John991 Posted July 11, 2010 Posted July 11, 2010 Hi I am going through a really bad divorce at the moment. My ex wants to gain full custody of the kids. A few of my friends who have been through divorces are saying there is no point going through the courts as they always side with the mother. Is this true? How can I increase my chances of seeing my kids?
tank Posted July 11, 2010 Posted July 11, 2010 Times hve changed. More and more fathers are winning custody battles. Thankfully I didnt have such an issue as my wife left. I got the 4 children. Is there any chance of working out a separation agreement between the 2 of you without going to court? If you have to go to court, ask for shared custody. Chances of you getting sole custody are very slim. With shared custody, you will have the children 1/2 the time and so will she. You are both equal partners in the parenting of your children. I would advise you to get legal advise and document everything that happens just to protect yourself. Really control your own emotions right now. She will use what you say and do against you. Moms win so much cause lets face it, us men cant seem to control those things and we look bad when they are presented to court. I wish you the best of luck. Stay strong.
wrencn Posted July 11, 2010 Posted July 11, 2010 Can you give us more info? How old are the children? Do you live with them? If not did you move out or did your wife move and take them? Does your wife work or is she a stay at home mom? Why are you getting a divorce?
hopesndreams Posted July 11, 2010 Posted July 11, 2010 Hi I am going through a really bad divorce at the moment. My ex wants to gain full custody of the kids. A few of my friends who have been through divorces are saying there is no point going through the courts as they always side with the mother. Is this true? How can I increase my chances of seeing my kids? If you don't ask, you don't get. Whether you ask through the courts or from the compassion (?) of your stbxw.
habs53 Posted July 11, 2010 Posted July 11, 2010 Hi I am going through a really bad divorce at the moment. My ex wants to gain full custody of the kids. A few of my friends who have been through divorces are saying there is no point going through the courts as they always side with the mother. Is this true? How can I increase my chances of seeing my kids? Not true at all anymore. As said above, 50/50 is likely. If you have done your fair share with the children, there is no reason for this not to happen. Many woman asume that is a given, they are so wrong. Only 10 percent of men fight for full custody. 8/10 they win. That is fact. Dont let this woman push you around.
sally4sara Posted July 11, 2010 Posted July 11, 2010 Not true at all anymore. As said above, 50/50 is likely. If you have done your fair share with the children, there is no reason for this not to happen. Many woman asume that is a given, they are so wrong. Only 10 percent of men fight for full custody. 8/10 they win. That is fact. Dont let this woman push you around. Absolutely! Most of the guys I've known who bemoan not having at least shared custody, admit they didn't bother going for it (because the BELIEVED it would be denied to them) when custody was being decided. Make sure you know the different kinds of custody; the difference between physical and legal custody. And remember that you've been a part of your kid's life for as long as they've existed. Maybe you won't get everything you want concerning custody. Hell! Maybe you're not cut out for it for all I know. But really, don't just roll over and let whatever happen just happen. Do you really want to have to explain one day to your adult children why you didn't at least put in the effort? Do you really want your only honest reply to be "I didn't think I had a shot at getting it and didn't bother to find out"?
habs53 Posted July 11, 2010 Posted July 11, 2010 Ever since my ex left we have been doing 50/50. I watch him in the day time when she is working. I keep track of everything including appointments for him. In other words, i do more for him than she. I drive, she doesnt. This all adds up in a court room. She had best not pull this on me, she may be very dissapointed with the results. Best of all, my son chooses me.
spriggig Posted July 11, 2010 Posted July 11, 2010 My STBXW is a lousy wife (cheated) but a very good mother, which was part of the reason I married her. I've agreed to her having primary custody with me getting 128 days/year, which is almost 50/50. That's what the papers will say. What we actually end up doing is entirely up to us, as long as we agree. (I realize I'm giving up the tax break in this agreement.) OP needs to fight for his kids. Lawyers know stuff, talk to them.
phineas Posted July 12, 2010 Posted July 12, 2010 50/50. ask for no less than joint legal & joint psyical custody. If you don't you will be sorry. She probably views shareing the kids equally as you taking them away from her. Mine did. Her lawyers kept "accidently" leaving certain aspects of shared custody off the divorce papers essentially giving her full custody & me visitation. OH how she got pissed every time I made her change it to 50/50.
Corporate Posted July 13, 2010 Posted July 13, 2010 Hi I am going through a really bad divorce at the moment. My ex wants to gain full custody of the kids. A few of my friends who have been through divorces are saying there is no point going through the courts as they always side with the mother. Is this true? How can I increase my chances of seeing my kids? Why the divorce? Did you cheat?
Eeyore79 Posted July 13, 2010 Posted July 13, 2010 I can understand why any man would want shared custody of his kids, but I can't really understand why he would go for sole custody unless the mother is an unfit parent. Surely the father asking for sole custody is exactly the same as the mother wanting sole custody, which you all seem to agree is unfair? Well it's equally unfair for a father to deprive his kids of their mother as it is for the mother to do vice versa. Anyone who isn't reasonable about shared custody is being selfish and is not doing the best for their kids - kids want and need both of their parents, and it's selfish to try to deprive them of that just because you don't love your ex any more.
habs53 Posted July 13, 2010 Posted July 13, 2010 I can understand why any man would want shared custody of his kids, but I can't really understand why he would go for sole custody unless the mother is an unfit parent. Surely the father asking for sole custody is exactly the same as the mother wanting sole custody, which you all seem to agree is unfair? Well it's equally unfair for a father to deprive his kids of their mother as it is for the mother to do vice versa. Anyone who isn't reasonable about shared custody is being selfish and is not doing the best for their kids - kids want and need both of their parents, and it's selfish to try to deprive them of that just because you don't love your ex any more. I agree with this 100 per cent
Author John991 Posted July 15, 2010 Author Posted July 15, 2010 Thanks everybody for your wonderful advice. I am going to go for shared custody. Over the last few days my ex and I have talked about things and I am going to be forward for shared custody. You have all been great. Can anyone recommend some good sites which will help me to plan for my new life as a divorced father?
habs53 Posted July 15, 2010 Posted July 15, 2010 Thanks everybody for your wonderful advice. I am going to go for shared custody. Over the last few days my ex and I have talked about things and I am going to be forward for shared custody. You have all been great. Can anyone recommend some good sites which will help me to plan for my new life as a divorced father? Good news, im glad you decided this. As for recomending a site, you are on the best right now.
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