BrianG Posted July 11, 2010 Posted July 11, 2010 Hello Everyone, Something has been bothering me for the past month or so and needed to get it off my chest and get some input. Brief History: Was with this girl for 5 years, lived together 6 months, and she dumped and left me. I was devastated when she left me because I loved her and she was my best friend. Fast forward: its been over two years now and we haven't spoken in over a year and change. So recently she sends me a fb request, which I ignore. She then sends me a message saying "What?! you rejected me as a friend." First of all, we were together 5 years and shared a lot of memories and her attempt at starting a friendship is a fb request!! Anyways, so I write back basically saying that we couldn't be friends and that I hope all is well with her and her family. She never wrote anything back and its been bothering me ever since. Part of me feels that I would rather have her in my life as a friend then nothing at all. I would like to know how her life is going, etc. But, the other part of me knows that its probably not best for my own well being because I love the girl. I have accepted that our relationship is over and I have moved on with a wonderful girl. But she was my best friend and I do truly care about her. She left me and I do not feel that she is entitled to know whats been going on with my life. We don't talk, wish happy bdays, xmas, etc. so we are not friends and I don't want the type of friendship where we talk once a year about general bs, etc. I am conflicted, I care about her and would like to be friends, but I also know that it would most likely hurt me. Am I being immature by not being her friend considering I am over the relationship and have moved on? I think I know the answer just need some advice and/or input. Thanks
USMCHokie Posted July 11, 2010 Posted July 11, 2010 So recently she sends me a fb request, which I ignore. She then sends me a message saying "What?! you rejected me as a friend." First of all, we were together 5 years and shared a lot of memories and her attempt at starting a friendship is a fb request!! Anyways, so I write back basically saying that we couldn't be friends and that I hope all is well with her and her family. FTW.
spriggig Posted July 11, 2010 Posted July 11, 2010 I think what Chokie is saying is what I want to say. You needed to stop your post right at that point: Anyways, so I write back basically saying that we couldn't be friends and that I hope all is well with her and her family. Because this part is wrong: Part of me feels that I would rather have her in my life as a friend then nothing at all. It's obvious you haven't completely moved on, even if you think you should have by now. If you left the ex behind but left her up on her pedestal, that could be why you're so tempted to reconnect with her now. Here is a little exercise for you: List five things about her you don't like. I hope I am just confirming what you already know.
Enchanted Girl Posted July 11, 2010 Posted July 11, 2010 I agree. You have a new girl in your life and need to move on with this new girl. You still have feelings for your ex and those feelings are only going to become more intense if you become friends with her. You don't want to go through all that pain again and potentially lose your current girlfriend over your conflicted feelings.
HeavenOrHell Posted July 11, 2010 Posted July 11, 2010 If you know it would likely hurt you then don't do it. That's not being immature, it's being sensible and realistic
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