robdrm32 Posted July 10, 2010 Posted July 10, 2010 I'm not seeing anyone at the moment but i'm wondering, when i do start to should I be the one to initiate the "what are we" talk? I'm a guy and in the past i've been the one who initiate it and ask the girl out. I'm just wondering if this puts me at a disadvantage or what. On one hand by not initiating that talk I feel like it will allow me to gauge the girls intentions and make her wonder a little, but on the other if i go a while without being the one to make it official i feel she may be put off and think i lack confidence to ask her out. perspectives please...
that girl Posted July 10, 2010 Posted July 10, 2010 You're right, most of the time it is the girl who starts that talk. I think a lot of guys get used to waiting for the woman to initate that talk, even if they already feel things are somewhat serious. Normally, it is fine to wait, but I do have a cautionary tale. A friend of mine was dating a guy she was crazy about, but they met online so she was getting regular messages from other guys. She wasn't sleeping with anyone else, but since they'd never talked about exclusivity, she would occassionally go on dates. Two to three months in, the guy found this out and was totally heartbroken so he dumped her. Meanwhile, she was kind of shocked by the whole thing because she'd assumed he was doing the same and that was why she was keeping her options open. They did end up getting back together a few months later, but the guy could have saved himself a lot of drama if he'd been more upfront about wanting to be exclusive rather than just assuming. The girl actually would have gone for exclusivity a week in (though I think that is too soon to ask) because she liked him so much, but as long as he didn't say anything she figured he wasn't ready. A bit of a long story, but I think when you want to be exclusive, you should say it.
Author robdrm32 Posted July 11, 2010 Author Posted July 11, 2010 I think in that case there was a lack of communication on both sides, but i get the point of it, there is a risk in not addressing it. for me once I start the dating process, its pretty much exclusive for me, I just don't like to juggle, but i know not everyone has the same approach. My thinking is if I let the girl bring up the exclusivity talk that will show me her intentions are good and that she actually cares. because if we are going out alot and kissing, being affectionate etc. and shes doing the same with another guy, just because we didn't have "the talk" its more than likely going to be a deal breaker.
CLC2008 Posted July 11, 2010 Posted July 11, 2010 My perspective is that if you bring it up, and she says no, isn't the same as if you found out she was doing this?: because if we are going out alot and kissing, being affectionate etc. and shes doing the same with another guy, just because we didn't have "the talk" its more than likely going to be a deal breaker. So, if it's on your mind, wouldn't you feel better knowing she was on a similiar page as you? Assuming things in this day and age, is risky, I'd personally feel better knowing that we were both thinking along the same lines.
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