Moment of Truth

[rajesh.kumar]

Im in complete paralysed state after realising ive been cheated.

Heres my story.

Im now 35. 11 years back : My neighbours, the wife in that family who is 7 years elder to me, i would regularly comfort her with soothing and confident words for her mental grief due to her husbands harrasment(as she usually say at that time).

Shes a very cool lady, who wont express any emotions in her face in whatever circumstances, and just talk so clear and confident even when lying. She would maintain a lie once told, forever, even when proved before her(which i came to know only recently).

we had frequent phone talks which made her recover from her mental stress and even stopped taking sleeping pills.

In the 2nd year, when our talks went about her private life, there started our sexual intimacy. 5 years back, her husband left her and she sought a separate rental house (in a lonesome low-class area where no one bothers whatever happens) which i didnt like and when suggested a decent place, she denied with reason that owners question about her husband and not offering since shes separated. She even denied me from looking for a decent place.

She started her small business in a complex where she had only one neighbour who has a photostudio and no one else. That studio-guy is a school dropout, uneducated, kind of labour guy, knows only local language,married with 2 children. She used his physical labour for her work, dropping and getting her from house to shop or pick her up to somewhere, etc. (She has this clever skill to use people to her benefit). She used to say he does all the work for her without denying. She used to tell him her past sufferings, my moral support(not intimacy), and all her sufferings as a single woman. She would say to him that Im the important person in her life and then comes her daughters. (By this way, she indirectly presented all her psycology and her weaknesses to that studio-guy.)

Initially i didnt take their association seriously as, even before i raise the question, she regularly convince me that he does all work for her which she cant do alone and helping her like bringing her food or purchasing items for her shop etc. By her way of clear and convincing talk, i blindly took her words for all these years. I even helped him in his business a lot just because he was doing service to her and relieving her from physical exertion. So many times, he even dropped her in my house from her shop. I was denied/convinced from asking questions about his help and my alternate arrangements for those type of works.

I purchased her lots of household items, for her business setup etc. Everytime i go for tour or shopping, i always remember to have a list for her. Everytime i would call her and say i wish she would be with me there. I even left my job as programmer in another city, to take up my own IT services business (which is totally not upto my status and my qualification) in my hometown, just to be near her. I already left my parents and my bro and sis, to be alone.

NOT ONCE, there was an argument or fight between us.

She said 2 goals in her life :1) to get a degree 2) build a house.

I sought her admission in a university in computer science degree. I helped her to build her own house in the initial stages until loan was sanctioned. The worst part is, during construction, she didnt allow me a single time to be with her to look upon the construction activity. She was with studioguy there to carryout the entire construction. During all these days, i used to demand my presence and she would say, he is a labour and know how to extract work from people and he is staying nearby and you have to come from long distance.

There started the problem when his association lead her to ignore me. i showed my dissappointment 4-5times through unrelated arguments, when she sought help from me for the construction process. She even didnt invite me for warm-in ceremony. I myself went to be present there. Its been 2 years since she is living in her own house. She never allowed me to make surprise visits except on a specified time. I foolishly was following that till the last moment. One night, during her sleep, she murmered about him which shocked me to the extreme. I placed a spying device in her home and monitored for a month. To my extreme shock, that fellow was present in her house from 6am to 10pm and living like couples, having sex and all fun. They both not even carrying out their business actvity regularly. They spend only an hour or 2 in the evening in their shops. Whenever she wants me to come to pick her to my home, he leaves exactly 5 min before my arrival. Everytime, she used to say she had an hectic day in her business and pose as a tired person.

One fine day i revealed all of her lies and the truth, and for every proof, she cleverly managed one convincing response. If im carried away for a moment, i would believe them. But I shouted at her and i came back to city in search of a job and its 2 months now and cant concentrate on any of my activity. I didnt open my laptop for 2 months, cant watch tv even. 2nd day of my arrival, i called her and asked where is my original girl who loved me. she said that my girl would talk the next day morning. From that next day, till last week, she used to call me morning and evening and make me talk. I would talk about where i missed my part and how i missed her and my realisations. She would allow me to talk for long time and finally would say she has wasted her time talking to me. Similarly she would make me talk everyday and finally criticise and harass me and hangup the phone. She also wont forget to justify that im mistaken and nothing has happened between them and im criminal minded and that studioguy never entered her bedroom. (the spy device is placed in her bedroom and is clear. unfortunately, it is only audio proof i have). It also revealed their conversation about how to utilise me financially, as i always care for her.

Last week, i cant tolerate without seeing her and visited her house, the door was locked and they both were inside talking. He opened the door and later went out according to her instruction and i started crying that my girl has far gone. she constantly accused me of my "wrong thoughts", and ultimately my crying changed to anger and i slapped several times and left. All these time, that studioguy was listening from outside and i sensed it and went out, he ran away which compelled me to chase him, which had become an insult for her in her street.

Next day i got her to hospital and got her medicines and left her in her house and came back to city. Since then, she stopped calling me and its been a week since i talked to her. She ignores my calls now and i decided not to call anymore from today.

I want to get all her thoughts off from my mind and carryon with my life. I still cant erase her from my thoughts. Each second, even in sleep i remember her and i cant concentrate on any other activity. I talked about this to so many people and no one can put me on track of my life. I need help to recover from this.

Edited July 11, 2010 by rajesh.kumar