moxo Posted July 10, 2010 Posted July 10, 2010 I'm not sure if it just me, but it seems the majority of my friends are just uncaring and unreliable. They rarely make plans with me, and then when they do, a lot of the time they change the plans or cancel them altogether because it doesn't work for them. I understand people are busy, but it seems to be really frequent and I'm starting to get sick of it. I want to confront these people but I really hate confrontation. I go out of my way with my friends to be there for them, and to accommodate them. My mother says I'm a doormat. All I want is for my friends to treat me the same way. And they really don't see what they do wrong and I don't want to have to tell them. I'm getting to the point now where I just dont' want to answer my phone if they ring. And I know its childish but I want them to feel let down and frustrated like I do all the time! I'm starting to spend more and more time with my boyfriend because I know he doesn't let me down, and is reliable, but I don't want to be the girl who only hangs out with her boyfriend, I want girlfriends, I just want reliable ones who treat me the same as I treat them. Am I expecting too much, or do I need new friends?
rocket182 Posted July 11, 2010 Posted July 11, 2010 I'm not sure if it just me, but it seems the majority of my friends are just uncaring and unreliable. They rarely make plans with me, and then when they do, a lot of the time they change the plans or cancel them altogether because it doesn't work for them. I understand people are busy, but it seems to be really frequent and I'm starting to get sick of it. I want to confront these people but I really hate confrontation. I go out of my way with my friends to be there for them, and to accommodate them. My mother says I'm a doormat. All I want is for my friends to treat me the same way. And they really don't see what they do wrong and I don't want to have to tell them. I'm getting to the point now where I just dont' want to answer my phone if they ring. And I know its childish but I want them to feel let down and frustrated like I do all the time! I'm starting to spend more and more time with my boyfriend because I know he doesn't let me down, and is reliable, but I don't want to be the girl who only hangs out with her boyfriend, I want girlfriends, I just want reliable ones who treat me the same as I treat them. Am I expecting too much, or do I need new friends? I know EXACTLY how you feel. I've been having this problem for a while, but until about a month ago I lived with one of my friends so I tried to ignore it because I had someone who lived with me to hang out with. Now I live with my boyfriend and my friend I used to live with is really flakey and won't hangout. She even ditched out of the wake after my mothers funeral (who she knew very well). You are not being childish or unreasonable at all in my opinion. I ignore a lot of peoples calls/texts because it's frustrating to talk to someone who you feel isn't really a friend. I wouldn't say to tell all your friends to go to hell or anything, but maybe just start to try and make some new friends. Even if it's just people over message boards at first, that's a good start :] 1
carhill Posted July 11, 2010 Posted July 11, 2010 Your 'friends' are who they are. If that's not working for you, accept it and move on. If you want to communicate boundaries, do so. 'I never heard back from you like you indicated so am reluctant to make future plans. I need friends who are reliable'. Listen. Remember, you don't 'owe' anyone anything. Everything you 'give' is completely voluntary. There is *always* a choice. Choose wisely
Brady_to_Moss Posted July 11, 2010 Posted July 11, 2010 Not one of my friends is reliable. I am the one who always have to contact them and its quite sad really. The girls that i am friends with will contact me, but none of the guys do. F them.
blueyedgrl85 Posted July 11, 2010 Posted July 11, 2010 Some people can be very selfish and just take take take. If you give, then do it out of the kindess of your heart. If you always expect something in return, you will almost always be disappointed. It might be beneficial to slowly distance yourself away from your friends and join an organization, church, or other place that helps others because then your generosity will be appreciated. You are a kind, caring soul which is very rare in this world today- don't let those selfish vultures bring you down! Take care!
BubbleFreak Posted July 12, 2010 Posted July 12, 2010 There was a time I used to feel this way too. I got sick of it, so I told my friends how I felt. From their reactions I found out who were my real and better friends. One of them, who I would count as a best friend, just didn't realise she was doing anything wrong as she was so caught up with her own life. I guess it gave us a chance to learn more about each other's lives and our friendship grew stronger from it.
Thx Posted July 14, 2010 Posted July 14, 2010 Hi folks, first post here. Yeah Moxo, I get that too. So much so I have ended a few friendships and distanced myself from others. It seems if I didn't correspond there wouldn't be any at all. (These are old friends from HS, my old rock band.) We hadn't talked for about 30 years and I guess I did a lot of catching up and they reciprocated to a degree for awhile. I know people are too lazy to write, so I would call about once every two weeks or so. One guy, the drummer would always say "hey, can I call you back in 5 minutes?" then never call. The bass player started having his wife answer the phone saying he isn't there. I got tired of being treated like a second-class citizen and ended the friendship with the bass player and haven't contacted the drummer for two years. And it hurts, but what hurt more was being neglected/rejected on a continuous basis. No longer am I checking my e-mail in anticipation only to be let down. It's better this way than trying to climb the greasy pole and get my shlub friends to straighten up. Thx 1
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