Blue6 Posted July 12, 2010 Posted July 12, 2010 I ran into the ex's best friend at a party over the weekend. I hadn't seen her since new years where I made a drunken mockery of myself in front of her and my ex. At first I felt apprehensive about saying anything to her, I think was still somewhat embarrassed about how I acted that night. So I played it cool. Halfway through the evening she comes up to me and give me a big hug and we chatted. To be honest I was really relived and immediately felt better. We were friends before my ex and I were together so it was nice to catch up with her. I tried my hardest not to ask about my ex but when she mentioned that she had visited her two weeks ago I couldn't fight the urge to say something. So I lightly neutrally asked how she was and she gave me a perfect answer. I left it at that because I didn't want to appear anymore desperate 9 months later. It still mind boggling how much my ex is on my mind all this time later. She ended things as the result of long distance and what seemed to be her intellectual awakening in grad school where she then told me that my lack of education and passion for something was the reason we could no longer be together. Also she felt compelled to tell me that I had no drive and I didn't reach for anything and the year we spent together was her wanting to try something different. That said, those things are not true, I just haven't found my passion yet and was working at the time, I am not some kind of bum. I have been fighting a losing battle with myself because of her final words to me acted as a cow brander with the words "f***ing loser" in her mind and then she burned me with them. We were together for a year, lived together for 8 months, were close with each other families and were genuinely in love with each other. Her biggest issue with me was that I was sure about a career/passion. I helped her out financially and for the first time in my life, was in love like I never had been before, unconditionally and truly. On top of that I had great respect for her as a person. Relationships come and go, I understand that, but she was only going to be gone for a year or less after a one year masters program and she just gave up like that. I still feel like the bad guy for some reason and I don't know why. It's like, if I had my **** more together and a job I loved maybe she wouldn't have dumped me. This is torture to think this way but I can't shake the feeling. Did I not fight for us enough, I just don't know how to put it all to bed so I can move on with my life, we were great together and thats all I can think about. I didn't beg or pled with her in the end, I seamlessly let it go because thats what she wanted, a break. I just feel more lost then anything because with 9 months later i've lost a lot of my immediate feelings, but now it just feels like a serious void. HELP!!!
LoveLace Posted July 13, 2010 Posted July 13, 2010 I think maybe she just eventually felt like she didn't have as much in common with you as she would have liked; recognized your lives as being in 2 different places...it's hard to feel that you can grow with someone who's life is in a different place. I'm just saying, try to see it this way as opposed to being called a "loser". That's a harsh word and likely not really what you are, from the way you describe yourself. But her perspective is what it is. She also may have felt that you are just not very happy with your life where it is, and this easily makes a partner unhappy...with you. This is a great time to start taking steps to get yourself in a place where you feel happier with your life...find a job you might like a little better, take up productive projects, etc, whatever you do, moving forward is going to pay off alot more for you than wondering, whata shoulda coulda? Because she is certainly not wondering that. Get yourself in a place where you are no longer doing that either...and something new and awesome will land in your lap before you know it.
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