tjb023 Posted July 12, 2010 Posted July 12, 2010 She and I left for St. Louis two weeks ago to see my grandparents for the weekend. We got back on Sunday night and she wanted to end things Monday night, less than 24 hours later. There was a trust issue. About two years ago, a girl kissed me in China and I told her when I got back. She forgave me and we moved forward. Since I’m on her family’s cell phone plan, she can check who I text or call. She set up an account so she could log in and check who I was calling/texting. She saw how many texts I was sending and to numbers she didn’t recognize. She called some of the numbers to see who they were. Honestly, these individuals were only friends but sometimes I have trouble drawing that line. I am a flirtatious person, and she knows that, and I never acted out on anything I texted, I was just having fun. She thought I had emotional relationships with these girls. My life revolves around her, I moved to her hometown and took my first job because of her. Anyway, she flipped out about the texts and wanted to break about a month ago. So we were apart for about 4 hours, and then she called and said she made a rash decision and we got back together the same day. Also, at one point, she told me she wished she had someone to compare me to and that she didn’t want to feel like she was settling. So I said why don’t we take the summer and work on things? If by the end of August, things aren’t good, we can take a month off so you can find somebody to compare me to and so you don't feel like you're settling. At first, she liked the idea and agreed with it. Little did I know, this was a big issue. She thought I wanted the break to go mess around with people. Apparently, she was waiting for me to take the break back. I never did. I couldn’t get over the fact that she said she didn’t want to settle with me. And as most couples do, we bickered and fought about little, stupid things from time to time. I learned after the first time not to screw around with anybody. I know I tend to lead people on and taking things too far, but I’ve never acted upon it. The trust thing is the theme. I had created a Facebook account about a month ago to test it out, start keeping in touch with my family. She didn’t like it, since Facebook has caused issues before. About a week ago, I decided I didn’t like it and got rid of it. She decided she wanted a Facebook. I gave her crap about it because I didn’t think it was a good idea. She got mad at me b/c I deactivated my account right before she got her account. She thought it was shady. I also didn't want to be 'in a relationship' with her on Facebook, I just don't think that type of thing needs to be advertised. Long story short, she is now posted SINGLE on her facebook. I am convinced after three years of dating with some bad memories, but a lot of good ones too, that she is over me. She hasn’t called/texted in two weeks now.
GrayClouds Posted July 12, 2010 Posted July 12, 2010 (edited) Time to move on. More importantly it is time to some hard work on yourself. About two years ago, a girl kissed me in China and I told her when I got back. She forgave me and we moved forward. She forgave you but you did not learn your lesson, did you? Honestly, these individuals were only friends but sometimes I have trouble drawing that line. I am a flirtatious person, and she knows that, and I never acted out on anything I texted, I was just having fun. You still having a hard time drawing lines. Being flirtatious while being in a relationship is selfish and disrespectful to your girlfriend. It is building your ego while ignoring your GF self-esteem. You already went from word to acts once why should she believe you would not do it again. Your fun is hurtful to your girlfriend, your fun was at her expense, do you not see that? Flirting is single person behavior, you wanted your cake and to eat it too. She thought I had emotional relationships with these girls. And yes she is right you were having a Emotional Affair with these other girls. My life revolves around her No your life revolves around your own wants, otherwise you would be more sensitive to your GF feelings and needs. I couldn’t get over the fact that she said she didn’t want to settle with me. So instead of working hard to prove that you was a man worth of her you pushed her away, again that is Ego talking. The trust thing is the theme. Are you starting to see why? She got mad at me b/c I deactivated my account right before she got her account. She thought it was shady. It was specially in context of your past behavior I also didn't want to be 'in a relationship' with her on Facebook, I just don't think that type of thing needs to be advertised. Do you see how insulting this is, you have no problems flirting with "friends" but you do not want to acknowledge yur affection for your GF? Do you think that this girl deserves someone who loves her deeply and profoundly, that would work their butt off making sure they did not do anything to hurt her, who would go out of there way to tell the world how much they care for her, to put her needs ahead of their wants, some you goes out of their way to show her how much they value her and work everyday to prove it? Looking back, was you this guy? Sorry about your loss, I know it hurts. Though it is telling you it is time to work on being this guy, figuring out why it was so difficult for you not to with this girl, and learn how to be for the next one. Most of us guys make this mistake, the smart one's work very hard not to do it again. Good Luck. Edited July 12, 2010 by GrayClouds
Author tjb023 Posted July 12, 2010 Author Posted July 12, 2010 I kissed one girl, one time and confessed what I did and she was nice enough to forgive me. When she initially broke up with me earlier in May, she called back saying she made a rash decision and that it was silly to break up over something like texting after 3 years together. From that point on, I didn't text a single person. I didn't text another person until she broke up with me the day after I took her on a nice trip to St. Louis. I think it's normal to have other friends, especially since my life was all about my GF. I am a guy who tends to have more friends that are girls than guys, that's the way I've always been. They're just friends and we like to joke around. I don't know if it's necessarily wrong to keep in touch with friends. Granted, some of the things I said I shouldn't have, but they and I both knew nothing would happen. And I would re-assure my GF of this all the time. I don't know, her saying she didn't want to settle with me should've been all I needed to leave her. The fact that she would constantly check up on me wasn't healthy either. I did work hard to make it work, I cut off quite a few friends off. I don't think I needed an ego booster, I thought my GF was the most beautiful out there. In fact, when we first started dating, I thought, 'what am I doing with this girl?' how did this happen? i just am looking for some advice. She promised me her life and her love, and she took it all back in an instance. I love her more than anything and everybody knows that.
GrayClouds Posted July 12, 2010 Posted July 12, 2010 It has been building over time, it feels and seems like a instant to you be for her she been thinking about it for a long time. Your trying to make sense of it, find a way to change what happen and change. That is understandable, your hurting and that is how we all behave after a break-up. As much as you want to hold on to her right now, and as strong as my earlier comments are, I suggest you really try to look at this from a different perspective. Right now there is now good advice to help you with that other then focusing on yourself, making yourself better, learning your mistake from this relationship, and working on ways to make sure you do not repeat them. As much as you care for this girl, even in your own words you wrote here suggest you was not a very good boyfriend in many ways. It is hard to hear that. But this is not about feeling guilty about your mistakes, it is about using this pain from the break -up to become a better you. Read the follow, do as it says, it will help: So you want a second chance? Good luck.
rocket182 Posted July 12, 2010 Posted July 12, 2010 Time to move on. More importantly it is time to some hard work on yourself. She forgave you but you did not learn your lesson, did you? . You still having a hard time drawing lines. Being flirtatious while being in a relationship is selfish and disrespectful to your girlfriend. It is building your ego while ignoring your GF self-esteem. You already went from word to acts once why should she believe you would not do it again. Your fun is hurtful to your girlfriend, your fun was at her expense, do you not see that? Flirting is single person behavior, you wanted your cake and to eat it too. And yes she is right you were having a Emotional Affair with these other girls. No your life revolves around your own wants, otherwise you would be more sensitive to your GF feelings and needs. So instead of working hard to prove that you was a man worth of her you pushed her away, again that is Ego talking. Are you starting to see why? It was specially in context of your past behavior Do you see how insulting this is, you have no problems flirting with "friends" but you do not want to acknowledge yur affection for your GF? Do you think that this girl deserves someone who loves her deeply and profoundly, that would work their butt off making sure they did not do anything to hurt her, who would go out of there way to tell the world how much they care for her, to put her needs ahead of their wants, some you goes out of their way to show her how much they value her and work everyday to prove it? Looking back, was you this guy? Sorry about your loss, I know it hurts. Though it is telling you it is time to work on being this guy, figuring out why it was so difficult for you not to with this girl, and learn how to be for the next one. Most of us guys make this mistake, the smart one's work very hard not to do it again. Good Luck. This is pretty much exactly what my thoughts were when reading this.
Recommended Posts