cozmickid Posted July 12, 2010 Posted July 12, 2010 I met the girl of my dreams two years ago. We moved in together. Everything pointed towards me asking her to marry me. We had the kind of relationship that everyone in her world thought was almost movie like. But like a lot of people, some stresses (I have kids from a previous relationship) started to get to us and we developed some bad communication skills. But we both seemed devoted to working that out. I had a breakdown when I lost my marriage of 16 years, and so when things look really bad in our relationship, it started to make me fear that I was witnessing that all again. But even up until a few months ago, we were having our normal good times and working on things. Then we had a stupid fight. I told her I didn't feel like she was a partner but more of a combatant. She left and stayed at her mom's. This was the beginning of June. The told me she was looking for another place and found one. While she waited for that to be all cleared up, she told me that she still wanted to date me. That she wanted to try this as a 'reconfiguring of our relationship'....starting over with things a little more simple. I saw her moving out as a rejection and was very hurt by it. In the few weeks after she left, I pulled away a lot. I truly felt that this was a mistake. That she was basically saying that a life with me is a great place to visit, but she didn't want to live there. I focused on myself much as I could. I made a profile on a dating site but was very clear that I didn't want to date in the romantic sense of the word. I more or less just wanted to meet people and have the opportunity to have friends. I was honest about this with her, but she was hurt by it. After a few weeks of that, however, I realized that I only really wanted to be talking to my ex. To make things harder, when I pulled away, she more or less pursued me and was conciliatory about things just at a time I was still working things out. The weekend she moved her things out, we had a huge fight. I felt like I was in a pressure cooker then. I said some things I hugely regret. She was no angel either, but I was worse. In the handful of weeks since, I was stabbed in a random attack and no one was there for me more than my ex. She let me stay with her at her new place. I made every attempt to let her know that though things had obviously gotten bad, that I hoped we could work things out and that I finally understood what she was wanting for us --that I didn't see it as a rejection any longer and was open to it. But now she says she is too hurt. She tried and tried to hold on while I pushed her away. And she needs space. That us being together right now is not possible, but she won't rule out down the line. That she would like to work on herself and so should I. Ok, fair enough. But now she is on the same dating site I was on, and though she mentions that she doesn't want anything serious because of the relationship she was just out of, it hurts me like crazy. I guess it's what I deserve, huh? So I'm fighting wanting to pursue her. She sure pursued me....even showed up unannounced at midnight to talk once. Sent me texts and etc. Now I am wanting to do the same but she said she needed space. And I'm worried that she won't get bored of the dating site like I did. I'm afraid that I zigged when I should have zagged and by the time I came to terms with what she wanted for us, she had moved on. I've been heavily in counselling since the breakup and feel like I am firmly grappling with my mistakes. I don't want her commitment right now...but I would like for the opportunity to talk with her and apologize and let her know some of those things. I guess what all this leads to is....I was stupid for over a month letting her have that space and it only made her feel unloved and pushed away. Should I continue to give her space or man up and try to do the work to show her how I feel now?
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