to leave him. I did. I'm so sorry you are going through this terrible pain. You will recover, one way or another.
just_some_guy Posted July 15, 2010 Posted July 15, 2010 I am beyond words. I tried to read your other story too. Your writing style is extremely hard to read. It would be helpful to try some standard punctuation. Sentences should start with a capital letter and end with a period or question mark, followed by a space to start the next sentence. An ellipsis [...] is used to indicate that words have been removed from a paragraph or sentence. I know many people struggle with writing skills, but it really helps to apply yourself so others can understand you. The Cliff Notes: Your guy has a history of flirting with other women. He recently took an 18 year old girl to her prom, with your blessing, and then had sex with her afterward (without said blessing). He being 29 and you being 25, with two young children between you. You are having feelings of missing him even though he cheated on you. You are also very angry. Uhh, well, I don't know what to say. Really. It is very sick that a 29 year old man, married or not, would take an 18 year old to her prom or that the people running the prom would allow a 29 year old man to attend the function at all. Honestly, this post smacks of hoax and internet trolling. If you are sincere, I'm very sorry.
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