An Affair Just Isent Fair At All

[kristenmix]

well here i am, just as you have found your self here as well. Looking for a good story? Perhaps something you can relate to? or just looking for advice? well I'm sorry i don't have any advice i can give you... you probably wouldn't want to take it anyways. although i do have a story of 2 people in love. one is working his hardest to work it out, the other not so sure if she's going crazy or just, still in love.

I'll start from the beginning, i hope you have time to read i have had

no one to vent or talk to.

 

My names kristen i just turned 25, i have two kids that just drive me crazy some times. Ages 3 (boy) and 1 (girl). I am unemployed thanks to a company that went under by surprise.

Previously I was in a long turn relation**** of 4 years near the end i knew he wasn't ready to settle down and i wasn't ready to take on his mess of financial problems with his truck being repo-ed every other month and not being able to talk to me about any thing financial.

 

i met my now husband at the place we worked (circuit city) he worked in TV's and i worked on the direct other side of the store in computers. He's sooooo dreamy lol. I still feel this way about him today lol

we talked very rarely he and i were both very shy, but we could always see each other from accrost the store and very often did we catch each other staring... watching maybe even wanting the other person to catch us ogling over the other. ahhh puppy love/ infatuation, what ever you call it i was crushing on this guy hard core. i loved and still love every physical thing about him... i found him extremely attractive & sexy. He had a military hair cut with the top a bit grown out so he could flit the front of it up with the just amount of jell it looked looked as if he just got out of the shower. let me tell you this boy is cut! his biceps bulged out defining his tattooed arm. pictures from his face book showed his abs rippling down his body showing the sweet spot... you know the one where the pants rest just below the waist, showing that curve where the hip bones are. ohhh yea! thats the one!

boy do i sound crazy already. I ended my relation**** with the other guy i was with for 4 years. its not easy leaving something your so used to being with. of coarse i was upset even though i wanted to explore other things in life including other people. New years day i had drank WAY to much and let him know just how i felt, latter that week he moved out. i was such a bitch to him and even to this day i still feel sorry i acted the way i did... so for all you guys that have gotten kicked out for another reason or other not to your own fault... I'm sorry!

the guy from work (dave) and i started to talk to each other... well more like a wave and sly grin.. and (The sexy eye look) the, i want you look.

we started talking online and getting to know each other more and more. it was easy to hide behind the computer it took the ease of being extremely shy away.

evenchaly, Dave and I started going out with his friends. hanging out ect.

his friend needed help moving her stuff from one apartment to another. dave said they were good friends, i didn't want to be with out dave that night so i helped move her stuff. dave wanted to keep our relationship a secret from her? strange and i asked why.. he said because she was a very good friend she would of thought he was moving to fast into a reasonship and probably lecture him like a good friend would. (no worrys i under stand i said to him and forgot all about it)

she ended up throwing dave his birthday party at her new apartment inviting all their friends from school and work. we got the the party and they both sat me down to talk to me.. Odd! They decited to tell me that they had dated all threw collage and didnt want any of their friends telling me or saying something like wow cant believe you two are still together all this time. That would put a damper on the party sayings i was his new girlfriend... OUCH that hurt inside. he lied to me, said they were just friends nothing more and now here i find out you two ****ed all threw school?!?! all i could do is walk the block trying to let off some stem. dave came out and asked if i would rejoin their party so i did. drinking as any 21 year old would when there is liquor. time flew by that night i ended up leaving in the middle of the night still upset that he lied and still drunk. at this point I'm wondering if i should of never never let go of my relation**** (he would of never lied or been dishonest to me), but i really liked this guy maybe he just didn't want me to be THAT girl friend. i can understand that I HATE DRAMA! So i forgave it, but never forgot it.

monthS go by and our jobs are good, our life together is great. lets start a family! Ta-Da the stork brought us our baby boy 9 months latter. what an amazing moment when your child is born.

my family was having troubles with my grandmother whom her and i dont get along so well. She has an appion for ever single thing. and if its not done her way then she will nag and nag until its changed to whats acceptable for her.

She had no place to go, her appartment complex kicked her out or she says she just wanted to move out. She ended up moving in with Dave and I in our little two bedroom apartment. the room that was going to be our sons now became her room. but it was ok at first we just put the babys bed and stuff in our room. it was nice to be close to wake up in the middle of the night to feed him. although dave was the one who got up at nights. I'm the kind of person that will sleep thew every thing! its as if i go into hibernation when i sleep. its Horable let me tell you, not being able to wake when the baby is crying.

 

OMG what was i thinking letting her move in. Her and i Fought NON stop on how i should care for my baby, how i should feed him, bath him, play with him ect. the list just goes on and on. I will be the first to say along with the non stop nagging from her and just having a baby. i was depressed! deeply depressed! i should of got help, but i didnt know there was such a thing as baby blues. Dave felt the hardship of me not talking care of the baby all the time, or maybe at all. then all the fighting in the house between my grandmother and i.

dave started to look and talk to other women... This is a copy from a blog i wrote to about this so i would never forget the heart ack. this is just one of the 30 or so of emails:

Tuesday, October 09, 2007

 

Cheeting/lieing husbands

Current mood: confused

Category: Life

what is cheating or disonisty. is it not telling the truth, or is it only telling you part of the truth... My gosh, i’m so hurt.... words will never explane how much he hurt me. I dont think i can forgive him, so do i leave him? i most defently dont trust him now. please help me out, if your husband or wife said this what would you do?

 

Hey thanks for wanting to "meet me" I’m very flattered that such a naturally beautiful girl like you would invite me. Just to let you know I’m not currently looking for a relationship but I would love to talk to you and get to be friends. You look like the kind of person that could always bring a smile to my face just by smiling at me.

 

Ok thats not to bad... but how about this

 

SHE SAID: Does Eric live with you? Where’s his mom?

 

Dave: His mom doesn’t live with us. Apparently parenting was too much for her and she would always say how much she hated our baby when he was fussy. I didnt particularly care for that type of attitude towards my son so here we are today together.

 

And to think i’ve been here this whole time, love’n and caring for them both...

i dont think i can cry any more, my head is ponding, my hearts broken, an my soul has been shaken. To think every thing was fine & perfict in my life, and that i wanted to have another child with my husband.... who says they love you and cant live with out you and dose this, its a froydan slip. oops guess i’m not that important in this life i have been living. guess it’s all been a lie, if its not one thing its always going to be another. what cross’s the line and when do you draw the line saying enough is enough no more drama in life please... i’m not a drama kinda girl i dont like, i dont want. its been a day sence i found out, whats been going on. his profile is now deleted pictures, coments, e-mail, its all erased... why could he of done that the first time i asked him. why let it come down to this? i still feel so hurt

 

Thanks for every one’s coments and emails... i’m doing ok {sigh} i guess. I’m still so very crushed, i just never thought my soul mate would do this to me. There were so many e-mail that i went through one after another. I desited that i would give him a 3rd chance... lol yea, 1st time same on you, 2nd time shame on me. thats a whole nother story of disonasty i should of relized it then, once a lier always going to be a lier... but i do love him dearly no question in my mind. i wouldn't want to see eric rased with out a father, he deserves better then that! all that was said still plays over and over in my mind. he said this she said that, like a broken record. i look at dave and thats all i can see, him happily talking to some one else knowing that i dont even exist in his world... i might as well really not exist.

Anyways, hope all is better with every one else

 

OUCH!!!!! and to think we had just gotten married on 07/07/2007 what a luck day... he shared every thing with these other girls... our hunny moon, every thing! as if i was never there... he even talked to these girls the week before we were getting married... WHY DID HE EVEN MARRY ME.

WHAT the Duck!

 

 

i ended up going back to work just to get away from her. making more money with a rase and promotion we were able to move into a house for rent. so much bigger every one had their own space and rooms.

so we moved.... and nothing got better! things even got worse. i forgave dave once again for his distrust. i really do love him!!!

some time when on things between dave and i are good, we are enjoying family life. my grandmother still living with us and bossing every one around, controlling our lives.

dave and i desited to have our second child, our baby girl.

dave worked ALOT he ended up leaving Circuit city just encase anything happened to our jobs (thank god) he did. he did long hours training for his new job. thats all he ever cared about anymore... working, harder, longer, only to make more money... i didnt care about the money, i just wanted him! we could of been broke just as long as we had each other, i would be happy!

dave worked so much the day our baby girl came he almost missed it, he got home just fast enough to get me to the hospital screaming. THAT BABY WAS COMING OUT... (NATURALLY) *I'm crying on the inside i wanted the drugs to relive the pain haha to late now the Dr. Said. not 15 mins latter baby was here!

 

circuit city now went under... And a Word from an long term associate:

I loved working for a company that loved and truly cared for its associates! i went to work ever day ready and excited to help customers. but every one seemed to come for information and then go to best buy for the buy. we even offered to price match and every thing. Circuit city never gave us ANY heads up we were going under, they told us we were going to be fine and had a plan in place to fix it all. *guess not, they sold out!

 

I first enjoyed staying home with my kids, but boy do they drive me cray. i felt traped with no car, no friends, no place to go. so this time i went and hot help and medication for the over whelming depression of just having a baby, lossing my job, and being stranded at home.

Things were better this time around i was more helpful with getting up and talking care of the baby. and becasue i was home i was their only care giver. gosh thats stressful bye its self. 24/7 kids with no grown ups. lol

 

because i was home we no longer could take grandma fighting about everything! we kicked her out!!! i dont care where you have to go just as long as its not here! then we find out she called elderly abuse and made all these fake clams on us. Stupid b*tch!

 

time when on and dave got a promotion to a new store that was just opening. god i'm getting tired of typing and i'm sure your tired of reading........ lets speed this up.......

dave took a liking to a little 18 year old co worker. she asked him to go to her prom because her date bailed. i wanted him to go. have fun, how offton do you really get to go and enjoy something like that! i had gotten some amazingly beautiful flowers for mothers day. because this was so last minit i felt bad he didnt have a flower so i made one out of my mothers day flowers for him. when up stairs got his suet he wore to our wedding and pined it on. boy did he look sexy! I think he's sexy all the time, he dosent have to do anything for me to think that. (if i knew what i new then) I didnt text him that night, i trusted him. things were really good between us. i wanted him to have space and to have fun... well, he came home at 3:30 Am i was already in bed alseep and a little drunk. he tryed making love to me as he got into bed? i'm haff asleep asking how his night when. he had fun, bla bla bla. i wish i new what the bla bla bla was...

women have that kany insteenkt when they know something is wrong? its odd but we do. i started looking at his phone records. i found her number on there all month long... he said she just called the store he worked at and asked him today.. HUH!?!?! so why is she calling him, and vic versa... He talked to her more then he talked to me. he talked and flirted with her the nights he closed.

so i called him and told him at work that i couldn't take the emotional abuse any more this was it, i was leaving...

he came home and in our argument he told me... time stood still h just blurted it out... I cheated on you...

The world whent numb i couldnt hear, i for sure couldnt breath. my mind screaming for air, just open your mouth and breath and breath kristen. you hurd him right he had sex with her, i felt as though i was dreaming... more like a nightmair my husband loves me he would never, it has never... gone this far. oh i take my first breath it felt like and eturnity already standing there in shock. Fight or flight FIGHT OR FLIGHT... FIGHT OR FLIGHT!!!!!

Flight it is... eyes filling with tears running tords the door. its never been so far away. still not taking a second breath my heads feeling dizzy, i think i'm going to faint, my hands grab at the door wipping it around me to close i gasp with a long drawn out ball of tears, pain, ANGER.... i walked bare foot down the street num to all that is around me. i turned walked back in Na, this is all to sur real, it dosent happen to a couple that is in love. this is just a misunderstanding.

i walked back into the kitchen where he was still standing, head hung low. i asked again prepared for the answer, wishing... praying... its not what i herd...

I cheated... being prepared for what he was going to say again didnt help. my heart fell to the pit of my stomic this time. i still was screaming to breath gasping in between wanting to throw up

 

after asking more and more questions here is the story that i understand. i set you up to fail, i sent you to this prom using my very own flowers to pin on you so you didnt stand outyou went and danced she made you feel exceptionally good about your self. good enough to make you hard. prom got over at 12:00 rather then comming home to your family. you followed her home in your own car expecting something to happen. you went into her house where her family was sleeping. she gave a drink and welcomed you in kissed you in the living room then took you into her room from there your not very clear with me how it happened but she begain undressing you. something i was only sposed to do. touching each other, things that was between you and i. she undoes your pants to suck your dick... as if that wasent enough you told me that you already felt is was wrong so why no keep going and finish it and go the hole way. she layed you down put a condom on MY dick and you put your dick in her... you touched her like you touch me hold her close! 2 hours latter you came..., (i dont even get 2 hours of your time) let alone to make love for that long. you had soooooo many chances to leave, turn around, to stop... but you didnt... you didnt care enough for me and my feelings to do that.

 

Thursday, June 03, 2010

 

Disconnect

Current mood: ashamed

..............

 

Disconnect, from each other we have been our marriage a shamble of lies distrust year after year. Why haven’t I left? I’m not the one for you. Maybe I’m the only the one that will take the abuse you ouze. Be leaving the lies that you have made me believe that you truly did love me and that you want to make me happy. After hurting me braking me down till I was truly nothing left. I am numb all the time; I have disconnected myself from everything I loved. All because that’s what you have made me believe you wanted, for me to change. You make my head spin… then you tell me you never wanted me to change but yet you want things different. Make up your dumb mind.

 

This affair you have had has shook me sooo bad I don’t have a clue on how to pull out of it, when I’m alone all I can gasp is the thought of suside to end the hurt of be trail I feel. Then you tell me you feel the same way when you look at me… I’m just a sorry reminder that you could have had something else. Maybe a chance to grow, live a little, a chance to find someone you truly could love and don’t say I’m the only one that you love… that would be a lie I’m not the only one you have loved. She loved you that night too.

 

This will forever be my fault, I brought this onto my family and asked for it most of all I deserve it. I pushed you out the door to go have fun, and you did just what I had asked. You came home and even said good night in the most disgusting offal way possible (you wanted to pitty **** me) you’re a pig!

 

I hate my self for this. My emotions run wild with slight happiness and then when your not here I get to think of all the wrong and stress in my life. I’ll digest it all, let it bleed. Fall asleep all while the body is trying to save it self it will be to late. My walls will have been broken, bleeding internally making my self as empty on the inside as the out side. I’ve become the nothing that I have always been. I know the hurt I caused others. In my sins I shall repent for forgiveness but understand if none can be given. All I can do is ask in my dyeing hours of the little bit that was left of myself being

 

 

he wants to work things out. and doing every thing to do that... he changed every thing about himself, i just want him to be his self and to love ONLY ME!!!

This is daves email to me:

I understand that you hate me right now. After everything that I have done every ounce of hatred you have I deserve. I will do anything to bring us back. I know that you don't think that we were ever really in love and I do understand why you feel that way. I am not very good at talking to you about how I feel and not good at showing you either. I have put things before you and the family like work, which is wrong. Momma, you Eric and Jenna are everything to me if you were to all leave then I would have no reason to stay here. I am glad that you are still here happier than you could imagine even though I seem sad and disconnected right now its because I am pretty much abusing myself on the inside continually replaying what I have done to you and seeing your sadness and anger so that I never forget what type of effect my actions had on you. On the person I loved. I have also been thinking about all the opportunities I have failed to show you how much I love you. I want to say that I am sorry that I am the worst person at showing my feelings, good or bad. I just have never wanted to start a fight or get you upset with me, I just wanted to keep you happy and I know you are thinking that what I did isn't a good way to show it. I know that. This is the worst possible thing that I could have done. Seeing what I did to you and replaying it over and over, seeing what that did to you has made me realized that I need to change. that the fact that I have not been happy and you have not been happy is solely my fault. I know that if I had shown your more how I felt, both good and bad, you would be happier with me. And therefore everything would have been much different. Therefore I want to apologize for being such a ******* the entire time we have been together. that i have always hid my feelings of happiness and sorrow, in a feeble and pathetic attempt to momentarily keep you happy only to have it blow up into something much larger, into this.

 

You keep asking me why I have done what I have done. well I had a lot of time to think last night as I didn't sleep very well and when i did it wasn't pleasant things that I was seeing. So I think I figured out a way to explain it to you. I hope that you don't get too angry at me for anything I say as I really truly don't want to lose you momma. I know that I have already done so much that to you that you have plenty of reason to lease but please don't leave me for what I am about to say.

I am sorry that I dont talk to you about my feelings, it is that hardest thing for me to do. I never want you to get angry at me for how I feel and I have been afraid that if I tell you that I am sad and depressed, angry or anything like that that you will just not want to be with me which is why I have never told you those things. You have always seemed so sad and depressed and I have always thought that if I told you my feelings that it would push you over the edge and you wouldnt want anything to do with me. Although as wrong as it may have been I wrote (chatted, texted) to other people about my problems to have some sort of escape from what was bothering me. It was very wrong of me to discuss with other people our problems. But I have a hard time talking about things and I never wanted you to feel my sadness on top of yours as I have always felt as I said before it would push you over the edge and you would leave me either my taking your life or walking out the door. It is my own weakness that has cause all of this. My inability to not talk and my need to be, and make everything seem perfect. To put up the appearance that I can do anything by myself and to be the best. Although all these things seem to be positive statements,being perfect, able to handle anything, and what not it has made me a very negative person both through actions and emotions. These emotions id hold in cuz i didn't want you to know that i am unhappy and that i'm not the perfect person that you want and that if you found this out you wouldn't want to be with me. I know that it sounds stupid and seems like a dumb reason but this is the truth it is how i feel about myself and how i have been.

I hope that this isn't too confusing and that you can understand what i am trying to say. It may seem pretty scattered but that is only because Jenna wont stop screaming and Eric keeps yelling to help him with his game. All of these things that have happened have occurred rootly because i have failed to let you see my real emotions and let you share in both my happiness and sadness. I want you to know that i will learn to talk to you but i know that will take time when i cant talk about it is it ok if i write you for now instead. i do need to learn that not being perfect and sharing my feelings is ok and wont make you leave me. That talking about bad things will make things better not worse. I do know what I am supposed to do momma I know I need to talk to tell you how i feel, but that is scary for me I hope that you can understand that. It has always been a problem for me. I will write to you when I have an issue for now and learn to talk about them with you. I promise to be more open as I know deep down it is what will help out our relationship.

 

Momma I love you and I love our family, I have the worst way of showing it but I do hope you know that I do. I will do anything to show you how I feel including talk, which is the hardest thing for me to do which I know seems ridiculous but it is true. I apologize that i have not been who you wanted or who you expected me to be. I have let my own fears and weakness drive us to this point. I will change and i will talk to you as long as you promise to listen as a friends and not my wife if I ask you to. Don't take that the wrong way I just may need someone to try and understand where I am coming from and it would be easier for me to talk to you if you could hold that role for me sometimes. I love you Kris and I do have more to say but the Kids are a bit too much to stay focused on what I am trying to get across. But I do want to tell you that this is all my doing, you had no part of it. You do not deserve to have had any of this happen to you and I do not deserve you in my opinion. I just thank God that for some reason he and you think that I do. I love you Kris and I will show you that I do love you and I will show you or tell you when I have a problem even if it is with you. I love you.

 

 

Every time we do something fun, all i can ever think about is all the hurt. every time we have sex all i can think about is him putting it into her and my mind goes wild with how they ****ed!!! GRAAAAAAAA GET OUT OF MY HEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!

lately i just have sex with him to let him cum so he dosent go else where looking for it

 

anyone else get stuck in a loop of thoughts that just wont go away????

 

I do still love him i think i will no matter how much wrong he puts me threw as you can see. Is this what marriage is all about.. the few ups and more downs?

 

Am i being a dumb dumb girl.

what about my kids, they need a father... and i'm still unemployed i couldnt support them let alone my self

 

 

maybe i will go back and edit more to the story.... because there is more. lol

Edited July 13, 2010 by kristenmix

[fooled once]

I'm sorry, but I couldn't get through your post.

 

Can you give a BRIEF synopsis of what you are asking/posting about? You are a 25 year old girl married to a guy and you have 2 kids and he has cheated on you repeatedly? Are you wanting to know how others who have been cheated on deal with this?

 

I also had a very hard time trying to figure out what word you were typing as there are a ton of words I have never seen before (major misspellings).

[kristenmix]

i guess i just needed to type it all out and get it off my chest, and yes i would like advice on how to get over this... or if its even worth it. i'm very sorry about all the miss spelling if i could of done better, i would of.

[Karma24]

Hey doll,

 

Well, I managed to get through your entire post...I just wanted to ask: was this a one-time thing? (his cheating) or did it happen more than once?

 

I'm very interested to know what the men of LS think about his explanation/his email. Funny, I have heard almost the exact same thing. Amazingly, I kind of believe your guy...it seems heartfelt. Or else I'm just being very naive.

 

Let me preface this by saying that what he did was wrong wrong wrong! I think I can understand though how, in his mind, he had the green light to go ahead since you sent him on his way to that prom (wtf?) and with a flower that you made for him even. I imagine he thought you didn't care. Just speculation on my part...it DOES NOT make what he did right.

 

Bottom line, I think you both love each other. He did something really stupid and you did not lay down some boundaries which might have led to some misunderstandings. Good for you in getting grandma out of the house. That was a great start. Time will tell if this guy is a good person who made a stupid/wrong choice or if he's just a POS. Make him prove himself, then you decide. Good luck to you!

[kristenmix]

well the hole prom thing started because her date canceled last min an hour before they were to attended. we have no friends, and we dont go out. so i wanted him to go have fun.... i trusted him. and i used my flowers because i cared enough to not hurt her feelings of missing out when the guy brings you the flower for your dress... i just wanted this girl to not miss out on one of the most important milestones of her life. i just didnt know she liked him or that he like her, i thought it was more of a favor then a date... at least thats what he lead me to believe..... shame on me

[BellaBellaBella]

I was in therapy for a long time. One of the exercises used was to get a bat and beat the hell out of some pillows or the bed. Maybe you could do something like that. I feel sad that this happened to you and your kids. Being a stahm is hard, it sucks the life out of you sometimes, then it is awesome. I have been reading his needs/her needs and I know there is a book called surving an affair by the Harley's.

 

Hang in!

[scatterd]

I am so sorry for your pain.Nothing wi change unti you get MCounceing and he get IC he has issues and you can not continue to ive this way.He is unable

to talk to his wife but he can everyone else.Do you know how many men come up with this ine.I know you want to save your famiy and I think if you can that wonderful but remember this wi continue to happen if he does not get help.I feel so bad for you and I hope you the best.He needs to earn your trust back what is he doing for that do you know where he is at al times does he care if you see his phone or what.It will take time for you and he needs to know that.Big hugs

[Karma24]

well the hole prom thing started because her date canceled last min an hour before they were to attended. we have no friends, and we dont go out. so i wanted him to go have fun.... i trusted him. and i used my flowers because i cared enough to not hurt her feelings of missing out when the guy brings you the flower for your dress... i just wanted this girl to not miss out on one of the most important milestones of her life. i just didnt know she liked him or that he like her, i thought it was more of a favor then a date... at least thats what he lead me to believe..... shame on me

 

I trust that your heart was in the right place...unfortunately it was also kind of naive and...door-mattish even? I'm sorry to put it that way, really I am. Frankly, the whole excuse/reason he gave is really irritating in that instead of being a man and dealing with things in a respectable, mature way he chose to do things the way he did and like I said, I've heard the same crap myself. Only you know your heart and what you're willing to put up with. If your financial position is holding you back from getting out, please find out what you are entitled to for alimony/child support in your state/country. Don't allow yourself to be trapped. Get empowered.

[Dexter Morgan]

moral of the LONG story short....if a guy doesn't care if you have a bf and will mess around with you.....he will mess around ON you.

[Untouchable_Fire]

well the hole prom thing started because her date canceled last min an hour before they were to attended. we have no friends, and we dont go out. so i wanted him to go have fun.... i trusted him. and i used my flowers because i cared enough to not hurt her feelings of missing out when the guy brings you the flower for your dress... i just wanted this girl to not miss out on one of the most important milestones of her life. i just didnt know she liked him or that he like her, i thought it was more of a favor then a date... at least thats what he lead me to believe..... shame on me

 

As a guy I can say without doubt that the only reason he did that is because he either felt you were too weak to hold him accountable... which it seems you might be... or that he didn't care enough about you and doesn't mind losing you. I feel it's probably the former much more than the latter... in which case this will probably be just the first of many times he cheats on you.

[kristenmix]

dexture we didnt mess around when i was with some one else.

[TaraMaiden]

Do you have dyslexia?