john 07 Posted July 12, 2010 Posted July 12, 2010 So I'm thinking about asking this girl out on a third date. I just don't know where to start. I was thinking about texting her "I enjoyed getting to know you better last week. I wanted to take you out for another dinner and wondering if you wanted to go??" does that sound ok?? Or should I keep it more simple to "I enjoyed getting to know you last week and was wondering if you wanted to get dinner again". Which sounds better. Also I'm going to ask her out for Friday. Should I constantly call and text her on the days in between when I don't see her?? Thanks guys. I'm such a newb at this......sad
Pfiend101 Posted July 12, 2010 Posted July 12, 2010 That sounds a little too long to me. Try something like "Hey hottie last week was fun. Lets do dinner this friday. Hows that sound?" I have also found that no matter how award it is you ask someone for another date if they are even remotely interested they will say yes. Also dont constantly call or text. However they like it when they know you're thinking about them. Like send "Hey hope you have a great day :)" But not much more than that unless she likes talking on the phone alot/texting.
sultry33 Posted July 12, 2010 Posted July 12, 2010 Hi, yes I agree with the above.. keep it short , just a hi how are you kinda thing good luck:)
BubbleFreak Posted July 12, 2010 Posted July 12, 2010 I think it depends on what the girl is like. I thought that second thing you said would sound good as a text. Personally if I got heaps of texts between seeing a guy I would love it. I think you have to make that judgement based on the girl and what you feel comfortable doing though.
sultry33 Posted July 12, 2010 Posted July 12, 2010 I think it depends on what the girl is like. I thought that second thing you said would sound good as a text. Personally if I got heaps of texts between seeing a guy I would love it. I think you have to make that judgement based on the girl and what you feel comfortable doing though. see id hate it.. its having the right balance I think:)
brokendream Posted July 12, 2010 Posted July 12, 2010 Def judge it on the type of girl because I hate guys stalking me with calls and texts when I don't know them that well. That's all fine when you are actually "in a relationship" with someone but to me it would scream that the guy has no life. A little mystery is best If she texts a lot then it's ok to be like that with her but if you notice she waits a long time between replys or keeps ending the text conversation then maybe you are going too far. Still don't overdo it because you want her to wonder about you a little.
BubbleFreak Posted July 12, 2010 Posted July 12, 2010 see id hate it.. its having the right balance I think:) Yah, women/girls want different things, so again depends on the girl he is dating. I'd say you're right, balance is the ideal. But it's confusing since my idea of balanced would be no phone calls between times I see my bf, but on MSN or texting heaps. Another girl's balance might be no contact between dates, or it might come across as needy. It's sounds so complicated lol.
sultry33 Posted July 12, 2010 Posted July 12, 2010 Yah, women/girls want different things, so again depends on the girl he is dating. I'd say you're right, balance is the ideal. But it's confusing since my idea of balanced would be no phone calls between times I see my bf, but on MSN or texting heaps. Another girl's balance might be no contact between dates, or it might come across as needy. It's sounds so complicated lol. yeah it is , its no wonder guys have so much trouble:laugh: I dont mind a text a day or something but if it carries on an on then i get bored. cant think what to say so I say nothing then get... you never reply! jezz its hard. I dont like calls to much as I dont like being put on the spot plus I live in a madhouse so no chance I can hear anyway..
Star Gazer Posted July 12, 2010 Posted July 12, 2010 Personally, I'd prefer something more assertive... Leave out the "wondering" and "do you want to" language. Instead: "I've really enjoyed our last two dates. How about a third? ;)" Or "I've been meaning to check out XYZ restaurant and think you'd be fun to go with. Whaddya say? ;)" Something light and flirty, but assertive.
gamma1 Posted July 12, 2010 Posted July 12, 2010 Yah, women/girls want different things, so again depends on the girl he is dating. I'd say you're right, balance is the ideal. But it's confusing since my idea of balanced would be no phone calls between times I see my bf, but on MSN or texting heaps. Another girl's balance might be no contact between dates, or it might come across as needy. It's sounds so complicated lol. yeah it is , its no wonder guys have so much trouble:laugh: I dont mind a text a day or something but if it carries on an on then i get bored. cant think what to say so I say nothing then get... you never reply! jezz its hard. I dont like calls to much as I dont like being put on the spot plus I live in a madhouse so no chance I can hear anyway.. Why is it such a big deal either way? Too many people make such a big deal out of nothing. Yes, this is much of why dating is so hard. Why not look more into if he's a good guy rather than the number of calls or texts he sends, unless of course it's to an extreme?
BubbleFreak Posted July 12, 2010 Posted July 12, 2010 Why is it such a big deal either way? Too many people make such a big deal out of nothing. Yes, this is much of why dating is so hard. Why not look more into if he's a good guy rather than the number of calls or texts he sends, unless of course it's to an extreme? The OP asked whether or not he should text/call the girl between dates, and so we responded to the question with what frequency would be OK for us. Concluded that each girl is different. And, like you have said, some girls might not care either way.
gamma1 Posted July 12, 2010 Posted July 12, 2010 The OP asked whether or not he should text/call the girl between dates, and so we responded to the question with what frequency would be OK for us. Concluded that each girl is different. And, like you have said, some girls might not care either way. The problem the OP has is there's often a very narrow range in what's acceptable. I've lost opportunities for dates because I'd either call her too soon or wait too long and you never know what too soon or too long is going to be because it is so different for each woman. It is very frustrating for many men knowing that if they mess this up, it's over. That's why so many of us are so nervous. I suppose he could take an "average" of what you all are saying and hope for the best. Maybe she gave him some clues in their first two meetings, but clearly not enough. Does he know if she prefers calls or texts?
Star Gazer Posted July 12, 2010 Posted July 12, 2010 I suppose he could take an "average" of what you all are saying and hope for the best. I still wouldn't do that. IMHO, only really needy, clingy people like lots of communication/texts in between dates this early in the relationship. An independent person who's got a life of their own will find tons of contact bizarre and annoying. I'm presuming here that the OP wouldn't be interested in the former... because really, who would?
BubbleFreak Posted July 12, 2010 Posted July 12, 2010 The problem the OP has is there's often a very narrow range in what's acceptable. I've lost opportunities for dates because I'd either call her too soon or wait too long and you never know what too soon or too long is going to be because it is so different for each woman. It is very frustrating for many men knowing that if they mess this up, it's over. That's why so many of us are so nervous. I suppose he could take an "average" of what you all are saying and hope for the best. Maybe she gave him some clues in their first two meetings, but clearly not enough. Does he know if she prefers calls or texts? I don't like games such as "how many days should I wait before I call?" etc. To the point is best, and stick with your own comfort zone. But we still have preferences and ideas about what is too much/little contact. When two people are in tune with each other, then they learn these preferences. My bf knew I used to have a phone phobia, so he didn't call me in the early stages of our relationship, but we spent a lot of time on MSN together because it suited us. The point is not to take an "average" of what everyone is saying, but for the OP to find out what the girl in his life likes. And to use his own judgment.
BubbleFreak Posted July 12, 2010 Posted July 12, 2010 I still wouldn't do that. IMHO, only really needy, clingy people like lots of communication/texts in between dates this early in the relationship. An independent person who's got a life of their own will find tons of contact bizarre and annoying. I'm presuming here that the OP wouldn't be interested in the former... because really, who would? It's sad that you would think this of everyone who likes lots of communication. It does not mean I "need" to get 10 texts a day, but it is nice to get a few random texts, but if someone texts me 10 times a day with interesting messages I don't think anything less of them. If the messages were creepy, that would be another matter.
gamma1 Posted July 12, 2010 Posted July 12, 2010 I don't like games such as "how many days should I wait before I call?" etc. To the point is best, and stick with your own comfort zone. But we still have preferences and ideas about what is too much/little contact. When two people are in tune with each other, then they learn these preferences. My bf knew I used to have a phone phobia, so he didn't call me in the early stages of our relationship, but we spent a lot of time on MSN together because it suited us. The point is not to take an "average" of what everyone is saying, but for the OP to find out what the girl in his life likes. And to use his own judgment. It would be nice if we could stick with our own confort zone, but I drove a lot of women away and realized I had to go out of my comfort zone if I expected to get many dates. I agree that is the point to find out what she likes. Unfortunately, he does not yet know what she likes which is why he posted here. He has to make the best guess possible with the information he has. The opinions from women on here vary quite a bit, which is why I suggested do something in the middle. If he feels that she has given him some indication of what she likes, of course he should go with that. Once he learns what she prefers, things will get much easier for him.
BubbleFreak Posted July 12, 2010 Posted July 12, 2010 Once he learns what she prefers, things will get much easier for him. Definitely. Good luck!
brokendream Posted July 12, 2010 Posted July 12, 2010 Gamma I agree....something in the middle is best for now until he knows her better. Too much contact and she might get freaked out and think he has no life but too little contact and she'll think he's not that interested. By too much contact I'm talking about the guys who text constantly and if you haven't replied for two hours cause you are busy they ask if something is wrong. Such a turn off.
gamma1 Posted July 12, 2010 Posted July 12, 2010 I still wouldn't do that. IMHO, only really needy, clingy people like lots of communication/texts in between dates this early in the relationship. An independent person who's got a life of their own will find tons of contact bizarre and annoying. I'm presuming here that the OP wouldn't be interested in the former... because really, who would? It's clear just from this thread alone that some people prefer lots of communication and some prefer almost none between dates. Sometimes it's an age thing. If I knew nothing else, I'd make a quick call to ask her out again and maybe some texts, especially if she is younger. I don't know if he mentioned her age, but I'd say less or no texting if she's mid 30s or above, but more if she's in her 20s. It keeps coming back to what this one woman wants and it's all somewhat of a guess until he knows.
Author john 07 Posted July 12, 2010 Author Posted July 12, 2010 The problem the OP has is there's often a very narrow range in what's acceptable. I've lost opportunities for dates because I'd either call her too soon or wait too long and you never know what too soon or too long is going to be because it is so different for each woman. It is very frustrating for many men knowing that if they mess this up, it's over. That's why so many of us are so nervous. I suppose he could take an "average" of what you all are saying and hope for the best. Maybe she gave him some clues in their first two meetings, but clearly not enough. Does he know if she prefers calls or texts? I think she is more of a texting person. The only problem is she never responds right away. It takes and hour or 2 multiple times for her to respond. I dont know why. She seems like that with other texts she gets too though.
Star Gazer Posted July 12, 2010 Posted July 12, 2010 It's clear just from this thread alone that some people prefer lots of communication and some prefer almost none between dates. I disagree completely. You have ONE poster saying she likes lots and lots of contact, and that poster has proclaimed herself to have Aspergers and not understand what's socially appropriate or not. So... take that commentary with a grain of salt. Again, I don't think emotionally healthy people like a lot of communication between dates this early in the game.
Star Gazer Posted July 12, 2010 Posted July 12, 2010 It's sad that you would think this of everyone who likes lots of communication. It does not mean I "need" to get 10 texts a day, but it is nice to get a few random texts, but if someone texts me 10 times a day with interesting messages I don't think anything less of them. But you've acknowledged that you don't understand what's socially appropriate or not.
brokendream Posted July 12, 2010 Posted July 12, 2010 I think she is more of a texting person. The only problem is she never responds right away. It takes and hour or 2 multiple times for her to respond. I dont know why. She seems like that with other texts she gets too though. If she is taking an hour or two to respond to texts then she is not a big texter. Some people just aren't into random texting until they know someone well. Just see how it goes as things progress. You'll know by how much she's texting you, if she's asking questions in her texts etc.
gamma1 Posted July 12, 2010 Posted July 12, 2010 (edited) I disagree completely. You have ONE poster saying she likes lots and lots of contact, and that poster has proclaimed herself to have Aspergers and not understand what's socially appropriate or not. So... take that commentary with a grain of salt. Again, I don't think emotionally healthy people like a lot of communication between dates this early in the game. One person in this thread, but plenty of other people also like more communication earlier on. I've seen women who love to talk and text before even the first date and I've seen the opposite. I find it irrelevant if she has some condition or not. When it gets down to it, most of the population could technically be diagnosed with something. As a man I don't really care either way whether there is a lot of communication or not in the early stages of dating. I don't think the amount of texing has anything to do with the emotional health of the person, unless it is a very extreme amount. It's a personal preference. Edited July 12, 2010 by gamma1
sultry33 Posted July 12, 2010 Posted July 12, 2010 I think she is more of a texting person. The only problem is she never responds right away. It takes and hour or 2 multiple times for her to respond. I dont know why. She seems like that with other texts she gets too though. have you asked her yet? I would say I can sometimes text alot but thats very rare.. its not game playing or an age thing I have always been like that;) An ex I lived with used to call me text me all the time and once cause he didnt hear from me he called the police:eek:that was weird my recent ex from the get go used to call/text too much and i did go nuts an tell him.. he still did it. Its just balance... find out hers.. Im sure a couple of texts would be just fine:)
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