ihateusernames Posted July 10, 2010 Posted July 10, 2010 Long story short - she betrayed me several times, lied to my face for years, then deserted me and the kids. Ten years of marriage and hard work at that marriage by me, turned out to be fairly pointless. Its been about 9 months now that the kids and I have been on our own. As a single father I am doing okay, and my kids are doing okay (better than me in fact). As a person I am functioning okay, I work, I do my chores, I smile as I can. It is the betrayal of trust and loyalties that still wrenches at my heart and soul. At 49 years of age I now accept that I may never trust or love again, I accept that the life my kids and I now live is different. But what I want to know is, when will I just forget? That is really all I want now - to just forget.
worlybear Posted July 10, 2010 Posted July 10, 2010 You won't forget. BUT you will slowly begin to move on. It's taken me at least 18 months to start living again. To start with there will be c**** days and even c*****er ones and then just when it all seems unbearable and hopeless you get a decent day and you say to yourself, hey I can do this and life isn't all bad all the time. Just had a really rubbish week myself and then today, out of the blue I had a really good day- had fun with my daughter at her school fair and then went out and had a really good evening with a new bunch of people. A year ago I was emotionally destroyed by my H and his actions- now I am beginning to pick my life up and make it better. It's not easy and I do still have lousy days but at least now I get the occasional glimmer of brightness and I smile again:D
spriggig Posted July 11, 2010 Posted July 11, 2010 Just watch "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" to understand why you don't want to forget. Forgetting is not the point, learning is. You can take lessons from the ten years of marriage and become a better person--you don't want to forget, you want to learn. Forget and you'll do it all again. Learn and you'll do it much better next time. And, more importantly, you can teach your kids when they are older. My dad is 83 and was married to the same woman for his whole life. They weren't happy, but they were content. When I told him about my cheating wife and pending divorce he had no reference beyond popular culture. I've learned so much about keeping a relationship strong and happy, things I never would have learned, a path I never would have traveled if this hadn't happened. I can't start over but I can start a new future.
Author ihateusernames Posted July 18, 2010 Author Posted July 18, 2010 Just watch "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" to understand why you don't want to forget. Forgetting is not the point, learning is. You can take lessons from the ten years of marriage and become a better person--you don't want to forget, you want to learn. Forget and you'll do it all again. Learn and you'll do it much better next time. And, more importantly, you can teach your kids when they are older. Maybe? ****ed if I feel that way about it though. Commitment, effort, communication - its all worth ****. And in the end you just feel like its all simple - you're just not good enough!
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