stoploss11 Posted July 11, 2010 Posted July 11, 2010 Its been 5 weeks since her life went insanely crazy, and she pulled away. Sometimes a few days would go by and then i'd hear from her, sometimes once or twice a day i'd get a random text. then maybe a few days again before contact. We work together and have always been quiet about that there so we'd see each other and say hellos about all. After the first week she let me know what all went crazy with her mother and baby. So i let her have her space. Then a week later she said how everything is a mess and she is focused on making sure everything doesnt get completely screwed up. We had gotten extremely close for months prior, and I didn't want to lose that. When she'd see me at work she looked at me the same way but still kept from engaging completely. Two weeks ago I saw her at lunch with another guy as I drove by she saw me and text me 10 mins later "what was that look for" we text back and forth a few times and finally she was like "you're right, do you want to talk" we met up and talked for 30 mins and I could tell how bad she was feeling about her life predicaments. So i didn't push to get information on "us" and just let her know I was there for her. The next week was sporadic contact again, and I was giving her space and time still, then this week she slightly started engaging initial contact again not a lot but a few random contacts. We talked and text 3 days in a row and then nothing for 3 days. I didn't try to go after her and last night she text me some funny stuff again non invasive and first thing this morning she text me a few times again. Then called me and we talked for an hour. She told me its the first time she's had a minute and the baby's father had the baby alone. She had a few hours to go shopping and return stuff etc... We talked randomly about a option i sold on a project and the offer they made me at our job starting next week. Then a few things came up about us again and I tried not to go there too much but she made a comment about all the girls at work that say stuff about me, so I said "I only notice one girl in that building". Then it carried on about how shes working so much overtime(which she is) then goes straight home and puts the baby to bed and really has no time to think about herself anymore. Then afew things came up about our feelings and she slightly avoided it, I asked if she didn't feel the same anymore, If it bothered her I was still there and wanted to be with her and her baby. She said no it doesn't bother me or annoy me. Then asked if thats what I wanted her to say and asked if I was egging her on? I told her no thats not what I'm doing, i'm not egging her on I just want to know how she honestly feels and what she thinks. If she wants me to walk away. She said I can't tell you what you should do. Then made comments about something I said to her earlier about the overtime because the company is launching new platforms. Something like in three months when this launch is complete maybe I can think about myself. At some point she also mentioned her friend that is trying dating with a young child as well and how hard it is. I told her simply nothing has changed for me, I feel the same way about her and her baby. We joked for a few more minutes and then got off the phone. 30 minutes later she text me and said she just saw my twin at some store. We've text several times since then. You can never fully understand what other people think or feel. But I honestly feel we connected smashingly and other people that knew about us mentioned similar notions. Since the blowup in her life she hasn't emoted her feelings like previously. She's the first woman I connected enough with to want a family, she has mentioned children together as well. Somedays I wonder if she meant it and some days I know she did. How do I take the last few days and how do I approach the next few months? If she didn't have feelings for me, would she tell me? What should I have said that i didn't when we talked finally opened today? Thank you for any support and comments.
New_Life08 Posted July 12, 2010 Posted July 12, 2010 She is not ready for the responsibility of a relationship right now. She probably feels she cannot give the relationship 100% at this time in her life. This is a good opportunity for you to just be a supportive friend, without any expectations and questioning. You will find she will embrace you in her life much more this way. Then you never know where it will lead once she gets past her immediate problems. Moms are funny creatures. If nothing else, we always have the love of our children. They are steadfast, and that can be a safety net when we go through stressful times. We devote what energy we have left to our children who we feel a debt of responsibility for. I know in my own experience with dating someone who is not the kids' dad can bring mixed emotions and guilt. Not guilt that we should not have adult intimacy, but guilt that we brought the kids into this world and we are responsible for who they are exposed to. The baby may have nothing to do with it, but I am just saying it sorta sounds like she is a devoted mother, and this could have something to do with her behavior. Hang in there it sounds like you have a great friendship going and that is always the best place to start.
Author stoploss11 Posted July 13, 2010 Author Posted July 13, 2010 Thank you so much for the response. She lit up today when she saw me at work. If friendship is all she can have now, shes worth it. At first i felt like it was going backwards, because we connected on every level, including physically. But it may be too much for her right now. I still miss her though.
New_Life08 Posted July 13, 2010 Posted July 13, 2010 It sounds like she appreciates and cares for you a great deal. Of course she is worth it...you are in love with her Hang in there, be patient, and everything will work out the way it is meant to be.
Shawn2188 Posted July 13, 2010 Posted July 13, 2010 wow man, me and you are kinda in the same position, you can read my thread below yours. but yea theres not a child involved but my girlfriend is going through some personal problems right now, and pretty much the only time i have seen her is at work cuz we work together too...but yea I hope everything works out with you and your girl man.
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