fwang Posted July 12, 2010 Posted July 12, 2010 I had the same situation. I met a guy who is 15 years older than me 17 days ago. We dated 5 times in the frist week and then 2 times in the second week. This week, I already sensed something different. First week, he was so sexual in front of me. We kissed and made out but no sex. But during the second week, we just had a good night kiss. We texted almost everyday, 5 to 10 messages per day. This Friday, we ate and watched a movie together in his condo. At the same time, we had a kind of conversation. I was wondering whether he's seeing someone else and he said no. He also told me that we were more than friends and he thought the age gap might be a problem. But he commited that he was happy with me and had a kind of new experience about dating a foreigner. Next morning, we woke up together (still have no sex). We talked and laughed as usual, and then he told me that he would call me after finishing the biking. From Saturday morning till now, there is no text and no call from him. I think it's over.
gypsy_nicky Posted July 12, 2010 Posted July 12, 2010 this happened to me twice. On both occasion's the girl went along with every plan I made. I somehow knew she really liked me. Then it got too intense too quick and both got cold feet and bailed. Now I learn to pace and take it fast enough but not too slow.
Serenitynow Posted July 12, 2010 Posted July 12, 2010 Next morning, we woke up together (still have no sex). We talked and laughed as usual, and then he told me that he would call me after finishing the biking. From Saturday morning till now, there is no text and no call from him. I think it's over. Obviously he's looking for sex. 17 days and you're already in bed with him ? I understand that its your choice, but you got to realize the message that is sending him. Even if you arent having sex, I think thats giving him the wrong impression.
gamma1 Posted July 12, 2010 Posted July 12, 2010 Yes, that too! That is more likely to happen when things move too fast. That is playing games. This sudden cold feet is most certainly a game and men pull this as much if not more than women. She could have said at any time "let us slow down a little bit". Instead she drops a bombshell on him after a couple of weeks. If there isn't good communication between the two, it isn't going to last anyway.
Author kickintheaz Posted July 12, 2010 Author Posted July 12, 2010 (edited) hi all and thanks for the input and opinions, its certainly interesting to read the differing views and the fact others have been through similar.. I guess to address some of whats been discussed, I have dated over the last year or so, but always just to 1st/2nd date, was seeing a girl for a month earlier this year but I wasn't as into it as she was and so bowed out gracefully rather than string her along after realising feelings weren't the same.... I guess this was first girl since ex that I felt 'that' connection with.. hence I'm a bit perturbed by the recent turn of events.. regarding the alleged 'smothering', well I can't agree that that happened, she initiated contact with me online and continued to do so for first few days, there was no pressure about when the next date was going to be had, we just knew we'd meet again, if that makes sense? the constant contact was recognised as such, but we were both so involved in it we both didn't want to reign it in. In fact she explained to me how her friend wasn't into all the texting and stuff when ya start seeing someone, but as my date put it, 'thats what you do, to try see if there is a connection there and build on it', I didn't force her into responding and vice versa.. similarly the dates weren't pushed on her, we agreed times we were free and went with it.. in fact if anything she seemed a lot keener, e.g. date set for 5pm on a sunday, at 3pm that day she texts asking if I can make it sooner cos she was doing nothing and was dying to see me... i couldn't though.. I think the whole 'saw each other too much too fast' isn't a huge issue for me, most of my prev relationships were with girls I worked with, hence we'd be seeing each other 9-5 and then 5.05 til perhaps 9am the next day!.. I know I can handle that level of contact ONCE I like the girl enough to see her that much, I certainly felt that she was on the same page and indeed in a further txt conversation last night she did indeed state that she was, but she realised she has to deal with some emotions that are worrying her.. which is fair enough, the girl has recognised that there is something holding her back and needs to work on it, I'm not gonna hang around waiting for her to be honest, but at the same time I am NOT rushing back online to try set up another date as its a little early in the week and I don't really need more drama and I have 2 weekends of family events coming up (that I was never going to ask her to btw, I am more than happy to go on my own and wasn't gonna ruin things with date just to try show her off to the clan!).. anyway, this is quite an experience and I think when (if) I hit that spark again with someone the phrase may be 'softly softly catchee monkey' and take things at a pace that can be sustained rather than going full belt for the first 100 metres of what ultimately could be a marathon!!! and if she comes back to try again in the next few days.... big hearted old fool here will cave!!! Edited July 12, 2010 by kickintheaz
BobSacamento Posted July 12, 2010 Posted July 12, 2010 You both spent too much time together in a short amount of time. Totally agree
gamma1 Posted July 12, 2010 Posted July 12, 2010 anyway, this is quite an experience and I think when (if) I hit that spark again with someone the phrase may be 'softly softly catchee monkey' and take things at a pace that can be sustained rather than going full belt for the first 100 metres of what ultimately could be a marathon!!! and if she comes back to try again in the next few days.... big hearted old fool here will cave!!! I suppose most women like the pace to be a little slower, but they are all different. Too many expect you to be mind readers. Your plan seems good. Just be careful if she comes back. You don't want her to pull this again after you've been dating for months.
Teacher's Pet Posted July 12, 2010 Posted July 12, 2010 *sighs* If I had a dollar for every woman that did that to me.... About 3 years ago I met a great gal online. We were completely "smitten" also, and she "dumped" me after a week, saying I was "moving too fast". We didn't have sex, but we definitely steamed up my car windows a few times. Now, this is after she invited me to meet her family? And I was moving too fast?!?!? Sad thing is, she really was a great gal, and heck..she's still single now, to the best of my knowledge. Dummies, all of them. -TP nnnnnnext!
gamma1 Posted July 12, 2010 Posted July 12, 2010 It all comes dow to lack of communication. If people would just say a few words once in awhile there would be far less of these bombshells, often far deeper into relationships. I'm someone that would prefer to take the physical part much more gradually. Take it too slowly and you run the risk of her thinking you are not a "real man".
lino Posted July 12, 2010 Posted July 12, 2010 This has happened to me quite a few times though I've never met someone online so I don't know if that could have something to do with your situation at ll. Either she found someone she liked better or she went back to an ex boyfriend of hers. 5) You did something or she found something out that made her drop you. Or possibly this happened too.
fwang Posted July 12, 2010 Posted July 12, 2010 Either she found someone she liked better or she went back to an ex boyfriend of hers. That's what I thought. In my situation, I believe his ex is coming back. After he broke up with his ex 1 week later, we met. And he even joked that I took advantage of him. OMG, the more I think, the worse I feel. There are so many clues and I just chose to ignore them. I made sooooooooo many mistakes.
lino Posted July 12, 2010 Posted July 12, 2010 After he broke up with his ex 1 week later, we met. !!! In your case it was definitely not going to work out. No offense.
fwang Posted July 12, 2010 Posted July 12, 2010 !!! In your case it was definitely not going to work out. No offense. Now I see. It's a mistake, from the beginning to the end.
CaliGuy Posted July 12, 2010 Posted July 12, 2010 Sounds like all my dates. Just keep in mind women are very confused/confusing. They aren't sure what they want, but if they bail on you like that, you can be sure they don't want you. Don't fret. Just keep looking and keep your expectations in check. I do agree that moving fast is a bad idea though. Should have been at a decent pace and you both need to have your own lives. Cheers.
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