rocket182 Posted July 12, 2010 Posted July 12, 2010 My mom died 2 1/2 weeks ago. I'm finding it really hard to get over the fact that she wasn't able to be here to see me get married and have children. My mom lived for her grandchildren and she always talked about how she couldn't wait for me to have kids for her to spoil since she didn't see my sisters kids very often. My dad's been dead for over 9 years, and I accepted long ago that he wouldn't be here to walk my down the isle when I get married or play with my children. I knew my mother wouldn't live to be very old, but we never expected her to be gone so soon. It's such an odd experience because while I've lost a parent before I was much younger and it has made it a much different experience. Has anyone else lost a parent before they were able to reach milestones in their life? How do you deal with it?
Tony T Posted July 12, 2010 Posted July 12, 2010 My mother died when I was 13 and it still affects me to this very day. I've never gotten over it completely. I think when you're older, like in your 20's or 30's, you can understand death a bit better and be able to process the loss in a more appropriate manner. I will say that it is a very strange feeling to be without both parents. It's sort of like you're all alone against the world. That feeling is resolved with time. Just know what you're feeling now is perfectly normal. Yes, it would have been nice if your mother could have been around to see your family grow but dealing the cards we are dealt in life is what it's all about. Life goes on exactly as it's supposed to...otherwise, it would happen differently. Make the best of everything that happens with the support of the family you have left and the good friends who surround you.
Author rocket182 Posted July 12, 2010 Author Posted July 12, 2010 I will say that it is a very strange feeling to be without both parents. It's sort of like you're all alone against the world. That's exactly how it is. Even though I have lost of family left, I feel very strange and oddly alone now. It's reassuring to have someone say that this is all normal and will get better with time. Even though I know it will since I've been through this before, it just feels so different now that I'm older and understand it all a lot better.
Art_Critic Posted July 12, 2010 Posted July 12, 2010 Hi Rocket... I'm sorry for your loss.. I lost my Dad about 23 years ago and it was a defining moment in my life.. It really made me who I am today.. and Tony is right you never forget.. you never stop missing them but the pain lessens with time and you remember all the good times and smiles that they had with you and those come up daily and will help you get thru your days and make you smile.. Keep posting... **Hugz**
Shakz Posted July 12, 2010 Posted July 12, 2010 I lost my dad in '97. We were never very close and it took me a long time to feel anything. It did have the effect of bringing me closer to the rest of my family, however. 2 1/2 weeks is such a short period of time. How are you handling it? I know if I lost my mom I'd be overwhelmed.
spriggig Posted July 12, 2010 Posted July 12, 2010 (edited) My mom died of Alzheimer's on May 9th, 2008. She was 80, and she had a full life. She died before the disease took too much of her mind, but the last time I saw her, in December 2007, she had forgotten that I had been married for 10 years, she asked about my ring, and of course she didn't know that I have a son either. She died at home sitting in her chair, next to dad. Edited July 12, 2010 by spriggig
Author rocket182 Posted July 12, 2010 Author Posted July 12, 2010 I lost my dad in '97. We were never very close and it took me a long time to feel anything. It did have the effect of bringing me closer to the rest of my family, however. 2 1/2 weeks is such a short period of time. How are you handling it? I know if I lost my mom I'd be overwhelmed. I'm kindof pushing through. During the day I'm usually fine (though sometimes I'll see or think of something that reminds me of her and break down) but it's at night when it's the hardest. I lay down to go to sleep, but I can't. I just start to think about everything and I can't stop. I usually don't get to sleep until at least 3 or 4 in the morning. It is bringing me a lot closer to my brother I have by her (my mom and dad only had me together, the rest of my siblings they had in other marriages). Me and hmi really only saw each other every once and awhile, he liked to keep to himself. Now he's calling me a lot and wanting me to come to his house and stuff, so I'm happy for that. My mom died of Alzheimer's on May 9th, 2008. She was 80, and she had a full life. She died before the disease took too much of her mind, but the last time I saw her, in December 2007, she had forgotten that I had been married for 10 years, she asked about my ring, and of course she didn't know that I have a son either. She died at home sitting in her chair, next to dad. That's very sad, I'm sorry. That's good that she had what sounds like a peaceful death though.
Shakz Posted July 12, 2010 Posted July 12, 2010 I'm kindof pushing through. During the day I'm usually fine (though sometimes I'll see or think of something that reminds me of her and break down) but it's at night when it's the hardest. I lay down to go to sleep, but I can't. I just start to think about everything and I can't stop. I usually don't get to sleep until at least 3 or 4 in the morning. It is bringing me a lot closer to my brother I have by her (my mom and dad only had me together, the rest of my siblings they had in other marriages). Me and hmi really only saw each other every once and awhile, he liked to keep to himself. Now he's calling me a lot and wanting me to come to his house and stuff, so I'm happy for that. It's good that you and he are able to lean on each other a bit. I hope you can find a way to deal with your grief and lack of sleep. Maybe get some gentle counseling or a support group if it persists. Or through prayer, if that's your thing. Strange thing, my friend called me this morning and told me her father passed away last night. She was supposed to come out for a visit this weekend but now that's on hold. She seemed to be okay. He had been sick for a long time.
Author rocket182 Posted July 12, 2010 Author Posted July 12, 2010 It's good that you and he are able to lean on each other a bit. I hope you can find a way to deal with your grief and lack of sleep. Maybe get some gentle counseling or a support group if it persists. Or through prayer, if that's your thing. Strange thing, my friend called me this morning and told me her father passed away last night. She was supposed to come out for a visit this weekend but now that's on hold. She seemed to be okay. He had been sick for a long time. Thats kindof how it was with my dad, at least for everyone else. He was really sick and everyone knew it would happen sooner or later. As a child, I didn't understand that. It's almost like dealing with my mother passing is making me deal with my fathers all over again, and it's hard knowing that it was probably a traumatic and painfulful death.
quankanne Posted July 13, 2010 Posted July 13, 2010 many, many hugs to you, rocket – my mom died six and a half years ago, and the missing her bit comes in waves. Over time you start to mentally acclimate to the fact this person you love so much is gone, but there are occasions when the grief starts all over again (to a lesser degree, thank heavens) when it *really* hits that they aren't there. I guess that's when all the good stuff she shared with you – the love, the laughter, the friendship, the hopes and wishes – come into play, and you start to realize just how much she still is a part of you ... my personal thought is that even if my mother isn't here physically for the milestones, we're still linked by a strong love that allows her to play a big part in those things in another way. I am very sorry for your loss, kiddo ...
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