Bbsteps Posted July 12, 2010 Posted July 12, 2010 (edited) Hi everyone, i'm new here... my boyfriend broke up with me 4 days ago.. He was acting weird all week and when i ask him what's wrong, he wouldn't tell me until i forced it out of him and he said he wanted to break up... I believe the reason for the break up was because i didnt give him enough space, We see each other daily and i always want him to spend more time with me..I would get upset when he doesnt know what we can do together.. he said he was tired and dont want to try anymore... at the time of break up, i asked if he still loves me he said "What if i say no.." , i tried begging but he pleaded me not to beg him...then i asked if i can stay at his house one last time and he let me... i still have a lot of stuff left at his house which i did not get back yet but now whenever i call him (i call him once a day to see how hes doing) he still answers the phone...We went out 2 days in a roll after the break up and i acted happy around him and when i sit close to him he still lets me. we were at a BBQ yesturday and we still shared drinks and made food for each other and chatted normal chats, His friends cudn't even tell we broke up. But when i asked taht I want to go to his house he said "no, we have discussed this already" and then act cold to me again. I dont understand if he just want me as a friend or if he still loves me. I want to be with him again and i dont know what to do... hes the type of person that when he decide on something he ll do it and wont look back.. Do i still have a chance? Edited July 12, 2010 by Bbsteps
Ronni_W Posted July 12, 2010 Posted July 12, 2010 But when i asked taht I want to go to his house he said "no, we have discussed this already" and then act cold to me again. I dont understand if he just want me as a friend or if he still loves me. I want to be with him again and i dont know what to do... hes the type of person that when he decide on something he ll do it and wont look back.. Do i still have a chance? Based on what you know about him and what he has told you (bolded), then your answer is, "no", isn't it? No, you do not still have a chance for him to look back or change his decision. Won't matter if he is friendly towards you for the rest of time, will it? Because he's the type of person who doesn't look back after he's decided on something. Because you acted too clingy and needy, and he does not want that in his partner; does not want to have to deal with it in his life anymore. Most likely he doesn't even mind you calling him every day because, by doing that, you are just proving that he made a wise decision for himself. I'm sorry that you're going through this. Break-ups are painful.
Author Bbsteps Posted July 12, 2010 Author Posted July 12, 2010 Based on what you know about him and what he has told you (bolded), then your answer is, "no", isn't it? No, you do not still have a chance for him to look back or change his decision. Won't matter if he is friendly towards you for the rest of time, will it? Because he's the type of person who doesn't look back after he's decided on something. Because you acted too clingy and needy, and he does not want that in his partner; does not want to have to deal with it in his life anymore. Most likely he doesn't even mind you calling him every day because, by doing that, you are just proving that he made a wise decision for himself. I'm sorry that you're going through this. Break-ups are painful. I thank you for your honest opinion. I have just recently talked to a friend of his (my friend too since we have been good friends since i met him through my ex), and I just got some ideas of where his past relationships were... He was always the one who initiates the love with his ex's and I guess I was the only one who clings to him. I honestly love him and I just hope that we have at least a chance to start over, fresh. His friend told me to not look for him at all for a few days and see if he looks for me. I am very upset and afraid right now, lost and confused...
Ronni_W Posted July 12, 2010 Posted July 12, 2010 Hugs, Bb. I know it's hard. What you can be doing in the meantime, is learn how to become more self-reliant. Not to change for him, but for yourself -- so that YOU can feel more confident and capable within yourself, and stop being clingy and needy over guys. (Self-esteem-experts.com has some good free articles.) Once you start growing your own self-esteem and self-confidence, you will naturally come across as more adult/independent -- which people do find more appealing and attractive, in general. So it'll be win-win for you, regardless of what may or may not happen with this particular guy, in the future. Your mutual friend gave you excellent advice, IMO. Stay 'no contact' and just do your best to keep living your own life as best you can, right now. You already know that your ex doesn't have a reputation for rethinking his decisions. So...just do keep that in mind so you don't get hurt any further. I do hope that things will work out. But for that to happen, you'll also have to do some rethinking about your own behaviour that put him off in the first place, and figure out what you WANT to change about that, for yourself. Very best of luck.
lunita Posted July 13, 2010 Posted July 13, 2010 I think Ronni's advice is great. While your busy focussing on yourself and not doing the very thing he'll think you will do (call him all the time and try to see him) he will probably wonder...what's up and miss you. It's possible he won't. It's possible he'll be happy you've given him space....but you'll never really know until you withdraw yourself from the situation to work on making yourself a better person...they type of person he wants to be in love with. You never know, by that time, you may be the one over him.
Author Bbsteps Posted July 28, 2010 Author Posted July 28, 2010 UPDATE: We are fine in an emotional level, I know he still likes me because he told me he does, but he is still considering if he wants to get back with me... We still hug and kiss and stuff... On another note... He may be leaving my country for good in a month or so to go back to his home country with his family and start a career there because his employment right now isn't getting him anywhere... I told him to at least try it out here first because he just started his job, and if it all fails he can always go back as a backup plan. He said "What if I've already decided?" I asked him how high is the chance of leaving and he told me 80% chance... I told him I'd go with him if he allow me to and he told me it's my choice, but I don't know anyone there. I told him I have family there too so don't worry about me, it's just a matter of if you want me with you or not. He said let him think about it... I'm really scared he'll leave me for good and start a new life without me... Last night i was hugging him in his bed and I asked him what future do you see? He said he doesn't know... I said for mine I see you in it with me. I asked if I was pushing him, and he said Yes... I also told him even if I go to our home country I wouldn't give up my future and education for him... So I don't know what to do anymore...
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