Serenitynow Posted July 12, 2010 Posted July 12, 2010 What are some of the things women do to drop hints that they want a guy to ask them out ? Do you discuss with your female friends what works and what doesnt ? Do you get frustrated , when hints dont work, and you wonder what in the world you need to do to get this guy to realize you like him ? I think when a female is dropping hints, she feels like she is being very obvious, because of her nervousness of going out on a limb (which most women dont like to do) But in reality the hints are very subtle and barely noticable to the guy. .
sultry33 Posted July 12, 2010 Posted July 12, 2010 Exactly, men do not get hints;) I am just more direct find that works, if its rejected well there loss eh
norajane Posted July 12, 2010 Posted July 12, 2010 I think when a female is dropping hints, she feels like she is being very obvious, because of her nervousness of going out on a limb (which most women dont like to do) But in reality the hints are very subtle and barely noticable to the guy. It's not nervousness about going out on a limb. It's that it usually is pointless to ask out a guy. Because if he's at all interested, he will ask. If he's not asking, he's not interested or is dating someone else. I talked about how women pursue men in this thread: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=226115 Women pursue men all the time, and they put a lot of effort into it. However, they generally do not pursue using the same tactics that men use, and they generally select their targets a bit differently than men do. I'm simplifying here, but it's to make the point I'm trying to get across: Example of a man pursuing a woman: - Meets a woman he finds attractive, whether at a party, at work, a bar, etc. - Chats her up - Asks her out on a date Example of a woman pursuing a man: - Meets a man she finds attractive, but generally not at a bar because he is then a stranger and she won't typically pursue a stranger, AND the guy will make a move if he's interested long before she can apply many tactics to pursue him aside from flirting at the time of the meeting - Chats him up to find out if he's single and to learn more about his personality, sense of humor, etc., to figure out if he's someone she wants to get to know better - Asks around her friends/co-workers to find out more about who he is, what kind of guy he is, what kinds of things he likes to do, who he hangs out with, how long he's been single, is he looking for a relationship or just hook-ups at this time...all with the goal of understanding her target better and knowing how to attract him and where to find him so she can pursue him - Steps up her attractiveness quotient so that every time she knows she will see him, she is looking her best. Extra care is given to hair, make-up, clothes, wearing heels that make her legs look awesome, scent. - Flirts using a lot of eye contact, smiling, maybe small touches - Goes out of her way to compliment him and let him know she admires him and enjoys seeing him and talking with him - Invites him to join group events - happy hour, a group of mutual friends going out to dinner, concert, party, etc. By this time, the guy should have noticed her, and would have asked her out if he actually is interested in her. If not, she probably now knows him well enough to pick an activity she knows he would like and throws out a suggestion as a cue for him to ask her out so they can be alone together. - Hey, I noticed that Obscure Band #413 is playing at this club in my neighborhood next weekend. - I've really been wanting to try that new seafood place... - I've always wanted to try using weights at the gym, but the equipment is so intimidating... If the guy doesn't pick up on the cues and ask her out, this is when an assertive woman might actually ask him out on a date. But, face it, if he's not responding to her pursuit, even if he says yes to the date, it's not likely to work out between them. Because if the guy was interested in her, he'd have picked up the ball at some point and run with it. So, there's really no point in her asking him out on a date. So, Gunny, women do a LOT of things to initiate contact and make sure he knows she's into him. And St. Nick, women put a LOT of effort into snagging a man they're attracted to and don't just wait around. But there is a big difference in how men pursue, and how women pursue. It's not that women are afraid of rejection - their tactics certainly do not work all the time and they do feel rejected or frustrated when their target isn't interested. They've just learned that they are more likely to succeed in getting their man if they employ these tactics, if he hasn't asked her out right away. If he doesn't ask her out right away, then her asking him out isn't going to make him any more interested. But her tactics might.
gamma1 Posted July 12, 2010 Posted July 12, 2010 It's not nervousness about going out on a limb. It's that it usually is pointless to ask out a guy. Because if he's at all interested, he will ask. If he's not asking, he's not interested or is dating someone else. I talked about how women pursue men in this thread: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=226115 Many if not most men will miss the earlier hints. However, if it gets down to "I've been really wanting to try this new restaurant" or something like that, I'd get it and so will most men. I have to wonder if most women stop at the earlier, more subtle hints.
Bangle Posted July 12, 2010 Posted July 12, 2010 I have to wonder if most women stop at the earlier, more subtle hints. Yes this is probably true.
phineas Posted July 12, 2010 Posted July 12, 2010 Normally a woman just needs to look at me for more than a few seconds & hold my gaze & i'll go up & talk to them. but, everything gets confusing when the woman is in the "just friends" category. There is a woman i've been friends with for almost a yr. I met her a few months after I caught my wife cheating & told her I was getting a divorce & just needed a friend. She stuck around & has become a very good friend. She is very attractive but i've been treating her like a friends wife. Fully platonic. Not really complimenting her on her appearance like a man does with a woman he's dateing. I signed papers 3 weeks ago. I just realized this female friend has been dropping hints since I sighned papers. Asking me about relationships & what I want in a partner, asking why I havn't started dateing, ect. Dressing in tight shorts & shirts then excusing her appearance because she just dug out some old clothes to see if they still fit. (by the way, she is smoking hot) It didn't register because I honestly didn't think she was interested in me & i'm the kind of person that looses interest in someone who doesn't return it & she didn't. I realize now she wanted to know if I thought she looked good. I know this now because she told me last night she was getting her hair done again & I had better compliment this time or she'll flash me because apparantly that's the only way a woman can get my attention these days. (we went to a free concert a few weeks ago & a chick flashed the band & I nearly gave myself whip-lash turning my head to get a look according to her) So, I think the best course of action to show her i'm interested is to NOT compliment her. or ask her out. But, I can do that after she flashes me, right?
norajane Posted July 12, 2010 Posted July 12, 2010 Many if not most men will miss the earlier hints. However, if it gets down to "I've been really wanting to try this new restaurant" or something like that, I'd get it and so will most men. I have to wonder if most women stop at the earlier, more subtle hints. If he's missing these cues, he's not paying close enough attention: Flirts using a lot of eye contact, smiling, maybe small touches - Goes out of her way to compliment him and let him know she admires him and enjoys seeing him and talking with him - Invites him to join group events - happy hour, a group of mutual friends going out to dinner, concert, party, etc. By this time, the guy should have noticed her, and would have asked her out if he actually is interested in her
Author Serenitynow Posted July 12, 2010 Author Posted July 12, 2010 (edited) Because if he's at all interested, he will ask. If he's not asking, he's not interested or is dating someone else. Thats gotta be the most bull-headed logic I've ever heard. I think your logic is just a way to stay safe in your shell, and make the male stick his neck out while you stay safe from rejection. There is nothing wrong with a woman approaching a guy. She just needs to keep her eyes open for warning signs, the same as she would if HE approached her. Its no different. And I will never agree with women using HINTS. Using hints is still a form of game playing. Women talk with their friends and such about how they should get the guys attention, they strategize over it. . Edited July 12, 2010 by Serenitynow
brokendream Posted July 12, 2010 Posted July 12, 2010 Normally a woman just needs to look at me for more than a few seconds & hold my gaze & i'll go up & talk to them. but, everything gets confusing when the woman is in the "just friends" category. There is a woman i've been friends with for almost a yr. I met her a few months after I caught my wife cheating & told her I was getting a divorce & just needed a friend. She stuck around & has become a very good friend. She is very attractive but i've been treating her like a friends wife. Fully platonic. Not really complimenting her on her appearance like a man does with a woman he's dateing. I signed papers 3 weeks ago. I just realized this female friend has been dropping hints since I sighned papers. Asking me about relationships & what I want in a partner, asking why I havn't started dateing, ect. Dressing in tight shorts & shirts then excusing her appearance because she just dug out some old clothes to see if they still fit. (by the way, she is smoking hot) It didn't register because I honestly didn't think she was interested in me & i'm the kind of person that looses interest in someone who doesn't return it & she didn't. I realize now she wanted to know if I thought she looked good. I know this now because she told me last night she was getting her hair done again & I had better compliment this time or she'll flash me because apparantly that's the only way a woman can get my attention these days. (we went to a free concert a few weeks ago & a chick flashed the band & I nearly gave myself whip-lash turning my head to get a look according to her) So, I think the best course of action to show her i'm interested is to NOT compliment her. or ask her out. But, I can do that after she flashes me, right? Wait for her to flash you first! Ha textbook example of what women do to hint at men to ask us out.
gamma1 Posted July 12, 2010 Posted July 12, 2010 (edited) If he's missing these cues, he's not paying close enough attention: Men usually don't communicate the same way women do. Not all men will get them. I'd have a decent chance on pick on on those, but not the ones before in your list. It depends on her tone and the frequency of her compliments. I might be wavering in my head whether she is being friendly or really does like me. Edited July 12, 2010 by gamma1
brokendream Posted July 12, 2010 Posted July 12, 2010 Men usually don't communicate the same way women do. Not all men will get them. I'd have a good chance on pick on on those, but not the ones before in your list. It depends on her tone and the frequency of her compliments. I've noticed in myself and parhaps a lot of my friends that we expect men to be mind readers and pick up on our oh-so-subtle hints. Would it not scare guys away if a woman is too forward and asks you out on a date straight away? I mean if you don't know her very well...it's a bit different if you are already good friends.
gamma1 Posted July 12, 2010 Posted July 12, 2010 And I will never agree with women using HINTS. Using hints is still a form of game playing. Women talk with their friends and such about how they should get the guys attention, they strategize over it. Using subtle hints is most definitely game playing. I don't mind when women use hints that are so obvious that virtually all men can pick on there. For example, if she says in a flirty way how she wants to try a new restaurant and she has no one to go with, I think most men if interested will ask her out.
gamma1 Posted July 12, 2010 Posted July 12, 2010 Would it not scare guys away if a woman is too forward and asks you out on a date straight away? I mean if you don't know her very well...it's a bit different if you are already good friends. Most men would like it. Men always have to do the asking and we don't mind a break from it once in awhile.
brokendream Posted July 12, 2010 Posted July 12, 2010 Maybe we use subtle hints because some women just aren't that forward...
gamma1 Posted July 12, 2010 Posted July 12, 2010 Maybe we use subtle hints because some women just aren't that forward... Subtle hints are useless to most men. We are wired differently. Men don't have the intuition of women. A great way to avoid asking a man out is to do everything up to asking him out. Flirt with him, tell him you enjoy his company and tell him there's some new restaurants you want to try. Keep going on and on with the less subtle hints and we'll get it eventually.
phineas Posted July 12, 2010 Posted July 12, 2010 Wait for her to flash you first! Ha textbook example of what women do to hint at men to ask us out. Wait?!?!? Oh, I plan on NOT complimenting her as soon as possible. LOL!
brokendream Posted July 12, 2010 Posted July 12, 2010 Yeah at least you'll get to see the goods first! I would find it very difficult to ask a man out but maybe that's because I'm quite shy in situations like that. I'd rather drop hints but I don't really see it as game playing. I'm not doing it to wind a man up.
phineas Posted July 12, 2010 Posted July 12, 2010 (edited) Yeah at least you'll get to see the goods first! I would find it very difficult to ask a man out but maybe that's because I'm quite shy in situations like that. I'd rather drop hints but I don't really see it as game playing. I'm not doing it to wind a man up. Well, when a woman brings her boobs into the conversation she either digs me or she's a huge tease. This woman has not been a tease at all since i've kown her & been a real good friend to me through my seperation. So I guess she got fed up with subtle not working. LOL! Edited July 12, 2010 by phineas
fishtaco Posted July 12, 2010 Posted July 12, 2010 Even when not considering users and women that have other motives, the problem is two fold. 1) Almost all men can't read hints. 2) Every woman's "hint" is different. Even if a man learns one woman's hints, it does not apply to another woman. I read a study where they have groups of observers watching speed dating events. For those that don't know, speed dating is you have a group of men and women, they take turns talking to each other, then they secretly mark down on a card who they deemed interesting and attractive. If both sides are interested, then the organizer would give out the contact info. For this study, the goal of the observers is to figure out who likes who, then check against the score cards to see if they guessed right. The male observers had high success rate guessing when a man is interested in a woman. Same with the female observers. I guess guys are pretty transparent when it comes to this sort of things. However, the male observers could not tell when a woman is interested in a man, basically equivalent to random guess statistically speaking. In addition, the female observers didn't do much better than the male observers. So even women can't tell when another woman is interested. My personal experience agrees with this, but I don't date men so I don't have a counter point for comparison. Throwing hints is basically acting in a manner that crosses the platonic threshold. But every woman has a different threshold. So one woman's hand shake could mean "more" than another woman hanging all over you and rubbing her boobs in your face. One of the common methods I employ is to watch how she behaves with other men. If she rubs her boobs in everyone's face, then chances are I'm not special, and I should go wash my face. But even then that's still a guess, although that would be a slightly better educated guess vs. a random guess. So if a woman wants a man, my advice is to make it painfully obvious (from the woman's perspective). Or better yet, ask him out.
norajane Posted July 12, 2010 Posted July 12, 2010 Thats gotta be the most bull-headed logic I've ever heard. I think your logic is just a way to stay safe in your shell, and make the male stick his neck out while you stay safe from rejection. There is nothing wrong with a woman approaching a guy. She just needs to keep her eyes open for warning signs, the same as she would if HE approached her. Its no different. And I will never agree with women using HINTS. Using hints is still a form of game playing. Women talk with their friends and such about how they should get the guys attention, they strategize over it. . You asked what does a woman do to drop hints to a man that she's interested. I told you. It's not my fault you don't like the answer and want her to rub her boobs in your face before you get the hint.
Gallaxia Posted July 12, 2010 Posted July 12, 2010 You asked what does a woman do to drop hints to a man that she's interested. I told you. It's not my fault you don't like the answer and want her to rub her boobs in your face before you get the hint. OMG I just got the most spectacular visual
phineas Posted July 12, 2010 Posted July 12, 2010 You asked what does a woman do to drop hints to a man that she's interested. I told you. It's not my fault you don't like the answer and want her to rub her boobs in your face before you get the hint. I agree with you norajane. However i've had women drop the same hints then blow me off only to later on drop them again. I don't bite however. it has happened enough where I just don't even react when women do it to me these days. hence why i was ignoring it from my female friend until she probably said to herself, "man is this guy thick" & went to the extreme. LOL!
singlelife Posted July 12, 2010 Posted July 12, 2010 I am aggressive with women so I usually flirt with them. Otherwise I don't pick up on the suttle hints. I know a lot of women like to flirt so they can say no first then they keep flirting because they really do want you. Besiides that I don't know what's up.
Gattica Posted July 13, 2010 Posted July 13, 2010 I will compliment his looks somehow. I know this has worked quite well for me: Say you are speaking about what you did over the weekend...he mentions he went to "ABC" and hung out. I will reply, "That sounds interesting/fun, if you would like some company when you go next time, let me know...I would like to check that place out." Something to that effect.
Author Serenitynow Posted July 13, 2010 Author Posted July 13, 2010 You asked what does a woman do to drop hints to a man that she's interested. I told you. It's not my fault you don't like the answer and want her to rub her boobs in your face before you get the hint. You did not give one example of what a women does to drop hints. The only thing you said was that its pointless for a women to do anything because the guy will ask if he's interested. That is no where near the truth whatsoever. Do you really think every guy thats interested in a female pursues her ? Guys dont hit on every female they find attractive. THATS what I am referring to when I said your comment was illogical. .
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