wx3 Posted July 12, 2010 Posted July 12, 2010 Hi all, I'll start by saying I joined this site several years ago to seek advise on a situation and definitely gained peace of mind from the LS community. Looking back at the predicament I let myself into now makes me laugh, as I have become a more mature and level headed person - especially in regard to relationships. I'm now a 21 year old (male) college student and currently in the beginning phases of a relationship. I'm basically looking for opinions as to how I should progress, because we are by no means close to being serious. For starters, I have known this girl several years but we have never been close friends due to different high schools and for the past three years, different colleges. We ran into each other this summer while off from school (our parents live 30 minutes apart), and this turned into regular conversations and finally a date. From what I know about the girl, she's gorgeous and smart, so surface level attraction is there. My intuition is even telling me she's "special" or "different" and worth persuing, so that's just another factor I'm dealing with. Anyways, to get to the point, we do have very little time for each other at the moment. Both of us have jobs and weekend commitments until it's time to leave for our senior years of college at our respective campsuses - 7 hours apart (Texas A&M and Texas Tech if you want specifics). I will be able to see her during the semester, but only on weekends for football games, etc. The only date we went on was great. Definite chemistry both intellectually and physically. My only gripe is that I don't see any opportunities for future dates to occur any time soon as we both will be out of town and what not on opposing weekends, preventing any progression in the relationship. I've talked to her a little almost every day during the summer and we are both frustrated by the lack of opportunity to spend time together. I do sense an incredible amount of potential for the relationship to progress further if just given the chance, but for the time being it just doesn't seem likely. I guess it may be silly to say, but she definitely makes me feel different than most girls. I haven't had felt this so called spark in previous relationships, and that feeling is what lead me to the forums again. Today I brought up how I was feeling about this situation (perhaps I shouldn't have, but oh well). I basically said "If you feel like this timing for this is just off and would rather not deal with it right now, then I completely understand". I told her this because constantly shooting down her availability with personal commitments (and vice versa) has taken a tole on my mental state. I just feel SO frustrated this isn't playing out naturally. I guess I wanted to kinda test how she was feeling by saying what I said, giving her an option for a clean break, no hard feelings. She actually responded that she "just wants to play it by ear", which is easier said than done (at least for my over-analyzing self ). I suppose her answer was a good thing for me since she didn't take the bait and run, but at the same time, I guess I was looking for something more definitive. Is it possible to build a long distance relationship during our college semesters without laying the foundation of a relationship this summer? I wouldn't even call her my girlfriend quite yet, let alone expect her to remain exclusive while away at college... so how can you build anything with so little to work with (beyond texts, phone calls, and a date or two)? Or should I really just "play it by ear" and see what happens? It's frustrating to be very interested in building a relationship with a person (and have the feeling reciprocated) only to have the opportunity be practically non-existant. I guess my biggest reason in seeking advice is that I don't want to rely on blind luck for this relationship to have a chance at working out if there's something else I could be doing. Or better yet, maybe there is something I could say to her? I don't want to freak her out by talking about a LDR prematurely, but I can't deny the fact she has forced her way into my regular thoughts and I could see myself making an LDR work with her. ...or maybe I'm naive and I'm wasting my time? Regardless of what you think, I'd love to hear your opinions! Just remember that we are in the very beginning stages, so some of the serious topics (such as having a LDR with her) would be difficult or very random to bring up out of no where. In all honesty, I'd rather date her and have a horrible breakup than be stuck in this catch-22 where I want her but cannot have her and will simply remain distant friends with her. Is there really such thing as right person, bad timing?
robdrm32 Posted July 12, 2010 Posted July 12, 2010 Sounds like a case of bad timing. Not sure what she meant by "playing it by ear" thats a pretty vague statement. Perhaps she doesn't want to be the one making that decision? Maybe its best to just hold off because if its too early for a LDR, that doesn't really leave you any other option unfortunately.
Author wx3 Posted July 12, 2010 Author Posted July 12, 2010 (edited) As far as her "playing it by ear" comment goes, I wasn't really sure what that meant either, haha. To elaborate more on what caused her to say that, I basically made it clear to her that I didn't think we'd be able to see each other much (if at all) before leaving for separate cities (College Station/Lubbock). I guess 'playing it by ear' could mean she wants to see if time opens up to spend together in the meantime, or it could be a "I don't feel like talking about this". I do agree my best option could potentially be to hold off on everything and somewhat keep her in the back of my mind while still moving on to other girls that would be less complicated to develop a relationship with. I guess you can't ever be certain with relationships. bahhhhh. Has anyone ever experienced something like this or have an opinion as to what they'd do in my shoes?? I suppose I'm looking for a path to head on, not looking for everything to be settled tomorrow. Very interested to see what everyone thinks! Edited July 12, 2010 by wx3 Added an extra thought
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