unstableable Posted July 10, 2010 Posted July 10, 2010 This guy I'm dating, Mr. X, and I met as friends while he was still living with his 10-year relationship girlfriend. 1 month after meeting him and starting a band together he dumped his girl and two weeks after that we ended up in bed together after getting drunk one night. I had a girlfriend at the time who had been treating me like **** for the past year and she left one day unannounced that same week. Mr. X and I were both very heartbroken and became party animals, going out together every other night, sometimes every night and getting wasted. As time went by and we got to know each other better, we began to have feelings for each other. Every time he was drunk he would tell me beautiful things but with time I began to wonder whether it was all drunken talk and why he didn't tell me all these things while he was sober. I decided to confront him about his feelings towards me and he said he was very hurt from his past relationship and couldn't commit right now, but that he liked me very much and thought we should take it slow while we get to know each other better. So we're still seeing each other, he is very kind to me, texts me everyday to see how I'm doing, etc. We hang out a lot but he's never romantic or affectionate unless he's drunk, then he'll start saying all these beautiful things to me. Oh, did I mention he's 13 years older than I am? I am 23. It is important to know, however, that he is a totally awkward-minded, weed-smoking, eye-liner "THE CURE" sort of guy, completely anti-macho culture, and just an artist in general so he's hard to decipher. Anyway, this whole situation is driving me crazy, I've told him I love him and he always says he does too... And then I ask him why he doesn't express it more often and he says he's scared of being hurt again. I've thought of asking him to take some time and think things through and decide what he really wants 'cause I don't want to play this game anymore. The sex is there, it's great, but it's not enough for me anymore. I am in love with him. His ex-girlfriend still texts him often and has him hanging by a string with the "i want to kill myself" and "my life is meaningless without you" drama. He has told me how difficult she is making it on him to move on. He's living with his father now and has invited me over at least 6 or 7 times during the past 2 months, which shows me he must be somewhat serious about "us" if he's bringing me to his dad's place. He always pays for my bus and train tickets, opens doors for me, hugs me all night long even when we don't have sex we'll just cuddle. I see him 3 or 4 times a week and he says that is a sign of how much he enjoys my company, how he shows me that he's into me without having to tell me he loves me. He's told me he misses me a couple of times and whenever I don't see him for 2 or 3 days I tell him I miss him and he'll say he does too. We have been dating for 7 months total now, maybe 3 of them being on a more serious level. I need advice, should I give him time to be alone and decide what he wants? He asked me yesterday how I perceived our relationship and I said I was confused by his confusion and constant changes. I told him he should make up his mind and stop playing games with mine and he said we should have a good time, he said we're getting to know each other, asked me to enjoy what is happening to us and let it flow. He says we're "on the right track". I'm just scared that he's unknowingly stringing me on for fear of being too alone. I also feel he must decipher me too easily, me being 13 years younger. He always tells me how talented I am, and beautiful and smart. To make a long story short: what does it sound like is happening? i don't want to loose what we have but I also don't want to end up getting hurt if he realizes what we had was just a rebound relationship. i don't want to push him away by being naggy... should I find a way to trust him and let things flow???
Author unstableable Posted July 10, 2010 Author Posted July 10, 2010 i forgot to mention this is the first time I've ever dated a guy for more than 3 months, I've usually preferred the ladies so I'm very confused with this whole situation just because some men (like him) are more reserved about their feelings and prefer to be gamers and jokers and just plain funny and sometimes even evasive. so maybe I'm exaggerating and being overly dramatic? advice please.
rocket182 Posted July 10, 2010 Posted July 10, 2010 This is a hard situation, but I completely understand. Honestly, I think you need to sit him down and tell him that you need at least some sort of assurance that the relationship is going somewhere and that he's not going to go running back to his ex if she suddenly decides she wants him back. Otherwise, it's not fair to you for him to keep stringing you along the way he has been.
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