Lonely66 Posted July 13, 2010 Posted July 13, 2010 I need help, I've been married 15 yrs have 2 daughters an a son, my wife cheated on me 12 yrs ago and when that happened I still wanted her to stay with me, we had our 2 daughters, years went by and I kept accusing her of having an affair, through out the yrs I dragged all this feelings down with me making her life hard to share with me, a few yrs ago she told me that she was tired of me accusing her of this things and that it was not true and that she was tired of me trying to be so controlling and that she was ready to leave me, we talked about our marriage and we both came to an understanding, and it was mostly me that I have to change my additude, stop accusing her and stop trying to control her. I agreed and made lots of changes except the most important ones "controling" & "accusing her", it seems that everything was working fine with our relantionship. I made a trip to Los angeles for business, while I was here there was graduation party at our best friends house to celebrate his/her son's graduation; everything was ok until I try to call her and she would not answer back, so I called our best friend and found out that she was drinking and she had left her phone at the house wich is accross the street, I finally got a hold of her reaching her trough my daughters phones and friends, finally one of our friends answer his phone and ask him is he could please let me speak with my wife, so now I'm finally talking with my wife and asking her to tell me why is she drinking knowing that our kids where there etc. we argue and hung up. The next few days we argue but came to terms with her that it was not a big deal, but I let her know that I was not happy her drinking. Through out that week she told that one of our friends birthday was going to be on Saturday and that she was not sure what her friend wanted to do, Saturday came and I returned a phone call to a friend; and he started to tell me about the birthday since it was his wife, sudently he told me that they were going dancing that evening and that my wife was coming along with them, right away I got mad because my wife did not say anything to me the night before when we've talked. So I called my wife and I demanded to give me an explanation as why she did not imform me of this after all I'm still her husband and I thought tha she should tell me "wrong" all the words came out the wrong way and we argued for hours, finally she told me "you know what? I'm going to the dance whether you like it or not" and she went, the next day we spoke and I let her know that I was very mad and she try to tell me that I shouldn't make a big deal about it. Finally I said, you know what I don't care I'm going home on Monday and I don't want you to pick me up at the airport, she replied: I will be there with my arms wide open waiting for you. Finally I made it back home that Monday and afte she picked me up she ask me, where should we go to talk? I said where ever you want. She drove for a while and stoped at a coffe shop, I said, what are we doing here we are not going to be able to talk here, than she asked, where do you want to go, and I said lets go to a hotel check in for a few hours and she agreed. At the hotel she sat down and told me that she was trying to make a decision of whether she should leave me or stay with me, and we've talk for a while until we came to an agreedman, that had to come to L.A. and that she wanted to use that as a seperation I agreed and we the best sex we had in two months for about 2 hours. At home we started our routine, I finish some unfinish projects, and started talking to her but she would tell me to give her some space and I back off just a bit but not enough for her to fill presured, we kept on talking and just a few days before leaving back to L.A. we've talked and I've ask if she could give the oportunity to make the changes and she agreed. Once in L.A. I started texting her and she said to give her space and I did it just a bit again, until today, she send me a letter telling me that she was sorry but she was not going to give the time that we've agreed because she does not want to take the change of me not changing. Can you please help to coupe with this and to see if there is any chance of us getting back together. I talk to her today and ask her if could go to counseling, she agreed but she said to helps us with our seperation so we don't hurt the kids. Any help will be greatly appreciated.
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