Untouchable_Fire Posted July 16, 2010 Posted July 16, 2010 My ex wouldn't say that. He said I picked on him too much. But I have been guilty in the past of being a replica of a doormat. I think that IS the pattern. Have you ever tried being emotionally unavailable and unreasonably demanding?
Lishy Posted July 16, 2010 Posted July 16, 2010 Girl code depicts that girls dont go near their friends ex, period! You are totally right to be upset at the thought of that!
Author Star Gazer Posted July 16, 2010 Author Posted July 16, 2010 Have you ever tried being emotionally unavailable and unreasonably demanding? No. I don't think that's possible for me.
sunshinegirl Posted July 16, 2010 Posted July 16, 2010 After some reflection, I think you're all right. I'm going to take an active dating hiatus for a bit. I'm not going to be set up or look for dates. However, if I meet someone interesting, I'll go out with him in the platonic sense and will let him know of my romantic hiatus. Go ahead, Star, you can use my term for it - you know you want to: go on, declare your GUYAITUS! (or, "man ban" if you prefer)
Kamille Posted July 17, 2010 Posted July 17, 2010 (edited) That's an interesting theory UF, the one about SG being too nice. My own thinking, SG, is that you might be "too perfect", not in the sense that you're a perfectionist, more in the sense that once you find a guy you deem boyfriend material, then you switch on the great girlfriend in wonderful relationship light. In this, you might take on too much of the "caring work" of the relationship, by which I mean, you thereby do everything in your power to protect the relationship, taking some of that power away from your partners. All they have left to do is appreciate you, or, if they feel estranged and haven't figured this out, point out the ways in which you aren't such a great gf after all. It might also mean that the balance of admiration in the R is geared towards you, since after all, you are an amazing partner, and that they are left with an admiration deficit, not because you don't admire them, but because they don't see by which actions in the relationship they deserve admiration. This could get a guy to lash out by saying you're "overcritical" of his driving. I know you're a go getter in life, so I could see you being proactive in your relationships and making sure that everything is perfect all the time. I've been on both side of the equation. I don't think I have any recommendations. It's one of those: be aware of it and when you and future bf encounter problems, hold back and let him come up with the solutions to some of them. But, as with all things, once you meet the right guy, those impulses naturally fade because you won't feel you need to protect the relationship all the time in order for it to feel safe.Plus, the guy for you will appreciate this about you. He'll get it and he'll find it endearing. Plus, with the right guy, a certain amount of relationship chaos is somewhat tolerable. Or perhaps I'm completely off the track and just reflecting on my own relationship patterns ! Edited July 17, 2010 by Kamille
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