kc1610 Posted July 12, 2010 Posted July 12, 2010 My husband and I have been married for 2 years and have a baby together who is 9 months old. I don't feel sexually attracted to my husband anymore. The feeling is frustrating because I want too but I just don't feel like having sex with him. I honestly do not know the real reason. I don't know if it's because I'm not attracted to him anymore or if it's because I feel like all my time has to go to my child or because I'm tired of the way my life is right now. I sit home all day, (he takes the car) and take care of our daughter, clean and do courses from an online university. This is my life 5 days a week and even weekends aren't that exciting. Anyway, I don't know what to do about it. He's in the military so we have to live here until duty calls us elsewhere but I'm not sure how much longer I can handle it. Any advice would be helpful. Thank you!
vestigalvirgin Posted July 12, 2010 Posted July 12, 2010 I don't feel sexually attracted to my husband anymore. Fair enough. Who are you sexually attracted to right now?
blossom0123 Posted July 12, 2010 Posted July 12, 2010 I've heard this happening to others after child birth - could you be having a mild version of post natal depression or something? Sounds like there are several factors here (spending too much time alone [i.e. not with other adults], being posted away from family and friends, the life change of having a baby, etc.), and that the lack of sexual interest is a symptom of something else. Are there other military wives around you could meet up with and do something? Any other ways of getting out of the house with your baby? Perhaps if you feel happier about your general situation, the way you feel about this would also change.
sally4sara Posted July 12, 2010 Posted July 12, 2010 I've heard this happening to others after child birth - could you be having a mild version of post natal depression or something? Sounds like there are several factors here (spending too much time alone [i.e. not with other adults], being posted away from family and friends, the life change of having a baby, etc.), and that the lack of sexual interest is a symptom of something else. Are there other military wives around you could meet up with and do something? Any other ways of getting out of the house with your baby? Perhaps if you feel happier about your general situation, the way you feel about this would also change. Another aspect to this that often goes ignored is being pregnant and giving birth can change your body and your opinion of how attractive you think you are. Not finding yourself attractive can make you not want to being physically intimate. Too often I think that translates to "I don't find THEM attractive anymore". Try to go out on a date at least twice a month. Get in clothes that make you feel attractive and go do something fun together. You're not just a chicken sitting on your nest so stop thinking of that as your only suitable role in life now.
xxoo Posted July 12, 2010 Posted July 12, 2010 Are you attracted to others? Or are you simply feeling asexual at this point? Are you breastfeeding? Has your menstrual cycle returned postpartum? Many women experience a general lack of interest in sex while parenting a young baby, especially if breastfeeding. Some of this seems natural, imo, as a way of spacing babies for the health of the species. It can also be REALLY difficult to turn off "mommy mode" and turn on "lover mode" when you are caring for a baby all day. Many women just feel "touched out" at the end of the day. It helped me when my H and I learned that I needed some time between getting the baby down and accepting touch from H. 30 min to an hour to myself would help me separate the two, and be ready to accept and enjoy touch from my partner.
ladydesigner Posted July 12, 2010 Posted July 12, 2010 I too felt this way after my firstborn. Not sure why either. I believe it led to my H's first A though. I am just now getting sexual attraction back for my H 2 kids later and 2 A's for both of us. Please don't follow suit. I would talk to your doctor, friends, therapist, your husband. Make sure you keep a close emotional connection and open communication with your H on this matter. I hope things start to get better for you!
spriggig Posted July 13, 2010 Posted July 13, 2010 ... It helped me when my H and I learned that I needed some time between getting the baby down and accepting touch from H. 30 min to an hour to myself would help me separate the two, and be ready to accept and enjoy touch from my partner. Wow! Really wish I knew this 11 years ago. Cest' la vie.
giotto Posted July 13, 2010 Posted July 13, 2010 It can also be REALLY difficult to turn off "mommy mode" and turn on "lover mode" when you are caring for a baby all day. Many women just feel "touched out" at the end of the day. It helped me when my H and I learned that I needed some time between getting the baby down and accepting touch from H. 30 min to an hour to myself would help me separate the two, and be ready to accept and enjoy touch from my partner. yep, we had that... xxoo is spot on, as usual...
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