sweetblubrry Posted July 12, 2010 Share Posted July 12, 2010 I have never been in this situation so I need some advice! Guy #1 I met at my workplace, and my age 25.... Guy #2 I met online, 28 years old. Both roughly around the same time. Guy #1 I have known for over a year since we work together, and has always kind of had a thing for me. We've seen each other a lot in the past 2 weeks and we have even been intimate (oral sex only). He doesn't really take me out but we get off late at night from work around 10pm so he comes over to my place or I go to his. Guy #2 is moving a lot slower... we only see each other once a week and the relationship does not move fast physically. But we have kissed. Overall Guy #2 is probably the better choice because he has a better job, more stable, comes from a close family, master's degree, etc... Guy #1 is also sweet but has some dirt in his past, did not get a bachelor's yet, job isn't as good. Also there is quite a bit of drama surrounding him because of dating another girl at work (who he also lives with but swears it is over lol) Friends tell me that these things shouldn't matter and that I should base them on feelings. However, I have been hurt so many times in the past that it is very hard for me to open up and have feelings for people. Especially this early on. So what do I do!?! Sometimes I feel like guy #1 I am just having fun with... and guy #2 I am hoping for more of a relationship out of. But In hanging out with the first one I am finding I like him more and more... so what is a girl to do!? Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted July 12, 2010 Share Posted July 12, 2010 Keep dating them both for now, don't get too physical or lead either to believe you're exclusive. Ultimately, you'll figure it out. At the end of the day, go with the one who gives you butterflies. Those don't grow over time. They're either there, or they're not. Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted July 12, 2010 Share Posted July 12, 2010 I have never been in this situation so I need some advice! Guy #1 I met at my workplace, and my age 25.... Guy #2 I met online, 28 years old. Both roughly around the same time. Guy #1 I have known for over a year since we work together, and has always kind of had a thing for me. We've seen each other a lot in the past 2 weeks and we have even been intimate (oral sex only). He doesn't really take me out but we get off late at night from work around 10pm so he comes over to my place or I go to his. Guy #2 is moving a lot slower... we only see each other once a week and the relationship does not move fast physically. But we have kissed. Overall Guy #2 is probably the better choice because he has a better job, more stable, comes from a close family, master's degree, etc... Guy #1 is also sweet but has some dirt in his past, did not get a bachelor's yet, job isn't as good. Also there is quite a bit of drama surrounding him because of dating another girl at work (who he also lives with but swears it is over lol) Friends tell me that these things shouldn't matter and that I should base them on feelings. However, I have been hurt so many times in the past that it is very hard for me to open up and have feelings for people. Especially this early on. So what do I do!?! Sometimes I feel like guy #1 I am just having fun with... and guy #2 I am hoping for more of a relationship out of. But In hanging out with the first one I am finding I like him more and more... so what is a girl to do!? Girl should get herself healthy before entering the dating pool again. Girl should not be messing around with guys that could easily be attached and having another guy "on the side." Girl should not open herself up and make herself vulnerable to having feelings for anyone she doesn't know very well or base part of her decision on objectifiable qualities of a person. Become a person of character and then look for a person of character. Detach and try again. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Cracker Jack Posted July 12, 2010 Share Posted July 12, 2010 Don't date either. Edit: Yes, the above post is well said. Link to post Share on other sites
Gero Posted July 12, 2010 Share Posted July 12, 2010 At the end of the day, go with the one who gives you butterflies. Those don't grow over time. They're either there, or they're not. Really? I was hanging out with a girl in high school and there were no butterflies. I didn't even think she was good looking at first. Then somehow things changed once I asked her out and we got closer. So in at least one case for me butterflies came over time. I'm not like normal people though so I guess things don't work that way for other people. Link to post Share on other sites
Serenitynow Posted July 12, 2010 Share Posted July 12, 2010 I have been hurt so many times in the past that it is very hard for me to open up and have feelings for people. Especially this early on. So what do I do!?! Gee, I wonder why you have been hurt so many times ? You are allowed to have sex and do whatever you want, but with most guys when you engage in sex so quickly, they will not respect you. And you are following the same path again. Guy #1 you are becoming sexually active with Guy #2 is taking things slower (hes probably trying to earn your trust and show you respect) But most females will lose interest in guy #2. Women say they are tired of getting taken advantage of, or used by guys, but when a so called "nice guy " comes along and doesnt try to get you on your back, you second guess the situation and go back with Mr Drama because you mistakenly identify his sexual advances as feelings that he cares for you. So him, the other girl, and you all work at the same place, her and him live together, and you go over there and fool around with him ? . Link to post Share on other sites
gamma1 Posted July 12, 2010 Share Posted July 12, 2010 Guy #2 is far better in many ways. It's not even close. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sweetblubrry Posted July 12, 2010 Author Share Posted July 12, 2010 Thanks guys. I will most likely choose guy #2.... the other one just has too much drama but I am enjoying the attention. And I am healthy! My last relationship was over 2 years ago.... I am over it. However, I fall WAY to fast.. and that ends up leaving me really hurt. So now I am really careful about it which in turn keeps me from doing that again. I don't let the butterflies happen... I let them happen gradually. Because i just figure he's just another one that won't call. I try nto to set myself up for disappointment. I do like #1 as well, but I am worried about hurting him cause he likes me. Neither guy has asked for a commitment so I feel like I should be able to date both. As for the physical part with #1.. this is SO not like me. I think the only reason it is happening because I'm comfortable is because I know him from work. I would never do this with a total stranger one i met online. Also guy #1 is also typical nice guy, a total geek. But the only part is that he does move fast. They both are geeks really, lol. Link to post Share on other sites
gamma1 Posted July 12, 2010 Share Posted July 12, 2010 I do like #1 as well, but I am worried about hurting him cause he likes me. The longer it goes on, the more you will hurt the guy. Delaying hurting a guy will end up hurting him even more. You don't have to break it off immediately, but if things keep going well with #2, you will have no choice but to break it off with #1. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sweetblubrry Posted July 14, 2010 Author Share Posted July 14, 2010 Ughh this is so frustrating. Okay so guy #1 even though we are physical, I know he cares. Because he texts me a lot and wants to hang out every few days. He would stay up all night and work the next day just to see me.If I was just a booty call... I wouldn't even hear from him. He has also liked me for a long time at work. Guy #2 I have once a week dates with. And inb etween those dates, I don't hear from him unless it is to set up the plans for hte date. But he never asks how my week is going or things like that, like guy #1.... any suggestions now? Link to post Share on other sites
xpaperxcutx Posted July 14, 2010 Share Posted July 14, 2010 Ughh this is so frustrating. Okay so guy #1 even though we are physical, I know he cares. Because he texts me a lot and wants to hang out every few days. He would stay up all night and work the next day just to see me.If I was just a booty call... I wouldn't even hear from him. He has also liked me for a long time at work. Guy #2 I have once a week dates with. And inb etween those dates, I don't hear from him unless it is to set up the plans for hte date. But he never asks how my week is going or things like that, like guy #1.... any suggestions now? I'm sorry, but you are a booty call for guy #1. You guys don't even " date" properly and you're already giving him head? Really, if you don't want to get hurt, avoid sleeping with guys so early on. Try to work on guy #2. Initiate a bit. If he's still passive, just dump him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sweetblubrry Posted July 14, 2010 Author Share Posted July 14, 2010 Actually we have gone on a few dates out like mini golf, movie theatre, out to eat. Problem is we both work opposite days and work so much he will come over and we'll just cook dinner at home and watch a movie or something cause we are both tired. And when I mean work I mean like 12 hour days, eek! Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts