monkeybar Posted July 10, 2010 Posted July 10, 2010 Just got dumped over 4th July weekend. Super bummed. Guy and I had 6 month relationship of technology--email/phone. We were long distance and met through work, then it just clicked It seemed romantic, and promising. A month before I met him in person he revealed he was married w/ children. I felt crushed and pissed. Why didn't mention it before--considering he mentioned everything else in his life? I felt too attached and had invested time to let it go. He made me feel happy. He suggested we meet anyway as friends but probably would be more than friends because he said the attraction was too strong for him and his day was consumed by thoughts of us. I know... "big idiot", but I did it anyway. i was so hooked and cared for him and hoped we could meet and make sense of it. Ok... it was over quickly. I insisted on safe sex--given just the reality of the world now. He said didn't believe in safe sex, can't wear condoms and just couldn't go further if I insisted on it b/c no one has ever had that policy w/ him and I should just trust him. He said it was a total deal breaker for him. He broke up with me within a few hours. Then said even if condoms weren't required he just didn't feel anything for me and wasn't attracted. This was crushing. First of all we'd seen pictures of each other. Spoke 2-3 times per day, and worked together about a year before hand. I didn't think i put out any surprises. Well, I certainly didn't withhold a significant story like a marriage. I just can't believe someone would do this. I think of all the big plans he had and spoke about nearly every conversation of a future, vacations, how we would be friends forever. Now it seems lame and I'm so gullible.. Why would a guy waste such time to make up fantasy stories like that? Why would a guy insist on unprotected sex---wouldn't that be risky for him (and especially his marriage)? He mentioned what a hot romeo he was, but after seeing and touching him in person it felt like a guy who had barely ever had sex. it was hungry and aggressive-. I was shocked at how clumsy and awkward he was. Has anyone else had this type of flip flopping? And did anyone else find it to be sad, and ego crushing (like I'm feeling?) thanks for sharing your stories and advise.
LoveTruthChaos Posted July 10, 2010 Posted July 10, 2010 WOW!!! He's such a loser! You dodged a HUGE bullet. There was a lesson in all of this that you were meant to learn. Find what it was, and move on. By the way....I don't have condolences for you. I am congratulating you. You deserve, and will get better! Chin up honey
Author monkeybar Posted July 13, 2010 Author Posted July 13, 2010 your words "dodged a bullet" are a great perspective. I've had a few "i told you so's" which is really annoying. Will work on the lesson and moving-on part . Still feeling kind of depleted over the whole thing. Thanks for your congratulations! good one.
skydiveaddict Posted July 13, 2010 Posted July 13, 2010 Be glad that you're rid of him. Affairs are never a good idea
Author monkeybar Posted July 14, 2010 Author Posted July 14, 2010 Skydiveaddict---You're right. I found out the hard way. Affairs are painful.
ComputerJock Posted July 14, 2010 Posted July 14, 2010 I wonder if his wife knows he is a serial cheater? (His condom requirement comes from his experience with other women). Have you thought of having a relationship with a man where you are not commiting adultery? I'm assuming by your actions --- ready to cheat with a married man --- that you are not religous. I was going to suggest trying a singles group at your church.
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