amymarieca Posted July 10, 2010 Posted July 10, 2010 This topic is about bringing guy friends as dates to weddings. I went to a wedding last summer and asked a guy friend of mine to be my date. We've been friends for years. He agreed to go and even said he was looking forward to it. A few days before the wedding, I called him to discuss the details, like where it is, who is picking who up, etc. He never even called me back. He completely blew me off and never showed up to the wedding. After the wedding he never called to apologize. I still don't know why he did it, and I haven't talked to him since! Now to make things worse, the same thing has happened to me again this year. I asked one of my best guy friends to be a date. He said he'd let me know if he can go or not. Then a few weeks after asking him, I still hadn't heard anything, so I called him again and told him that I had to mail the RSVP, so I needed to know soon. He agreed to let me know by then. I never heard back about it. We've talked several times since then, and he has never brought it up. I feel awkward saying something. I didn't even get a simple yes or no! So my question is, am I coming on too strong when I ask a guy to be my date to a wedding even though I've known him for years? I really am confused as to why this seems to be becoming a pattern and it must be something I am doing wrong. Any insight is appreciated!
xpaperxcutx Posted July 10, 2010 Posted July 10, 2010 Is a wedding date considered a " date" date? Most of my girlfriends who go to weddings usually bring their SO or the person they're currently in a relationship with. Basically a wedding is like meeting the parents but the extended relatives as well. Maybe your guy friends felt intimidated? Did you explain to them that it's only for a wedding or maybe they got the impression that you wanted to date them?
Author amymarieca Posted July 10, 2010 Author Posted July 10, 2010 Is a wedding date considered a " date" date? Most of my girlfriends who go to weddings usually bring their SO or the person they're currently in a relationship with. Basically a wedding is like meeting the parents but the extended relatives as well. Maybe your guy friends felt intimidated? Did you explain to them that it's only for a wedding or maybe they got the impression that you wanted to date them? When I asked both of them I specified that it would be just as friends.
threebyfate Posted July 10, 2010 Posted July 10, 2010 There are a lot of guys who dislike weddings due to the pomp and ceremony, especially if they don't know anyone at the wedding. Consider it from the average guy's perspective: Uncomfortable monkey suit.Meeting myriads of people you normally wouldn't be interested in interacting with, where you have to be on your best behaviour.It's possible she says just friends but wants more.Why not bring a female friend?
Author amymarieca Posted July 10, 2010 Author Posted July 10, 2010 How old are you and your guy friends ? I am 29 and the guys are both 30 years old.
Author amymarieca Posted July 10, 2010 Author Posted July 10, 2010 There are a lot of guys who dislike weddings due to the pomp and ceremony, especially if they don't know anyone at the wedding. Consider it from the average guy's perspective: Uncomfortable monkey suit.Meeting myriads of people you normally wouldn't be interested in interacting with, where you have to be on your best behaviour.It's possible she says just friends but wants more. Why not bring a female friend? I can understand what you are saying. I myself don't like socially awkward situations either. The thing that bothers me is that the second guy is one of my best friends. There have been several occasions where I have gone out of my way to do something nice for him. An example of that would be he asked me to fly from Toronto to Winnipeg to see him when he had to work there for a year, and I agreed. It was expensive, but in my mind was worth it to spend the time with him. Now he only lives an hour away and can't go out of his way to do something for me. To me, that's very disappointing that he couldn't even give me an answer when given an invitation!
threebyfate Posted July 10, 2010 Posted July 10, 2010 I can understand what you are saying. I myself don't like socially awkward situations either. The thing that bothers me is that the second guy is one of my best friends. There have been several occasions where I have gone out of my way to do something nice for him. An example of that would be he asked me to fly from Toronto to Winnipeg to see him when he had to work there for a year, and I agreed. It was expensive, but in my mind was worth it to spend the time with him. Now he only lives an hour away and can't go out of his way to do something for me. To me, that's very disappointing that he couldn't even give me an answer when given an invitation!This is a shame and worth examining your differences in what friendship entails. This guy friend appears to believe it's a one-way street. Recently I went through this with a friend (not close though) who's selfish. Didn't realize how selfish until push came to shove. I'm glad to be rid of her version of friendship.
Author amymarieca Posted July 10, 2010 Author Posted July 10, 2010 This is a shame and worth examining your differences in what friendship entails. This guy friend appears to believe it's a one-way street. Recently I went through this with a friend (not close though) who's selfish. Didn't realize how selfish until push came to shove. I'm glad to be rid of her version of friendship. You are right. This speaks highly of our friendship and maybe I really need to consider the fact that he is selfish. It sucks because I always viewed him as this great guy until I asked him to do something special for me.
fishtaco Posted July 11, 2010 Posted July 11, 2010 Some people are flaky. I have a friend that every single time he sees me, he talks about how we should jam together and do some music projects together, and a few times we'd go as far as setup a time. But it never happens. He's not a bad guy, he's just stuck up his girlfriends butt. Which is fine, then don't make plans with other people that you don't plan on keeping. So in return I don't take him seriously and I don't feel bad when I flake on him. During my single times, I'd go to friend's weddings, company parties... etc, on my own. There's no need to bring a date, especially a "friend date", which to me is pointless. If you're not going to develop romance, why bother with a date? I do friends stuff with friends, date stuff with potential romance partners. But that's just me.
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