BubbleFreak Posted July 10, 2010 Posted July 10, 2010 So I have already said that I have problems with saying socially appropriate things, and it's unintentional when/if I offend someone. I learnt from my past mistake of making fun insulting jokes to a friend (who was ok with the joke but his gf wasn't) on FB as other people can be affected. This time around, with another friend, I tried to give a compliment and I failed again. I was at work and busy, and a friend I hadn't seen in a while said hi to me and wanted to chat. He was there with a girl (could've been girlfriend or just friend I don't know) and I hadn't met her before. I was busy so I was a bit anti-social and didn't say much. Later on I posted on his FB "Sorry I was a bit antisocial earlier, couldn't really chat because it was busy, but hope all is going well for you. Oh btw I thought the girl you were with was really pretty." Anyways, he deleted the message and didn't reply to me, but I can see he has continued conversations with other people that posted before and after me. And I'm wondering, did I offend someone yet again without even realising?!
Ronni_W Posted July 10, 2010 Posted July 10, 2010 Hey BF. No, you don't sound socially "retarded". In the first case, it could have been that the guy's g/f didn't get your sense of humour or didn't like that you and he were close enough for you to make that type of comment without him feeling offended. Or whatever. He was fine with it, and he is the one to whom you addressed your comment. It wasn't her business. This time around, with another friend, I tried to give a compliment and I failed again. I'd suspect that is not the problem, here. More likely it is that you were brusque/rude with him in person, and did not explain IN REAL TIME your reason for not being able to spend a few 'genuine' moments with him right then. Would also have been an idea to compliment him ("was nice seeing you" or "you're looking great" or something) instead of offering your observation/opinion about his friend's facial appearance. Maybe it's just my (old) age, but to me an FB 'wall' is not the place to offer one's genuine apologies. There's nothing intimate about it; nothing personal. Maybe you could try a private message, or phone call? But, rather than apologize again, say that you realize you've hurt his feelings and ask how you can make it up to him. Mention that you care about the friendship and do want to make it right, if he will allow it. To me, the excellent part is that you ARE aware of your impact on others, and you are looking to improve/grow in that area -- nothing "retarded" about that, IMO. Hugs.
green_tea Posted July 10, 2010 Posted July 10, 2010 To me your comment on his FB seems harmless (this one I mean, not the last one). I mean if people are going to nitpick about every little thing people say, you get nowhere, and there are way more important things to worry about. Your comment (if a little awkward) wasn't rude in any way. I think it's his problem that he's deleted your comment - your intentions were good, and that is obvious to anyone. In fact he should have been able to see that you were busy at work and not at liberty to stop and chat - you went out of your way when you had a chance to explain, and that was nice of you. I disagree that you need to apologise to him any further - you've already done that with your comment on FB. If he wants to be a drama queen about a comment like that, then he is the one that needs to look at himself, not you. That's my opinion anyway!
Feelin Frisky Posted July 10, 2010 Posted July 10, 2010 Hi Bubble Freak, I got news for ya. It's rather a miracle that we're all not socially retarded since our education and that of our parents has been fully neglectful of social development. The world would be a kinder and more secure place if society would replace emphasis on memorizing such ancient drivel as Paul Reveer's "The Brittish are Coming" ride and make every day count towards achieveing some small step up in learning what you need to navigate this pathetically challened sosciosphere. Sorry for intellectualizing it, but that's what I believe. We need a change in prioities in our social rearing.
Secure Posted July 10, 2010 Posted July 10, 2010 I suspect he may have deleted the comment to avoid the possibility of Julie reading that he was with Beth. There was nothing awkward with your comment.
yume Posted July 11, 2010 Posted July 11, 2010 I have problems with saying socially appropriate things, and it's unintentional when/if I offend someone. Apply the 3 second rule to yourself. Think for 3 seconds before you say something to decide whether or not what you're going to say is appropriate and/or might be offensive. I think your wall post could have done without the comment about the girl (since you said yourself you didn't know the details of why the girl was there)...I think that's something you should wait to say in a private, face to face conversation. Other than that, at least you apologized.
allina Posted July 11, 2010 Posted July 11, 2010 I suspect he may have deleted the comment to avoid the possibility of Julie reading that he was with Beth. There was nothing awkward with your comment. I think so too. Maybe he's seeing someone other than the girl he was out with and didn't want her to ask "Soooo who is the pretty girl you were with?!"
Author BubbleFreak Posted July 11, 2010 Author Posted July 11, 2010 It's not that easy for someone, like me, who has autisitic tendencies to know whether or not to say something simply by thinking about it for 3 seconds. I have not been diagnosed by a psychologist because a consultation costs too much but I have spoken to counsellors who have suggested the possibility I have Aspergers. The only thing I know for certain is that, even though knowing what is and is not socially appropriate is a given to most people, to me it can be very hard to differentiate. Has been all my life. It's interesting how people in this thread have so many different opinions on what I did, some say my wallpost was fine while others say it was not or that I must have done something else wrong. Very confusing for me. But it's interesting nonetheless and I didn't even think about the possiblity that maybe he didn't want other people knowing he was there with a girl. Thanks for all the replies.
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