Author USMCHokie Posted July 13, 2010 Author Posted July 13, 2010 I really hope that this will not punch you in the face, man. Nothing punches me in the face, and I appreciate candid honesty. I just recently joined LS and I already read a lot of posts and this is a great help to me to be stronger and cope with the break-up. I also read posts from the ‘wise men’ here. I call them that way because they have a certain status around here. You and GrayClouds are one of them. You guys know what it is all about (so it seems). I think a lot of people will find your posts helpful and see you as a strong force they can rely on and where they find strength to keep their weakness to a minimum. But when you see such a strong character give in to something like this, I think people can get affected by this and do the same. When the contact between the two of you will work out quite nicely, I think people get insecure and question the whole NC and break it out of hope and will go through a lot of unnecessary pain. I appreciate that you consider me one of those 'wise men' on LS. It means a lot that I can help out those in search of answers on these forums. And you bring up a very good point. I debated for a while on whether I should reveal my "mistake" to the LS community, but decided in the end to do it. I know this is definitely not leading by example, and I certainly don't want it to turn into the beginnings of a second chance attempt which will only serve to lead new LS members in the wrong direction with hopes that second chances work out. During conception, the thread was actually intentioned to be more of a joke post...but it turned out to reveal some deeper issues of mine that I had been blind to before...so I'm glad I brought it up on LS...
GrayClouds Posted July 13, 2010 Posted July 13, 2010 I appreciate that you consider me one of those 'wise men' on LS. During conception, the thread was actually intentioned to be more of a joke post...but it turned out to reveal some deeper issues of mine that I had been blind to before...so I'm glad I brought it up on LS... And that is why you are one of those "wise men" you go beyond the surface to try to understand yourself. Digging deeper is where insight is gain and growth begins. It not mistakes that define a person, it is how we respond to our mistake that reveal character.
DustySaltus Posted July 13, 2010 Posted July 13, 2010 Just entering into the fray over here. You and I were in the same boat Hokie. A year later we never thought we would hear from them again. But something happened that triggered this contact from you. It may not have anything to do with her. It could be that you are looking for something that you have not yet found and had to reach into the past to try in find it. Maybe it's happiness, maybe it's the excitement or perhaps the security. These are all things we can find within ourselves. I would say that even after all the vindictive stuff that my ex did to me I probably had 10 weak moments where I wanted to contact her over the last year. What stopped me every time was the fact that she decided that after all I did for her, I wasn't an honest, hardworking, loyal and genuine guy. Although I risked my career and alienated friends and family for her, it was never going to be enough. If I would've contacted her I would've justified everything she said about me. But I know who I am and although at times I felt like I was the loneliest guy in the world, I realized that I'd rather be alone with the person I love the most than with someone who didn't accept me for who I am. As others have said, you truly are one of the wiser members here. We all want to see you happy because you absolutely deserve that. Sometimes I read the advice of members on here and I wonder how someone could ever let them go....but it happens. I just want you to get better and find someone that truly makes you happy. So where do you want to go from here?
Always A Lesson Posted July 13, 2010 Posted July 13, 2010 It was risky contacting her, but you got past that "primal" urge to do it and you did it.... I get it. Somethings just can't be put into words and explained.......got it. What you did gain: 1. a group of people who admire you and support you even though you stepped out the box (unconditional admiration & support) 2. phenomenal knowledge learned from this forum...by contacting her with your eyes"wide open". 3. Regardless of what happens, you did it.... You don't have to wonder "what would happen if I broke NC?" You already know....You're past that..... we just don't want you to open that scab and hurt again, the wound you open may be deeper this time around...
hopesndreams Posted July 13, 2010 Posted July 13, 2010 I thought long and hard about this...I went back and forth about whether to break NC and I realized that there's no hope left in my heart...I'm ok with whatever comes from this, whether it's just a one time exchange of pleasantries or the start of continued contact. I'll leave that up to her. And I'm over her and have long since dropped all hope and prospects of a future with her, but I'm also not over her...I still occasionally think about her, and her ghost still haunts my current dating efforts...I just don't feel all that interested in dating ever since the breakup...even the current girl isn't really growing on me even though things are going great... I feel sorry for your current girl.
teanoranges Posted July 13, 2010 Posted July 13, 2010 I really hope that this will not punch you in the face, man. I just recently joined LS and I already read a lot of posts and this is a great help to me to be stronger and cope with the break-up. I also read posts from the ‘wise men’ here. I call them that way because they have a certain status around here. You and GrayClouds are one of them. You guys know what it is all about (so it seems). I think a lot of people will find your posts helpful and see you as a strong force they can rely on and where they find strength to keep their weakness to a minimum. But when you see such a strong character give in to something like this, I think people can get affected by this and do the same. When the contact between the two of you will work out quite nicely, I think people get insecure and question the whole NC and break it out of hope and will go through a lot of unnecessary pain. As much as I do agree with some of this and think that USMCHokie was one of the 'wise' men of LS, I think that his slip up is more of evidence that we ALL are only human and these things happen even to the best of us.. so there's no reason for anyone to feel dumb/weak/not enough... but that's just my opinion.
Author USMCHokie Posted July 13, 2010 Author Posted July 13, 2010 I feel sorry for your current girl. We've only been seeing each other for about a month and are not officially in a relationship yet, but you're right...on one hand, I want to just end things and not date for a while, but I also want to see how things turn out with her...I don't know...
TheLoneSock Posted July 13, 2010 Posted July 13, 2010 how could you open up the scab... Lol, boys will be boys (and girls too...). I always used to open up scabs when I was younger, to 'test' and see if it had healed yet, to experiment with how it would feel or look like Of course, now that I'm all growed up, I know better because I see the irony in such a thing. Funny, isn't it?
Author USMCHokie Posted July 13, 2010 Author Posted July 13, 2010 So where do you want to go from here? Dusty, as always, thanks for the kind words and sage wisdom. I look up to you too as a 'wise man of LS'. I really don't know what prompted me to even think about contacting her. It may have just been respect for her, even if she was someone from my past. She never did anything vindictive or spiteful to me. It wasn't an attempt to reach out to her and probe for information. Just wanted to wish her a good birthday, that was all... Where do I want to go from here...? I don't think my email to her has changed a single thing in my life. I will go on (or at least try ) as if I never contacted her. We sent a few emails back and forth, but I don't see it going any further than the brief correspondence we had yesterday. So I want to go where I was headed before I sent the email...even though I don't really know where that is...but who really does...?
mickleb Posted July 13, 2010 Posted July 13, 2010 As much as I do agree with some of this and think that USMCHokie was one of the 'wise' men of LS, I think that his slip up is more of evidence that we ALL are only human and these things happen even to the best of us.. so there's no reason for anyone to feel dumb/weak/not enough... but that's just my opinion. I second this. x
CLC2008 Posted July 13, 2010 Posted July 13, 2010 As much as I do agree with some of this and think that USMCHokie was one of the 'wise' men of LS, I think that his slip up is more of evidence that we ALL are only human and these things happen even to the best of us.. so there's no reason for anyone to feel dumb/weak/not enough... but that's just my opinion. I second this too. I think people like Hokie are the ones that lead by example, so we look up to them in a way. I'm glad that he posted this, because I've caved from time to time too, and hearing the responses helps. I am sure it helps a lot of others too. OP is still moving forward and has a really good/positive outlook which is a great thing to have IMO.
Author USMCHokie Posted July 14, 2010 Author Posted July 14, 2010 As much as I do agree with some of this and think that USMCHokie was one of the 'wise' men of LS, I think that his slip up is more of evidence that we ALL are only human and these things happen even to the best of us.. so there's no reason for anyone to feel dumb/weak/not enough... but that's just my opinion. I second this too. I think people like Hokie are the ones that lead by example, so we look up to them in a way. I'm glad that he posted this, because I've caved from time to time too, and hearing the responses helps. I am sure it helps a lot of others too. OP is still moving forward and has a really good/positive outlook which is a great thing to have IMO. Thanks, it really means a lot coming from you two. And you're right...sometimes we make mistakes, but we have to realize that it isn't the end of the world, and it is what we do after making those mistakes and what we learn from making those mistakes that is most important.
Citizen Erased Posted July 14, 2010 Posted July 14, 2010 Hahah, unfortunately I can't poke her as she's currently blocked on FB...unless there's a different poking you are referring too... Who pokes people on FB anyway...? Do people still do that?!? I only poke my bf on FB. Although my mum poked me the other day...awkward. You silly man, get over her and hook up with Leia. You know you want to.
Author USMCHokie Posted July 14, 2010 Author Posted July 14, 2010 You silly man, get over her and hook up with Leia. You know you want to. Awww CE...you sooo revealed my not-so-secret little secret...!!!
Sadbutrelieved Posted July 14, 2010 Posted July 14, 2010 Coming in late here, but I'm 100% for poking!
DenverBachelor Posted July 14, 2010 Posted July 14, 2010 Coming in late here, but I'm 100% for poking! How YOU doing?
CLC2008 Posted July 15, 2010 Posted July 15, 2010 Coming in late here, but I'm 100% for poking! .........
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