USMCHokie Posted July 12, 2010 Posted July 12, 2010 Yep...guess whose birthday it was today?? After much deliberation, I decided to send a quick happy birthday email to her, and I have no regrets. It's been almost a year now since the breakup, most of which was NC, and I've done a lot of growing up since then. A lot of you will probably boat paddle me for doing it because she doesn't deserve anything from me, which is true. And although I know I'm not totally over her yet, I'm definitely at a point of acceptance where it doesn't hurt anymore and where I wouldn't be flooded by feelings if I heard from her. I wasn't expecting a response from her, but she responded, and we actually exchanged quite a few small talk emails about light random stuff. No mention of the past or anything. But it was like we hadn't missed a beat. I don't know if we'll still keep in touch, but it doesn't matter. But in general, to all those in the LS community who are coping with a breakup, don't be an idiot like me and break NC for any reason...especially not for birthdays.
Leia Posted July 12, 2010 Posted July 12, 2010 Yep...guess whose birthday it was today?? After much deliberation, I decided to send a quick happy birthday email to her, and I have no regrets. It's been almost a year now since the breakup, most of which was NC, and I've done a lot of growing up since then. A lot of you will probably boat paddle me for doing it because she doesn't deserve anything from me, which is true. And although I know I'm not totally over her yet, I'm definitely at a point of acceptance where it doesn't hurt anymore and where I wouldn't be flooded by feelings if I heard from her. I wasn't expecting a response from her, but she responded, and we actually exchanged quite a few small talk emails about light random stuff. No mention of the past or anything. But it was like we hadn't missed a beat. I don't know if we'll still keep in touch, but it doesn't matter. But in general, to all those in the LS community who are coping with a breakup, don't be an idiot like me and break NC for any reason...especially not for birthdays. :rolleyes::rolleyes:
CLC2008 Posted July 12, 2010 Posted July 12, 2010 Yep...guess whose birthday it was today?? After much deliberation, I decided to send a quick happy birthday email to her, and I have no regrets. It's been almost a year now since the breakup, most of which was NC, and I've done a lot of growing up since then. A lot of you will probably boat paddle me for doing it because she doesn't deserve anything from me, which is true. And although I know I'm not totally over her yet, I'm definitely at a point of acceptance where it doesn't hurt anymore and where I wouldn't be flooded by feelings if I heard from her. I wasn't expecting a response from her, but she responded, and we actually exchanged quite a few small talk emails about light random stuff. No mention of the past or anything. But it was like we hadn't missed a beat. I don't know if we'll still keep in touch, but it doesn't matter. But in general, to all those in the LS community who are coping with a breakup, don't be an idiot like me and break NC for any reason...especially not for birthdays. That is why poking is safer. :laugh:
Author USMCHokie Posted July 12, 2010 Author Posted July 12, 2010 That is why poking is safer. :laugh: Hahah, unfortunately I can't poke her as she's currently blocked on FB...unless there's a different poking you are referring too... Who pokes people on FB anyway...? Do people still do that?!?
CLC2008 Posted July 12, 2010 Posted July 12, 2010 Hahah, unfortunately I can't poke her as she's currently blocked on FB...unless there's a different poking you are referring too... Who pokes people on FB anyway...? Do people still do that?!? Lots of people do. A friendly poke.
lso802 Posted July 12, 2010 Posted July 12, 2010 After much deliberation, I decided to send a quick happy birthday email to her, and I have no regrets. I did the same thing. I don't regret it though. For me, it was the cordial thing to do, since we were not only a couple but also good friends.
Author USMCHokie Posted July 12, 2010 Author Posted July 12, 2010 Lots of people do. A friendly poke. Hahah, I guess there's nothing quite like a friendly poke... :laugh:
CLC2008 Posted July 12, 2010 Posted July 12, 2010 Hahah, I guess there's nothing quite like a friendly poke... :laugh: It's soft, cuddly and refreshening.
GrayClouds Posted July 12, 2010 Posted July 12, 2010 Aughhhhhhhhhhhh bananaboat how could you open up the scab...no wait not BB? USMChokie??????????? No, cant be... He's way to smart for that.... .
northstar1 Posted July 12, 2010 Posted July 12, 2010 The fact you sent her a bday message a year later isn't so bad......it's the fact you admitted you are not over her yet that is. I just hope that your exchange of pleasantries isn't going to reopen the hope chest in your heart man, I really do. Please don't go down that path man.
Author USMCHokie Posted July 12, 2010 Author Posted July 12, 2010 Aughhhhhhhhhhhh bananaboat how could you open up the scab...no wait not BB? USMChokie??????????? No, cant be... He's way to smart for that.... . Heh, yep, I definitely had my moment of stupidity...but even if I had opened up a scab, I feel like healed skin is sitting right underneath it...hahah, all my street cred in the coping forum has just gone out the window...
Author USMCHokie Posted July 12, 2010 Author Posted July 12, 2010 The fact you sent her a bday message a year later isn't so bad......it's the fact you admitted you are not over her yet that is. I just hope that your exchange of pleasantries isn't going to reopen the hope chest in your heart man, I really do. Please don't go down that path man. I thought long and hard about this...I went back and forth about whether to break NC and I realized that there's no hope left in my heart...I'm ok with whatever comes from this, whether it's just a one time exchange of pleasantries or the start of continued contact. I'll leave that up to her. And I'm over her and have long since dropped all hope and prospects of a future with her, but I'm also not over her...I still occasionally think about her, and her ghost still haunts my current dating efforts...I just don't feel all that interested in dating ever since the breakup...even the current girl isn't really growing on me even though things are going great...
skydiveaddict Posted July 12, 2010 Posted July 12, 2010 Have you lost your mind? What possessed you to do such a dumb thing. I dont need a boat paddle, I'm gonna get my sledgehammer and knock some sense into you. Dont ever do that again
Author USMCHokie Posted July 12, 2010 Author Posted July 12, 2010 Have you lost your mind? What possessed you to do such a dumb thing. I dont need a boat paddle, I'm gonna get my sledgehammer and knock some sense into you. Dont ever do that again Yes, perhaps I did lose my mind...and I have no idea why I did it...I was honestly not expecting more than a 'thanks' in response or no response at all...and that'd be the end of it...
listen_to_me_please Posted July 12, 2010 Posted July 12, 2010 (edited) for some odd reason if i contact my ex, i think she would respond. She probably even still has feelings for me. I have no idea but I never will do that. Never in this life. She hurt me pretty good. I haven't seen or spoken to her in about 2 and half years. There still this one picture of us up on one of her friends facebook albiums, I so wish I could delete that. I'm not bitter or angry or anything, I just feel as if, there should be nothing left, no reminders, no pictures, no memories, nothing. I hope I don't see her any time soon. I just want to forget I knew her, met her, had sex with her and fell in love with her. One day, that day will come, until then I'm stuck with her in my heart. It won't go away. Edited July 12, 2010 by listen_to_me_please
DenverBachelor Posted July 12, 2010 Posted July 12, 2010 I don't agree with what you did and here's why. You're not one of these guys that comes on here after a fresh break-up and is naive to doing all the wrong things. You've been around the block and have hung out here long enough to know what you did was wrong and the only reason you did it was to: a) Kill curiousity b) Generate some excitement and drama c) Go back into the past Now although you may feel right now that you're in a position to not really care what she says or does, I can guarantee you that if she says something you aren't expecting, you're going to be thrown back into a world of hurt. To put it bluntly, you don't need her any more in your life. She's a part of your past and you should be looking forward. It's fine to remember her and even grow fonder of the times you spent together, but you're a different person now and so is she -- you don't want to pollute the past with breaking NC and mixing the present in with all of those past memories. You made a mistake but it isn't the end of the world. I would highly suggest you go back into NC and stay there and move forward by dating other women. She's in your past and you need to let go of her. The fact that you sent her a message on her birthday shows that you're still spending a bit too much time thinking about her. I remember how much pain you were in many months ago -- I'd hate to see you even sample some of that pain again. You've made a lot of great strides in the past half year -- don't throw it all away because you're curious about her. She is dead to you. Move on with your life.
deux ex machina Posted July 12, 2010 Posted July 12, 2010 (edited) I thought long and hard about this...I went back and forth about whether to break NC and I realized that there's no hope left in my heart...I'm ok with whatever comes from this, whether it's just a one time exchange of pleasantries or the start of continued contact. I'll leave that up to her. Really? ...really? Ugh. I'm not intensely questioning you, Hokie -- you know your own mind. But let's just say it's slightly worrying and leave it at that. And I'm over her and have long since dropped all hope and prospects of a future with her, but I'm also not over her...I still occasionally think about her, and her ghost still haunts my current dating efforts...I just don't feel all that interested in dating ever since the breakup...even the current girl isn't really growing on me even though things are going great... OK. I'll just say it. I am concerned this renewed contact will make it considerably more difficult for you to move on to another fully. If you should find yourself awaiting a response at any time, it's a danger signal. Tread carefully at this time. Edited July 12, 2010 by deux ex machina
DenverBachelor Posted July 12, 2010 Posted July 12, 2010 OK. I'll just say it. I am concerned this renewed contact will make it considerably more difficult for you to move on to another fully. If you should find yourself awaiting a response at any time, it's a danger signal. Tread carefully at this time. Damn Deux, I really love your picture. She's hot! And I haven't seen you post around these parts lately? But what DEM said is dead on -- you're kidding yourself if you think that this little exchange means nothing no matter which way it goes. You've put yourself back into the game and just like in the movie WAR GAMES, the only winning move is not to play. No matter what happens now, you're going to be faced with disappointment. You and I both know that you miss her and would love a second shot. What you are doing right now is the most passive-aggressive line of thinking that you can employ. You're telling yourself you don't really care when in fact you really do. You can lie to the world and lie to its people, but you can't lie to yourself. It never works well.
teanoranges Posted July 12, 2010 Posted July 12, 2010 asdhjadgjkh dfg sdfgs dfgn dfn gadns dfndfndfndfjndfjdfhjdfhjkhjkdfsgjkhs bdfj bdfjn (this is me banging my head on the keyboard.... well, sort of) It happens. Life goes on too.
Author USMCHokie Posted July 12, 2010 Author Posted July 12, 2010 OK. I'll just say it. I am concerned this renewed contact will make it considerably more difficult for you to move on to another fully. If you should find yourself awaiting a response at any time, it's a danger signal. Tread carefully at this time. I think I'm already have an impossible time moving onto someone new as it is...so I don't feel like this is making it any worse than it already is...and my original birthday message, which wasn't even a whole sentence, was a fire-and-forget...I wasn't expecting a response...and still don't expect any more correspondence beyond the dozen emails back and forth today...but I understand how it can be a slippery slope to be walking...I know I don't want to get caught in that trap of waiting for messages from her that won't be coming. And DB, I'll respond to your posts a little later...there's a lot of good stuff there and I need some time to go through it...
Thierro Posted July 12, 2010 Posted July 12, 2010 (edited) I really hope that this will not punch you in the face, man. I just recently joined LS and I already read a lot of posts and this is a great help to me to be stronger and cope with the break-up. I also read posts from the ‘wise men’ here. I call them that way because they have a certain status around here. You and GrayClouds are one of them. You guys know what it is all about (so it seems). I think a lot of people will find your posts helpful and see you as a strong force they can rely on and where they find strength to keep their weakness to a minimum. But when you see such a strong character give in to something like this, I think people can get affected by this and do the same. When the contact between the two of you will work out quite nicely, I think people get insecure and question the whole NC and break it out of hope and will go through a lot of unnecessary pain. Edited July 12, 2010 by Thierro
AlwaysConflicted Posted July 13, 2010 Posted July 13, 2010 Right about now, your ex is thinking "wtf?" No good can come from this interaction. May the force be with you.
GrayClouds Posted July 13, 2010 Posted July 13, 2010 Heh, yep, I definitely had my moment of stupidity...but even if I had opened up a scab, I feel like healed skin is sitting right underneath it...hahah, all my street cred in the coping forum has just gone out the window... Maybe it is all those protein shakes your drink that helps quicken the healing...
Author USMCHokie Posted July 13, 2010 Author Posted July 13, 2010 Right about now, your ex is thinking "wtf?" No good can come from this interaction. May the force be with you. Hahahah, this is probably 100% accurate... :laugh: And you're right, no good can come from this interaction. But at this point, this was a one time interaction, and as long as it remains as such, nothing bad can happen from it. If she doesn't contact me again, then it doesn't matter what she thinks of me. It happened; it's done; as teanoranges said, life goes on...
deux ex machina Posted July 13, 2010 Posted July 13, 2010 Damn Deux, I really love your picture. She's hot! And I haven't seen you post around these parts lately?... Hiya, DB! Hot she is. Adore her. I know...always something new all over LS! Luckily people catch me up sometimes, or I'd be endlessly thinking, "What the heck?!" Thanks for asking after me. ---------- I think I'm already have an impossible time moving onto someone new as it is...so I don't feel like this is making it any worse than it already is...and my original birthday message, which wasn't even a whole sentence, was a fire-and-forget...I wasn't expecting a response...and still don't expect any more correspondence beyond the dozen emails back and forth today...but I understand how it can be a slippery slope to be walking...I know I don't want to get caught in that trap of waiting for messages from her that won't be coming... Hugs, you.
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