Gero Posted July 10, 2010 Posted July 10, 2010 Many of the so called experts on dating say that "nice guys" don't do well with women in most cases because they don't get women "all amped" up or whatever. All everyone talks about with dating is being sexually drawn to this person or that person. So how does dating work when you meet someone who is waiting until marriage? I don't see the point in getting someone all hot and bothered if there is no chance of getting any, so how do you approach dating in this situation? I know it's a foreign concept these days because all everyone worries about is sex, but I'm sure someone on these boards knows one person that is waiting until marriage. So, how do things work when dating someone like this?
bac Posted July 10, 2010 Posted July 10, 2010 From what I know, the people are doing some sexual things which are not penetration. What are the things depends on girl's views. Also, it takes time to slowly seduce her into doing sexual things. Finally, in about 1 yr, a guy might want to get married her if he loves her.
fishtaco Posted July 11, 2010 Posted July 11, 2010 Well, there are "technical virgins" out there. I think the "experts" meant appeal to their emotional side, as opposed to their logical side. I'm good for you because I can take care of these things for you and make your life easier, blah blah. That's nice, but if that's all there is, then you're BFF material. I've heard this quote somewhere. Paraphrasing. You want to be narcotics, not medicine. You take medicine because you need it, it's good for you, but no one like to take it. You're not supposed to use narcotics and in fact it has no beneficial effects for you, but you use it anyway. Natural extension of that emotion = sex. Sex is not the goal. Prostitutes are much easier, cheaper, and much less drama if that were the case. Sex is an indication you're on the right path, because if you're in the friendzone, she's not going to have sex with you. As for no sex till marriage, I stay away from women like that. Not just because of the lack of sex, but I don't get along with the ultra conservative/traditional/religious people. That's my take on things anyway.
Green Posted July 11, 2010 Posted July 11, 2010 Most people who claim to be virgins are not. Some times they have never had a penis in their vagina... but they often get naked, give hand jobs/blow jobs and things that no one knew existed like ear jobs. A lot of time the STRICT virgin couples don't date that long. They marry young and quick. You know so they can have sex. I once date a girl who said she was waiting for mariage. I told her I wasn't waiting for mariage and well... we kept dating and ended up having sex.
lso802 Posted July 11, 2010 Posted July 11, 2010 now i understand why my ex and i only lasted a year. j/k i would have to be attracted to someone in that way to date them. i can wait till marriage. not a big deal for me really.
Author Gero Posted July 11, 2010 Author Posted July 11, 2010 Most people who claim to be virgins are not. Some times they have never had a penis in their vagina... but they often get naked, give hand jobs/blow jobs and things that no one knew existed like ear jobs. A lot of time the STRICT virgin couples don't date that long. They marry young and quick. You know so they can have sex. I once date a girl who said she was waiting for mariage. I told her I wasn't waiting for mariage and well... we kept dating and ended up having sex. I never asked this girl every little detail of her past, but she admitted to me that she was a virgin and that it was really hard for her to admit that because most people these days don't go for the waiting until marriage thing. She also said that she suspected that it's what caused her engagement not to work out a few years ago. I don't want to wait until marriage, but I really wouldn't mind waiting for this one. I just hope things work out. I sorta scared her off by coming on too strong too fast and now things are sorta complicated.
Green Posted July 11, 2010 Posted July 11, 2010 I never asked this girl every little detail of her past, but she admitted to me that she was a virgin and that it was really hard for her to admit that because most people these days don't go for the waiting until marriage thing. She also said that she suspected that it's what caused her engagement not to work out a few years ago. I don't want to wait until marriage, but I really wouldn't mind waiting for this one. I just hope things work out. I sorta scared her off by coming on too strong too fast and now things are sorta complicated. If I were you I would just be honest with her. Tell her you want to continue seeing her but that it was never your intention to wait until mariage before having sex. Once you are more comfortable just ask her if she gets naked, or if she gives BJ's. If you scared her off oh well, but don't give up on her just yet.
Author Gero Posted July 11, 2010 Author Posted July 11, 2010 grow a pair of balls. I thought you were a girl in my thread I made yesterday...christ. Thank you. I really appreciate that. If I were you I would just be honest with her. Tell her you want to continue seeing her but that it was never your intention to wait until mariage before having sex. Once you are more comfortable just ask her if she gets naked, or if she gives BJ's. If you scared her off oh well, but don't give up on her just yet. To be honest, I don't think about sex a great deal. It's not a big deal and I wouldn't want to pressure her into something. By scared her off, I mean that she felt awkward talking about some of the stuff that we were talking about being that we have only known each other a few weeks and told me to call her when I was over my issues. Obviously I have issues with confidence, self-esteem, depression and social anxiety. She wasn't rude when she said not to call her because we exchanged a few more texts after that and things were okay. Regardless, I don't want to give up on this one, but I don't know where to go next.
Lovelybird Posted July 11, 2010 Posted July 11, 2010 If a man asks me for a bj before marriage, I would be pissed off, and he would be history
Green Posted July 11, 2010 Posted July 11, 2010 Well just try something, and if it doesn't work out learn from your mistakes. The last time I was single it took over a year to find a new gf. I got rejected by countless women. Went on dates with about 6 different women over the course of a year before finding a girl I LIKED and who LIKED ME BACK. Just learn from your mistakes and ENJOY this uncertain time in the relationship. Have fun with the fact that SHE DOESN'T KNOW YOU and that she is a MYSTERY to you.
Green Posted July 11, 2010 Posted July 11, 2010 If a man asks me for a bj before marriage, I would be pissed off, and he would be history I didn't tell him to ask, I said he should ask if she has ever done that. BIG DIFFERENCE
Lovelybird Posted July 11, 2010 Posted July 11, 2010 May as well....after marriage you won't even get a titty rub. after marriage he can ask of anything, well, almost anything
Author Gero Posted July 11, 2010 Author Posted July 11, 2010 Well just try something, and if it doesn't work out learn from your mistakes. The last time I was single it took over a year to find a new gf. I got rejected by countless women. Went on dates with about 6 different women over the course of a year before finding a girl I LIKED and who LIKED ME BACK. Just learn from your mistakes and ENJOY this uncertain time in the relationship. Have fun with the fact that SHE DOESN'T KNOW YOU and that she is a MYSTERY to you. Well, I haven't contacted her since the whole thing went down a few days ago. I really don't know when I should call her again. I was going to take some time to reflect on things and probably wait until I get a job again before calling her again. I really don't know what to do, but I do know that I don't want to give up.
Lovelybird Posted July 11, 2010 Posted July 11, 2010 Thank you. I really appreciate that. To be honest, I don't think about sex a great deal. It's not a big deal and I wouldn't want to pressure her into something. By scared her off, I mean that she felt awkward talking about some of the stuff that we were talking about being that we have only known each other a few weeks and told me to call her when I was over my issues. Obviously I have issues with confidence, self-esteem, depression and social anxiety. She wasn't rude when she said not to call her because we exchanged a few more texts after that and things were okay. Regardless, I don't want to give up on this one, but I don't know where to go next. Most of time I would agree with the idea that people should be upfront and honest with each other. But on the other side, we women like to feel safe with our man, would like our man more stronger than us, and have his most issues worked out, or knowing how to work out his issues and on his way. Otherwise we, or some of us, would feel not safe enough.
Green Posted July 11, 2010 Posted July 11, 2010 Well, I haven't contacted her since the whole thing went down a few days ago. I really don't know when I should call her again. I was going to take some time to reflect on things and probably wait until I get a job again before calling her again. I really don't know what to do, but I do know that I don't want to give up. My advice is Call her TODAY. Invite her to do something free if you have no money now. Like take her for a walk in the park and maybe bring along some peanut butter and jelly sandwiches... Just call her and invite her to do something.
Author Gero Posted July 11, 2010 Author Posted July 11, 2010 Most of time I would agree with the idea that people should be upfront and honest with each other. But on the other side, we women like to feel safe with our man, would like our man more stronger than us, and have his most issues worked out, or knowing how to work out his issues and on his way. Otherwise we, or some of us, would feel not safe enough. Which is why I do think that she really likes me but can't have confidence in me if I don't show confidence in myself. Being that she has been hurt in the past just makes it worse. I want to get over my stuff and be there for her in every way, but it's tough sometimes. That's what I am struggling with I guess.
Author Gero Posted July 11, 2010 Author Posted July 11, 2010 My advice is Call her TODAY. Invite her to do something free if you have no money now. Like take her for a walk in the park and maybe bring along some peanut butter and jelly sandwiches... Just call her and invite her to do something. I have money saved up and she has no problem paying at least her share even though I told her I would rather pay. Do you really think that I should call her? I wonder if she will take me seriously if I call her too quickly after she told me to get over my issues. I'm confused.
Green Posted July 11, 2010 Posted July 11, 2010 I have money saved up and she has no problem paying at least her share even though I told her I would rather pay. Do you really think that I should call her? I wonder if she will take me seriously if I call her too quickly after she told me to get over my issues. I'm confused. just call her and don't talk about your issues. She isn't your counsler. Just keep your issues to yourself... If you don't call her you have a good chance of losing her.
Author Gero Posted July 11, 2010 Author Posted July 11, 2010 just call her and don't talk about your issues. She isn't your counsler. Just keep your issues to yourself... If you don't call her you have a good chance of losing her. I see what you are saying, but I don't really know how to address the subject. I feel like I would have to say something and I am sure that she would ask me something about it or whatever. What would I say in that situation? Sorry for asking for so much help and advice here.
aerogurl87 Posted July 11, 2010 Posted July 11, 2010 I was one of those girls who was hell bent on waiting for marriage till I lost my virginity. Then I met my ex who convinced me he was going to marry me in the next year or two, thought well it'll happen sooner or later with him anyway, and did the deed. Here I am two years later wishing I'd waited to lose it to my current boyfriend, but that's life, you live and you learn.
Author Gero Posted July 11, 2010 Author Posted July 11, 2010 I was one of those girls who was hell bent on waiting for marriage till I lost my virginity. Then I met my ex who convinced me he was going to marry me in the next year or two, thought well it'll happen sooner or later with him anyway, and did the deed. Here I am two years later wishing I'd waited to lose it to my current boyfriend, but that's life, you live and you learn. Were you waiting for religious reasons or just personal beliefs?
jakinbandw Posted July 11, 2010 Posted July 11, 2010 As a guy I am a technical virgin waiting till marriage to have sexual intercourse. My girlfriends are both very supportive, so I guess I am pretty lucky. I would say respect the wishes of your partner, but also don't let that stop you from trying new things. Just when they ask you to stop, stop. Also you can score a lot of brownie points by stopping when the both of you get hot and heavy and keeping a cool head. It will show her that you care about what she wants, not just what you want.
fishtaco Posted July 11, 2010 Posted July 11, 2010 As a guy I am a technical virgin waiting till marriage to have sexual intercourse. My girlfriends are both very supportive, so I guess I am pretty lucky. I would say respect the wishes of your partner, but also don't let that stop you from trying new things. Just when they ask you to stop, stop. Also you can score a lot of brownie points by stopping when the both of you get hot and heavy and keeping a cool head. It will show her that you care about what she wants, not just what you want. I don't think you know what technical virgin means. Technical virgins are girls that take it up the butt because intact hymen = virginity.
Diezel Posted July 11, 2010 Posted July 11, 2010 This is my opinion on dating a virgin holding out until marriage: No.
Els Posted July 11, 2010 Posted July 11, 2010 OP, I don't quite get what you're trying to learn here. You said she told you to work on your issues and then call her. None of those issues that you listed (anxiety, depression etc) seem to have anything to do with sex before marriage...? As a general response to your original question, I think attraction works in different ways for different people. If sex was involved it MAY be part of the attraction, but also may not be, or at least not directly so.
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