Ilovecake Posted July 12, 2010 Posted July 12, 2010 Please forgive my ignorance but I'm completely new to any sort of online dating or courting. I've tried a dating site and spoke with some nice guys but the problem always seemed to be that I would ask all the questions and they never asked me a thing about myself so the conversations fizzled out pretty quickly because I would run out of things to ask. I guess I expect to have the same type of conversation online as I do in real life but it seems to be harder to make it reciprocal. I’m talking to somebody now that I’ve spoken to casually on a message board for a few years but now we’ve taken it to private messaging. He’s seen pictures of me but I have no idea what he looks like. He’s told me his name but never asked me my real name. He’s kind of mysterious but really witty and smart. We’ve done a whole lot of joking and making small innuendos but I want to know more about him as a person. When is a good time to ask to see a picture of him? What sort of things do I talk to him about? Again he’s not asking many questions but is telling me little things about his day to day life. Any online courting suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
brokendream Posted July 12, 2010 Posted July 12, 2010 Ask for a picture right away...there's no point in continuing conversation with someone and then discovering you are totally unattracted to them. I used to do online dating years ago and always found if I delayed in asking for a picture I would be disappointed because I spent so long talking to them. You are either attracted to someone or you're not. Best to know early on if you would like to find out more about them. It's also a lot easier to chat to someone online because you have the chance to respond, think of something witty to say etc so if they aren't chatty online then there's no hope in person.
TouchedByViolet Posted July 12, 2010 Posted July 12, 2010 Ask for a picture right away...there's no point in continuing conversation with someone and then discovering you are totally unattracted to them. I used to do online dating years ago and always found if I delayed in asking for a picture I would be disappointed because I spent so long talking to them. You are either attracted to someone or you're not. Best to know early on if you would like to find out more about them. I competely agree with this. Ask for a picture today. As far as chatting goes, just do enough of it to decide whether you are interested or not in the person. About a week of time should be enough. Then you can go on a date and see if their is chemistry in person.
Serenitynow Posted July 12, 2010 Posted July 12, 2010 Its easy to feel a connection when chatting online. In person you get to see their mannerisms, personality traits, how they interact with others, etc. You have to meet in person, getting to know someone online teaches you nothing. .
Author Ilovecake Posted July 12, 2010 Author Posted July 12, 2010 Its easy to feel a connection when chatting online. In person you get to see their mannerisms, personality traits, how they interact with others, etc. You have to meet in person, getting to know someone online teaches you nothing. . This is very true. The probelem is the person I'm talking to right now lives a 4 hour drive away from me, meeting would be a pretty big deal as one of us would have to cross the state line. I feel like I need to know him a little more before before bringing that up. Thanks for the tips so far.
Author Ilovecake Posted July 12, 2010 Author Posted July 12, 2010 Yup that's why it's a bit weird for me. Like I said we've been casually chatting for 5 years and I'm getting really curious as to whom this person is but meeting him would be a big deal because of the distance. I'm not talking to him on a dating website just a social forum, much like this one on LS. I'm not looking for a boyfriend situation, just really curious about someone who’s been friendly and nice to me. It would be different if he lived in the same city, then we could just run into each other at a club or bar but this is an odd situation.
brokendream Posted July 12, 2010 Posted July 12, 2010 Are you just looking to be friends or something more than that? If it's just friends then his picture is not the important but if you have been chatting for 5 years and you are thinking you may be romantically interested then I think you're entitled to know what he looks like. Have you ever asked for a pic before?
SpanksTheMonkey Posted July 12, 2010 Posted July 12, 2010 Yup that's why it's a bit weird for me. Like I said we've been casually chatting for 5 years and I'm getting really curious as to whom this person is but meeting him would be a big deal because of the distance. I'm not talking to him on a dating website just a social forum, much like this one on LS. I'm not looking for a boyfriend situation, just really curious about someone who’s been friendly and nice to me. It would be different if he lived in the same city, then we could just run into each other at a club or bar but this is an odd situation. You have talked to the same persn for 5 years and still need to know more about them? Im guessing its quite a casual on line friend? the kind you see on msn like once every other week or so? if your that interested ide think a 4 hour drive after knowing them 5 years isent to much of a stretch
Author Ilovecake Posted July 12, 2010 Author Posted July 12, 2010 (edited) Are you just looking to be friends or something more than that? If it's just friends then his picture is not the important but if you have been chatting for 5 years and you are thinking you may be romantically interested then I think you're entitled to know what he looks like. Have you ever asked for a pic before? No, I haven't really had a reason to ask him for a picture. This guy and I have been talking on a music forum, just like LS but music related not relationship related. Causally talking the way you and me are right now. We’ve flirted, but it’s all been pretty innocent. About a month a go he started sending me more private messages. So for a month almost every day I've spoken to him privately. I think he's really funny and smart and would be fun to hang out with. I don't feel I know him enough to say whether I would be interested romantically or not but I don't see why not. The looks aren't that important, well unless he's the elephant man, that might take some getting used to. I would however like to know what he looks like. I’m starting to get a little giddy when I see a private message indicator and I’m catching myself waiting for his replies. I just really enjoy talking to him but I don't want to get too pushy and frighten him off. Edited July 12, 2010 by Ilovecake
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