soleharmony1123 Posted July 12, 2010 Posted July 12, 2010 Last Thursday, my ex called. We had an enjoyable conversation. He sounded like his old self - the man I knew before. We laughed about some of the hilarious things we did when we were teenagers, including him claiming I always beat him up. He asked me what's going on in my life. I told him I've been rather busy and that I would be downtown (near his place of employment) for an interview on Tuesday (tomorrow). He asked where my interview was and what time I had to be there. He asked me if I'd be available later that afternoon to meet him for lunch. I hesitated (deliberately) then agreed. He said he was relieved he didn't have to take no for an answer. Then he apologized for not having a straight conversation with me for such a long time. He said "I know I've been calling with not much to say, but I wasn't comfortable with saying what was on my mind. It really feels good talking to you now and I hope you get the job downtown because then I can start taking you out to dinner and we can go to the movies sometime." I was shocked that he finally got to the point of asking to see me. He called and was basically right to the point of asking me what's going on in my life - he flirted a bit. He asked me about the kids. Joked about my youngest daughter and how she is so guarded (like me) and asked if she'd beaten any one up lately lol! On a more serious note, he shared that he went home to visit his family down south for the 4th of July. He told me his daughter asked him when he had talked to me. He told her he talks to me all the time. I said "we don't talk all the time, so why did you tell her that?" He said "because I do call, but you have me on call restrictions, and she was just trying to get in my business." He talked some more - we talked for about 45 minutes - I noticed how he lingered on the phone which was a good sign. He didn't want to hang up but he was still at work (around 8:45pm) and there was a machine he needed to use that made it very difficult to hear - he was trying to use that thing and still talk to me via his bluetooth. I was laughing inside because I finally had to tell him "we'll get to talk more when I see you on Tuesday." He joked "make sure your calendar is cleared for me on Tuesday." I said I would and as I said "bye" he said "I love you." I said "okay, see you next week." Tomorrow, if I haven't heard from him confirming our lunch date, I'm not sure I’ll meet with him. I think I'm ready, but I have to be sure he's really wanting to see me for the right reasons. So much is going on in my life right now. I'm not back on track with employment yet. I have a job interview tomorrow. Meanwhile, back to the job search....
lunita Posted July 12, 2010 Posted July 12, 2010 Hey that sounds like great news and I hope he calls. It sounds like he will. How long has it been since you broke up? I've been patient and done the the NC thing with my ex. We are talking again and have seen eachother and while things are great, he hasn't gotten the courage yet to talk about "us". So I'm curious as to how long it took him before he felt like he was in touch with his feelings and could discuss them with you? Congrats and good luck!!!
Author soleharmony1123 Posted July 12, 2010 Author Posted July 12, 2010 (edited) Lunita, We broke up January 26, 2010, but he's continued to call throughout the breakup. Called the morning after the breakup in the same way he's called me for the past 3 years of our relationship. I've gone NC, and then ENC. They've both been successful. Most importantly, in the meantime, I've been working toward a better me - physically & emotionally. I still love him but I plan to keep him at a safe distance. Me personally, I wouldn't agree to see my ex unless he made it clear that he's missing me and wants to talk about us. Maybe it's time for you to pull back a bit. Start declining those invites to hang out. Make him worry a little. When my ex would call me, I was friendly during our conversation but I wouldn't contribute much to the conversation. I let him speak, and when I felt he'd given me enough clues into what was on his mind or where he was heading, I'd end the conversation. Why was I abrupt? Because he wasn't giving any indication that he was sorry about the breakup nor that he missed me. I pushed myself to never let him talk more than about 15 minutes, and on a bad day (an emotional day for me), barely 6 minutes. lol! He'd call me often asking for my opinion on something related to his job, or whether he should continue to look for a 2nd job and other personal decisions. I wouldn't give any input. I simply let him know it's his decision to make and I would not give any advice. Oddly enough, I felt very uncomfortable treating him in that manner, because my controlling gene (codependency) has always dictated that I should tell him what to do (we've been doing this song and dance subconsciously since we were both teens). I guess it's not all codependent behavior because he has always respected my opinion in the same way that I've always respected his. It remains to be seen whether (in person) the conversation will continue to be about us and about him being sorry for abruptly ending the relationshp. Right now, I'm mentally engraving in my subconscious that I can only spare him 30 minutes of my time tomorrow...45 minutes if he's really really sorry about the breakup. But no more than that. Edited July 12, 2010 by soleharmony1123
lunita Posted July 12, 2010 Posted July 12, 2010 I've actually already done the no contact because he was not sharing his feelings with me. When he did contact me again, he finally did say he missed me and that this has not been easy and that things were not suppose to be this way. So he did touch on it but not more than that. I don't want to push or get all emotional about it so I've kept my distance in that aspect but he he has been reaching out to me more which is exactly what I want. I just want to get to the point where he just says, lets do this again, I want us to be together. I think he will. We are behaving more than just friends (no sex...that's out of the question until things are defined) and I do have faith. But I also know from my past relationships that sometimes people take longer to sort things out in their head than others. I would like him to step up and talk about us and if he doesn't then I will start to remove myself from the situation and go NC. Good luck with your interview. I meant to tell you when I posted but forgot. Please update me on both....the interview and the get together.
Author soleharmony1123 Posted July 13, 2010 Author Posted July 13, 2010 I've actually already done the no contact because he was not sharing his feelings with me. When he did contact me again, he finally did say he missed me and that this has not been easy and that things were not suppose to be this way. So he did touch on it but not more than that. I don't want to push or get all emotional about it so I've kept my distance in that aspect but he he has been reaching out to me more which is exactly what I want. I just want to get to the point where he just says, lets do this again, I want us to be together. I think he will. We are behaving more than just friends (no sex...that's out of the question until things are defined) and I do have faith. But I also know from my past relationships that sometimes people take longer to sort things out in their head than others. I would like him to step up and talk about us and if he doesn't then I will start to remove myself from the situation and go NC. Good luck with your interview. I meant to tell you when I posted but forgot. Please update me on both....the interview and the get together. Thanks for the well-wishes, Lunita. I'll let you know how it goes.
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