mystified1 Posted July 11, 2010 Posted July 11, 2010 Hi everyone. I've been a long time lurker and after going through a recent breakup I've decided to become a member! I dated this girl for 9 months. I am 22 and she is 20. This was the first serious relationship either of us had ever been in, but everything was just going so well. Three weeks ago I noticed that for the last several days she had become a bit distant, so I asked her what was up. She gave me the dreaded "we need to talk" text, and in a phone call later that night she broke up with me. This was completely out of the blue to me, so I was in absolute shock. We talked for about an hour, with me trying to pry the reasons out of her for why she was breaking up. She said she wasn't ready for a serious relationship and that she doesn't feel the butterflies in her stomach like when we first met. I asked her how long she has felt that our relationship wasn't the same, and she said it had been about a month. Why would she have me meet her parents two weeks before the breakup then? If you can't tell by the bold, this is the biggest source of my confusion. I know for a lot of people it doesn't seem like a big deal, but the father has never approved of any guy who has taken her out on a date or anything like that. And I know he ended up liking me because he told me I was a good guy, that he looked forward to seeing me soon, and that he was trying to find out something bad about me from his daughter but there was nothing bad she had to say. She also left stuff at my place over summer. If she was so unsure of things, why would she leave expensive stuff at my apartment for storage? Maybe I'm obsessing over these last two points, but something just doesn't add up. One last thing. Because of our age difference, in one year I am going to be graduating college and she is going to still have another year left. She said she said she wasn't sure about the whole long distance thing. She also said that because the relationship was her first, she feels that there would always be that feeling of "What if?" and "how do I know this is the right person if I haven't experienced any others?" A valid complaint, but I felt like everything was just so right that it did not matter. In the past few weeks I've realized that I really did love this girl. She was so special to me and just being in the same room with her made me happy. My biggest regret is not telling her that I loved her. I've been NC for three weeks now and I've felt the pain subside quite a bit, but she is still constantly on my mind. Can anyone give some advice as to why she would have her parents meet me? Or give me some advice about moving on? I feel like I just need to get on with my life and move forward, but I still think about trying to reconcile in two months when she comes to get her stuff. And I still have a distant hope that some day we will get back together. Thanks for reading my post! I look forward to the replies
106rob Posted July 11, 2010 Posted July 11, 2010 im going through a very simmerler thing now mate,out of the blue she wants to break up deverstating hope things work out for you
LucreziaBorgia Posted July 12, 2010 Posted July 12, 2010 Why would she have me meet her parents two weeks before the breakup then? She was probably at the 60/40 split in the breakup process when she took you to meet her parents - where she was still over the halfway mark of being interested in staying with you, but let me tell you - when it hits that mark, it goes down fast. Within a week it can drop to 20/80 and then the next week to 10/90 and then the breakup. It goes even faster when another person is involved. Unfortunately in most cases there is someone else involved. Why else would anyone leave a seemingly happy, stable relationship? Few people are mature enough to walk away from a relationship for the right reasons. Most stay past the emotional expiration date, and then walk away only when there is someone else waiting for them to do so, and that grass seems greener. Don't hold out for a reconciliation. I'd find a way for her to get her stuff without you having to be there. Her leaving her stuff is probably a matter of convenience and saving the cost of storing it herself.
skydiveaddict Posted July 12, 2010 Posted July 12, 2010 im going through a very simmerler thing now mate,out of the blue she wants to break up deverstating hope things work out for you same thing happened to me. One day poof! she was gone no reason no talking no explanation, just gone.
Author mystified1 Posted July 12, 2010 Author Posted July 12, 2010 Hey everyone. Thank you for the replies (and keep 'em comin)! 106rob - I appreciate your reply. While I wouldn't wish upon my worst enemy to feel what I've been going through recently, it helps to know that I am not the only one experiencing this! Best of luck to you as well. LucreziaBorgia - I guess your explanation kind of makes sense. It's just so disheartening to hear it! Hah. And knowing this girl, I really do not think she found someone else. I don't want to sound like THAT GUY, the one who is either blind or in complete denial, but it just would not add up. I will try not to hold out for hope on the reconciliation, but it is going to be hard . I just need to do my best to move on with life... but it's hard when someone has been such a big part of your heart for so long.
jenifer1972 Posted July 13, 2010 Posted July 13, 2010 I think Lucrezia has nailed it. She was 'committed' to the parent meeting thing, but hanging on the fence, and then she tipped over the other side. Who knows - it's even possible that she dropped you BECAUSE her parents LIKED you! I however would also tell you not to hold out too much hope. The "loss of butterflies" and essentially wanting to date other men doesn't speak of someone deeply in love. Someone in love sounds more the way you do. You sound like a great guy. I think you should keep in mind that extremely few relationships that start at age 22 are very good at 50. Most have gone way past their expiration date by then sorry to say. So though you can't see it now, this likely is a good thing. Don't hold too tightly to any relationships in your twenties. Everyone is flailing around trying to figure life out and generally making a jolly good mess of things.!
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