2sure Posted July 13, 2010 Posted July 13, 2010 Well, it isnt final final for a couple of more weeks. I know I'm not ready or even that interested....but crap, I did it anyway. Boss of a friend. Knows I'm just out. He is Divorced a year, no kids, Ive met him before. Calls me , I'm flattered and surprised. He tells me he understands I'm not really looking so lets not call it a date. I decline. I get bored out of my skull. I'm back in my hometown, daughter is busy enjoying summer. I called him. We went out to hear a symphony outside and then dinner al fresco. It was great. He walks me to my car, I'm in, he leaves. I burst out crying. Tap on the window. He has my wrap. Bad bad bad. Him: Whats wrong? What happened? Me: I was hoping I would like you. THATS what I said. To this great guy. Like a lunatic. All this after he tells me how much he has admired how together I am. Of course, I deflected that but didnt mean to seal the freaking deal by breaking down 3 seconds after he walks away. He probably thinks I left my wrap on purpose. I have not heard a word from my friend or him. I need a label. To wear on my forehead.
GorillaTheater Posted July 13, 2010 Posted July 13, 2010 I need a label. To wear on my forehead. "Temporarily nucking futs" But emphasis on the "temporary". This too shall pass. Missed your stories, 2sure. Something about the way you combine tragedy and comedy.
Author 2sure Posted July 13, 2010 Author Posted July 13, 2010 Its my upbringing. There is so much irony and satire in life...I cant help it, I find some humor in most of life. Mine anyway.
Author 2sure Posted July 13, 2010 Author Posted July 13, 2010 But really, whadoIdo? Should I call him , apologize? Pretend it didnt happen. I'm going to run into him. AND he still walked away with my wrap in his hand. I'm so glad it was just a brief kiss goodnight, I would have hated to have left, like, my pants in his car.
hopesndreams Posted July 13, 2010 Posted July 13, 2010 I wonder how many other funny dating stories you're going to tell. Thanks for the laugh, lol.
donnamaybe Posted July 13, 2010 Posted July 13, 2010 Do call him. Tell him he's a great guy, just like you told us, but obviously you are NOT ready to find him to be - or anyone else for that matter - "dating material." Maybe if you two just hang out as friends and both of you KNOW it's that (as long as you can keep that cemented in your mined) there won't be the pressure of hoping you'll find him to be "dating material." Does that make sense?
Author 2sure Posted July 13, 2010 Author Posted July 13, 2010 Not many for a long time. When he kissed me, and it was almost chaste...I was sick to my stomache. I still feel married. It felt wrong. So wrong, it scared me. Because well, it isnt wrong. I cried because ..blah...I dont know, I just dont know if I'm going to get over this. If I'm going to want to date. I hate the thought of going through the motions.
Steadfast Posted July 13, 2010 Posted July 13, 2010 You were hoping that going out with another man would feel great, but inside, where it counts, you weren't ready. Your mind made a decision and the action broke your heart all over again. It's all part of the process. Until you're ready, find something constructive to do...maybe start that book you've always wanted to write (you express yourself well) or shop for antiques. Re-finish an old table or set of chairs, buy a hot rod...whatever! Don't rush your heart...it's still trying to catch up. It will. Be patient.
Author 2sure Posted July 13, 2010 Author Posted July 13, 2010 I'll say it. I cannot stand even thought of another man other my husband touching me.
GorillaTheater Posted July 13, 2010 Posted July 13, 2010 But really, whadoIdo? Should I call him , apologize? Pretend it didnt happen. I'm going to run into him. AND he still walked away with my wrap in his hand. I'm so glad it was just a brief kiss goodnight, I would have hated to have left, like, my pants in his car. I don't know, I might call and apologize, ask for my wrap back, then start tittering. Or at least arrange to get your wrap back. Did you have a good time, weepy outbursts aside? Not having dated since Reagan's first term, I can't imagine the dynamics anymore.
GorillaTheater Posted July 13, 2010 Posted July 13, 2010 I'll say it. I cannot stand even thought of another man other my husband touching me. Give yourself some time, maybe a hell of alot of time. You still have a lot of emotional regrouping to go through. Hell, it's not like we're THAT great or anything.
Author 2sure Posted July 13, 2010 Author Posted July 13, 2010 Did you have a good time, weepy outbursts aside? Not having dated since Reagan's first term, I can't imagine the dynamics anymore.[/quote] A good time, no. Not bad, not uncomfortable.Pleasant. Felt like a work meeting w/ music and dinner. Indifferent. Im thinking I'm not afraid of dating itself. Its the physical aspect. The thought of intimacy ...feels violating. Nauseous making.
Author 2sure Posted July 13, 2010 Author Posted July 13, 2010 Hell, it's not like we're THAT great or anything. I hear that. I just dont want to be one of those bitter frigid women that hates men. I mean, really, I could say the words: Piggy dirty filthy hands and mean them...I'd like to not have that floating in the background of my head while discussing wine or music.
Steadfast Posted July 13, 2010 Posted July 13, 2010 Some man is going to be very lucky to have found you.
Author 2sure Posted July 13, 2010 Author Posted July 13, 2010 I'll be OK. Its the final part of the whole divorce business , its so LOOMING. I have to keep busy , you are all right. I wrote a note to him and will put it in the mail: Sorry about that. Thats it. He is a grown up, he'll get it.
melodymatters Posted July 13, 2010 Posted July 13, 2010 Did you have a good time, weepy outbursts aside? Not having dated since Reagan's first term, I can't imagine the dynamics anymore.[/quote] A good time, no. Not bad, not uncomfortable.Pleasant. Felt like a work meeting w/ music and dinner. Indifferent. Im thinking I'm not afraid of dating itself. Its the physical aspect. The thought of intimacy ...feels violating. Nauseous making. I hear you ! I've passed the deep depression stage and am feeling relatively decent nowadys, but I can't stand the thought of sexual intimacy either. I feel like when I was 10 or so and though I "liked boys", the thought of any sort of sexual interaction was " gross". So, I figure either I'm not ready and thats fine, or something broke in me when my husband died so suddenly, and eventually I may need therapy to get that part of me back. It's been 1 yr and 1 month, so I'm not making appointments yet ! Good luck 2sure and thanks for sharing that story with us !
marlena Posted July 13, 2010 Posted July 13, 2010 Hell, it's not like we're THAT great or anything. I hear that. I just dont want to be one of those bitter frigid women that hates men. I mean, really, I could say the words: Piggy dirty filthy hands and mean them...I'd like to not have that floating in the background of my head while discussing wine or music. I went through this phase. It lasted a year. I give you 13 months! Seriously, though, it's normal to feel this way after all that's happened. Take your time and indulge your every whim. You don't need to do anything until you are good and ready. You will be fine. In fact, one day soon, you'll be better than ever.
Author 2sure Posted July 13, 2010 Author Posted July 13, 2010 Thank you thank you melody and marlena. I'll just wait it out. I'm going to sign off and call him. I cant have people walking around possibly discussing me....I will call him and apologize. For all I know, he took what I said personally and I dont want that. I love you guys. Later
marlena Posted July 13, 2010 Posted July 13, 2010 Thank you thank you melody and marlena. I'll just wait it out. I'm going to sign off and call him. I cant have people walking around possibly discussing me....I will call him and apologize. For all I know, he took what I said personally and I dont want that. I love you guys. Later The feeling is mutual, 2sure. I have great respect and admiration for you. You are one gutsy lady. And I love how you can laugh at yourself. I do that, too. They tell me it's a wonderful quality to have. I know it's gotten me through many a tough time in my life. It will do the same for you. Trust me. Now call him. OK?
dgiirl Posted July 14, 2010 Posted July 14, 2010 It will take some time before you are ready to date again. I remember I was a nutcase the first few times a guy showed any interest in me (not even a date, just interest!). I put off serious dating until 2.5 years past my divorce. And when I started dating my current guy, I wanted to break it off every week because I wasn't in love with him yet (within the first week, I was contemplating marriage material and would freak out!). Thankfully, my guy is an amazing man and extremely patient and has put no pressure on me whatsoever. We've simply enjoyed each others company and took it day by day. I'm still a bit of a commitmentphobe but he's completely understanding and I think our relationship works for both of us. I love him differently than my ex-husband. With my ex, I fell in love when I still had innocence. When I thought happily ever after just magically happened. I've lost that innocence. I'm uncertain about my future with anyone, but that has also given me a much more mature relationship. We're together because we want to be, not because we have to be. We're together because we choose to be, not because we need to be. Personally, I think it's a better love, despite the lost innocence. Just take it day by day. Of course, apologize when you think you should, but don't fret over any temporarily nutso freakouts. Realize you are still healing and in time, things will get better. And any man worth dating will be compassionate and understanding. The rest can be left behind.
spriggig Posted July 14, 2010 Posted July 14, 2010 It was a little hard on him at the moment you said it, but he probably figured in out by the time he got back to his car--being recently divorced himself. Here's a label: "Honest Under Pressure", a lot of people tend the other direction.
Author 2sure Posted July 14, 2010 Author Posted July 14, 2010 I called him and told him I was sorry, probably should not ever have called him to go out. He told me: Well, I have your jacket thing and I'll just hold it hostage until you want to go out with me again. Ha Ha. I laughed and said OK, bye. I guess thats gone. And I also feel like he may be kind of jerky. My friend that I met him thru? I assumed he had gotten my # from her. Nope. She said he must have took it from her desk. lol. Anyways, she told me "2sure, remember how you said you felt like you could no longer trust your own judgement of men?" Yes. "Well, you were right. Dont" So, I'm not going to do THAT again for a long time.
carhill Posted July 14, 2010 Posted July 14, 2010 I've dated a couple 'stranger' women since January and found the experiences positive. No thoughts of stbx (you'll likely be final before us, based on how things are going), so perhaps I'm a bit further along in the emotional part, but I haven't seen stbx in over a year and we rarely talk. IIRC, you and your stbx are still living together. Big difference, emotionally. One step at a time. I'd suggest 'experimenting' with strangers so there is no awkward 'after' part. Thanks for sharing
marlena Posted July 14, 2010 Posted July 14, 2010 I called him and told him I was sorry, probably should not ever have called him to go out. He told me: Well, I have your jacket thing and I'll just hold it hostage until you want to go out with me again. Ha Ha. I laughed and said OK, bye. I guess thats gone. And I also feel like he may be kind of jerky. My friend that I met him thru? I assumed he had gotten my # from her. Nope. She said he must have took it from her desk. lol. Anyways, she told me "2sure, remember how you said you felt like you could no longer trust your own judgement of men?" Yes. "Well, you were right. Dont" So, I'm not going to do THAT again for a long time. Your friend is probably right. How can anyone's judgement not be impaired after what you have been through? So, yes, getting seriously involved with anyone right now is probably not a very good idea. You need time to emotionally regroup and gather your strength. Still, no harm was done. You had a nice night out and that's not so bad, right? 2sure, I would go with the flow. Do whatever you feel like doing. If you want to go an a dating hiatus,then, do it. If you every so often feel like dating casually, do that too. Why not? As long as you keep things light, you should be fine. You do not need to plan ahead or make decisions right now. Baby steps.
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