RaeRae30 Posted July 13, 2010 Posted July 13, 2010 Hello all, I haven't posted in a while. I thought things were really working out for me. My MM actually moved in with me, left his family and came to live in my house. Well that lasted 2 nights. He woke up crying saying he couldn't do it and I said ok then go back. I packed up his stuff and sent him on his way. That was Thursday morning. I haven't tried to contact him and vice versa but it's killing me. I know I'm doing the right thing here but why is it so hard? I really thought he loved me. I guess I'm just looking for a little support because we all know it's hard to find sympathizers in the real world for people in our situation. Many thanks in advance.
califnan Posted July 13, 2010 Posted July 13, 2010 Hello all, I haven't posted in a while. I thought things were really working out for me. My MM actually moved in with me, left his family and came to live in my house. Well that lasted 2 nights. He woke up crying saying he couldn't do it and I said ok then go back. I packed up his stuff and sent him on his way. That was Thursday morning. I haven't tried to contact him and vice versa but it's killing me. I know I'm doing the right thing here but why is it so hard? I really thought he loved me. I guess I'm just looking for a little support because we all know it's hard to find sympathizers in the real world for people in our situation. Many thanks in advance. ---------------------- Hi Rae, Well to my mind, you've done the right thing.. Hope you have been reading LS to know that it isn't uncommon for the MM to live with the OW and then be in confusion and sometimes moving back to family. Right now you're probably feeling hurt and frustrated .. But know that only He can stop the rollercoaster.. Busy yourself with whatever you have wanted to do for yourself - If you find NC too difficult to keep, make drafts for yourself of things you would want to say in a goodbye.. But don't send yet..
Mombot Posted July 13, 2010 Posted July 13, 2010 You did the right thing. The right thing doesn't always feel good.
fooled once Posted July 13, 2010 Posted July 13, 2010 He wasn't ready to end his marriage. I wonder where he told his wife he was for those 2 days? At this point, I hope you stay NC because to break that it is only going to hurt you more as you realize that your 'love' wasn't enough. Sorry you are hurting.
pureinheart Posted July 13, 2010 Posted July 13, 2010 (edited) Hello all, I haven't posted in a while. I thought things were really working out for me. My MM actually moved in with me, left his family and came to live in my house. Well that lasted 2 nights. He woke up crying saying he couldn't do it and I said ok then go back. I packed up his stuff and sent him on his way. That was Thursday morning. I haven't tried to contact him and vice versa but it's killing me. I know I'm doing the right thing here but why is it so hard? I really thought he loved me. I guess I'm just looking for a little support because we all know it's hard to find sympathizers in the real world for people in our situation. Many thanks in advance. Hi RR... I wish I could welcome you to the forum under better circumstances..although welcome anyway. Based on what you have communicated in your post, this could set the stage of "flip-flopping" (going back and forth), should he call you and you return the call. It's obvious he has your heart, and one call from him could set you back because it "hurts" and as humans we try to avoid hurt at any cost. Well, (not trying to be sarcastic on any level) IRL A's are more common than many want to believe. It's actually the norm in my neck of the woods. No matter what I usually don't talk to anyone about any R I'm in, usually keeping between me and the OP...IF I do open up it's in general terms. In my sitch concerning exDM, I had to open up a lot and was surprised to find that I opened the door for others to open up about their A's...I saw it to be as healing for them as it was for me...I was at my wits end not knowing what to do. Even though it's the norm in my area, it was not the norm for me... Even though exDM didn't flip-flop concerning the D, he did flip-flop in our R. Who knows, he might have wanted to flip-flop concerning the D also, there is a lot that goes on that the BS and OP don't know about...only the WS has the answers and a lot of the time they operate in confusion...I don't do confusion and I hope if he calls you, you won't either:). Hey just post away and release what you need to... Edited July 13, 2010 by pureinheart
Ellin Posted July 13, 2010 Posted July 13, 2010 Dear RaeRae30, I really feel for you. It must have been an awful shock just after you started thinking that things were working out for you. I can only imagine how hard it is now.. I personally don't think that there is anything else that you can do in the situation. Surely contacting him in order to get him to come back wouldn't be advisable and I'm sure you wouldn't like to do that. But if you find yourself really wanting to tell him something that would help you to find some kind of closure, you should feel free to do it. In the meantime, please hold on, we humans find strength we woudln't think we had, if necessary. It hurts terribly because it's so fresh, but time does heal, sooner or later. It will not hurt so much in a week and even less in a month. How long did your A last?
sadintexas Posted July 14, 2010 Posted July 14, 2010 I'm sorry. It's hard having your heart crushed like that. Truth be told, he just wasn't ready to end his M. Whether it's because of love or guilt or a sense of obligation, who knows? At the end of the day though, I suppose the reason doesn't really matter as it can't lessen your pain any. I'm sorry you're hurting. I believe this is one reason why it's usually advocated to give them 6 months or so on their own after their D is final. It gives them time to grieve the loss of the M and gives you a buffer zone. Despite how much you may love him, his answer for now is clear. Maintaining NC will be the healthiest thing for you to be able to deal with this. It hurts, but it does get easier with time.
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