Is this fixable??

[Navarrod]

Hi, wanting some advice bc I don't know where to go from here. I been in a relationship with my boyfriend for almost three years. A year and a half ago I found out he cheated on me more than once I was pregnant at the time with our first child. It wasn't an emotional affair it was just sex well I decided to forgive him and give him a second chance. It has been hard for me trust him but I was almost to the point of believing he had really changed. So now I'm pregnant again with twins and found an email he sent out to someone wanting to meet to have sex with. Well it didn't happen because I confronted him about it before there was a chance for him to go thru with it. Now he said he is sorry for sending that email but that he didn't cheat and that he only tought about it and was not going to act on it. Im so confused and don't know what to do, we had been doing great all this time till now. Is it worth staying???

[2long]

This is a tough one because you're not married but you have kids 2gether. I don't believe it's helpful 2 say things like "why didn't you get married before having kids?" because you DO have kids and they do deserve 2 be cared for. It just makes your choices a lot more complicated going forward.

 

It is good that you don't trust him at this point. What you will discover is that there's an important difference between blind trust (trusting someone just because) and earned trust.

 

Is he willing 2 change his behavior 2 show you that he is worthy of your trust?

 

Also, you will learn that it isn't the sex that's the worst part of being betrayed, it's the lies. An emotional affair is just as bad as a physical one, from the betrayed's perspective.

 

Take care of yourself and your kids, first and foremost. Eat right, get plenty of sleep, and seek professional help if you can get it.

 

-ol' 2long

[spriggig]

No one deserves to be cheated on. Ever. For any reason. Never.

 

Thinking ahead--married or not, he's required to pay child support if he leaves you or you kick him out. Also, marriage is no protection against cheating, so the fact that you're not married is irrelevant.

 

Ball is in your court, you caught him red-handed and we all know he would have gone through with it if you hadn't caught him.

 

Try to see this from his point of view--he's wrong, of course, but still try. It may help you clear out some of the anger and resentment and think more clearly.

 

No one on this board can tell you if you should take him back or kick him out--we don't know how much you love him, what your capacity for forgiving is, what your financial situation is, how trust-worthy and loving he has been otherwise or his capacity for changing himself for the better. We can speculate, but we don't know.

 

If in fact it was "just sex" for him, that is a very immature and selfish thing to do. It's sort of a "guys just wanna have fun" thing to do, but he's a father in a committed relationship. So, he needs to grow up, no matter how old he is.

 

I think, since he's already done this before, nothing short of breaking up with him will open his eyes to what he is at risk of losing. But that's just my opinion.

 

This, however is a fact, there are plenty of great guys out there who would be interested in a caring, honest, forgiving woman. Yes, even one with two young kids. I married my wife and got a great, four-year-old step son in the bargain.

[CrayonAngel]

You have 2 choices IMO

 

A) Stick with him, DEMAND he go to counseling. There will always be a chance that he will go back to his old ways so are you willing to lose more of yourself? are you ready to feel the self-doubt and mistrust that this choice will ensure?

 

B) Dump his sorry ass. (my choice)

[Dexter Morgan]

he cheated once already.....then he sends an email to someone asking to meet for sex....but says he didn't meet her, therefore it isn't cheating. bulls##t....its still cheating and he intended to cheat physically.

 

Is this fixable? no