JLB Posted July 12, 2010 Posted July 12, 2010 So my boyfriend of 17 years cheated on me last summer with a 62 year old woman who is buku rich....she is worth millions and he is head over heels. He is only 41. We have gone through the last year of him lying to me, telling me she was at first just a friend...where it developed into more than friends, and now into a full blown relationship. He left me about 2 months ago and just tonight, told me that they are taking their relationship "out in the open." Apparently because they have been sneaking around to see each other, that she demanded that he stop telling people other stories when he is really going to see her. She wants him to take her out and show her off and not hide behind their 21 year age difference and also be out in the open in front of her friends, family and whoever else. When I ask him if he is in love with her, he says NO...when I ask him if she is his "girlfriend" he says he wouldn't call her that. I had gone NC with him about 8 days ago...because he keeps telling me he still misses me, still loves me, wants to take me out etc but won't stop seeing the OW. We recently took our children camping and fishing and he spent the weekend with me and the kids. Before we left on the camping trip, he told her that he was only taking the kids...not me. When he stayed here, we slept together not once but 3 times. (twice before we left and again once we got back home)...we also spent Fathers Day weekend together, where again he told her that he slept on the couch. When she found out that he went camping with all of us (me included) she got really upset with him. I threatened to tell her because I felt like he has been playing both of us. He asked me not to. He didn't beg me not to, but I could hear in his voice that he really did not want me to ruin it for him. However....during sex with him, he told me that he loved me twice, we fell asleep in each other arms etc. I am NOT the OW. We have 2 teen daughters together and my daughter from a previous marriage and now a 10 mos old grandson. However, he is making me feel like the OW. After talking to him for 2 and half hours tonight about what he is doing with her....he kept saying that he needed 3 mos to figure out if what he feels for her is genuine, or if it's just the allure of having to sneak around to see her that made him want to be with her. I already feel like I know the answer. He is drawn to her for some reason...it's not just the allure of sneaking, I really think he wants to be with her and be in a serious relationship with her, even though he told me that he did not want to be in one with anyone. When I told him that I changed my mind that I am not waiting 3 mos to find out if he is going to choose US or not...that I was done. He sat on the phone and cried. I ended up having to hang up on him because he wouldn't say anything he was just all choked up. Because I was SOOOOO angry...I texted her and told her about Fathers Day weekend and 4th of July camping weekend. I told her he slept with me both weekends and it wasn't just once. The wrath will come in the morning when she see's her texts. On one hand I wish I could take it back and just let them be....and be done with both of them...but on the other hand I was dying to tell her what he is doing. He is lying to her as well. He keeps insisting that they "won't last till October" which was supposed to be when he was going to tell me if he was all in or not all in, in regards to our relationship. Part of me says screw that...why give him 3 mos to figure it out. You either know or you don't. I did tell him there would be no 3 mos period of letting him figure out what he wants and tell me on Oct. 6th. Am I stupid for thinking that was going to work out in my favor?? So now I have sabotaged all chance of him ever coming back to me, now that I told his senior citizen girlfriend (I am 45....she is 17 years older than me)....I just don't get it....so in 8 years she will be 70 and he will be 49...really??? that is going to work?? I am just sick to death of this rollercoaster I am on with him. I guess it could be worse and he could be with a 25 year old...This lady is a plastic surgeons dream....she looks not a day over 48.... I am kind of sad...I know I need to now stick to my guns. I told him it was over....to have a nice life with granny and don't come around me...for any reason anymore. I know he was still confused on who he wanted, but I made the decision for him. But why does it hurt so bad???
YellowShark Posted July 12, 2010 Posted July 12, 2010 But why does it hurt so bad??? 1) Because he lied to you. 2) Because he cheated on you. 3) Because he betrayed you. 4) Because he won't stop seeing the OW. That's why it hurts so much. Stay NC. Stay strong. I'm in week 5 of NC with my cheating EX and it still is really tough. But remember NC is for you to heal and recover.
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