Thierro Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 (edited) Back in the old days I was incapable of attracting women. I had no clue what was going on and what was wrong with me to put women off in my life. So, I searched for answers. I learned how to be good with women. It was hard work, but it pay off big time. I just reframed who I was. I once believed in true love, but this all changed due to the fact what I learned. My believes changed in pure science; everything in life is based on science and has certain rules you will have to apply to. I would go the clubs and DO and BE all the stuff that girls dislike in a guy and I had so much fun getting rejected by it. It was intriguing. It was a matter of turning on a switch and all girls would beg me for my number.. But.. I hated it… I hate the game. knowing that true love doesn’t really exist and that love was a primary based on the whole alpha man crap attitude...To keep a long story short: I met a girl. She let me believe again in true love and I let go of everything I had learned, stupid me, but I just wanted love to be real (believing she was made for me). But after a few years; She broke-up. After the relationship I realized something; I want to be the nice guy. I want to take care of my girl. I want to bath her in attention and doing stuff for her. I want to make her happy, I want to give her everything. Why? Because I enjoy it so damn much. This is what I enjoy doing. I enjoy cooking for her, doing the household (when I cleaned a toilet when I was with her, I kept smiling while doing it). I want her to put her feet on the couch, let her relax. I want to massage her and stuff. I want to take care of her. But yeah, I know how it works. The whole independency, the suffocating feeling. I just want to take fully care of her. (For the first time in my life I think it has something to do with SM?...) I want to give her all the pleasure she can have. Physical and emotional. In the relationship I asked her once a month how she felt about us, if she felt satisfied enough. It’s a hobby of mine. I only settle for the best. But this can’t work out that way. It will come over as insecurity. I know which trades of mine weren’t satisfying and one of the reasons she broke up with me. I wasn’t a doormat or anything like that. I kept my foot on the ground, she knew the rules and I kept things in line. I was just wondering how that I can sustain a good relationship when I want things that girls don’t want and get subconsciously/primarily turned off because of it. Thanks for the read. I appreciate it,. Edited July 9, 2010 by Thierro
Stung Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 Despite the popular mythos, there are plenty of women who would love a relationship like that. Do retain some backbone and personal boundaries, however.
Woggle Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 Get a pet you can spoil and just get laid using the alpha-male tactics. Women who truly want a relationship like you describe are few and far in between so just have fun for now.
Gallaxia Posted July 10, 2010 Posted July 10, 2010 I'm not sure there's an easy answer. You're a diamond in the rough, seeking the same.
Author Thierro Posted July 10, 2010 Author Posted July 10, 2010 (edited) Thanks for the replies. I am wondering if it’s just unhealthy (for me.. the relationship) wanting stuff like this and if I need to get a grip on it. I am just figuring this out for myself. I would always get irritable if guys would talk the way I do now, so it’s a new outlook I need to take into consideration and give it a place in time. Sure, I wouldn’t do everything for her all the time like she is a baby or something, but I would like it to be a fare amount. It just depends on what it is. I would enjoy doing the household period. I would enjoy cooking for her every day. I would love her to carry her into bath, wash her hair and dry her off 3 out of 10 times (maybe even 10/10. who knows. I'm not sure how far it goes, but I know my ex complaint about me doing too much). So yeah, it really matters on what the action is. I know that if I would do things all the time it will mean less to her and she will not enjoy it as much as before. So to make her really happy, I will have to give up on a large part of what I want, otherwise I will not get the results that I want. I wonder what kind of girls would want this though. Girls will always have a sense of independency, especially because of the whole independent women thing that is going on these days, there is nothing wrong with this, nothing at all, but it will keep them on guard. Woggle; I hate pets. And sex is only good with girls you bonded with over the years. It has to mean something. It doesn’t feel right having sex with a girl that you have no connection with; just empty And sure, like I said, I have my own personal boundaries and I don’t take crap from anyone. Edited July 10, 2010 by Thierro
Gallaxia Posted July 10, 2010 Posted July 10, 2010 Thanks for the replies. I am wondering if it’s just unhealthy (for me.. the relationship) wanting stuff like this and if I need to get a grip on it. I am just figuring this out for myself. I would always get irritable if guys would talk the way I do now, so it’s a new outlook I need to take into consideration and give it a place in time. Sure, I wouldn’t do everything for her all the time like she is a baby or something, but I would like it to be a fare amount. It just depends on what it is. I would enjoy doing the household period. I would enjoy cooking for her every day. I would love her to carry her into bath, wash her hair and dry her off 3 out of 10 times (maybe even 10/10. who knows. I'm not sure how far it goes, but I know my ex complaint about me doing too much). And sure, like I said, I have my own personal boundaries and I don’t take crap from anyone. I don't believe this is healthy. I understand you want to appreciate the woman you're with and you want her to feel appreciated & catered to too, but don't do things that are borderline fantasy. It'd most often leave a woman feeling misunderstood because that's just you're interpretation of how to care for her.
bac Posted July 10, 2010 Posted July 10, 2010 It was a great description of an ideal man most girls look for. IMO it was unrealistic and idealistic because perfect people do not exist.
SilentVoice Posted July 10, 2010 Posted July 10, 2010 It was a great description of an ideal man most girls look for. Really? He said he wants to clean the toilet with a smile across his face. I really don't see why any women would want this. Nothing about a relationship with this man seems equal. Shouldn't a relationship be equal? Well he did say 3/10 times ... so I guess it less than equal.
Gero Posted July 10, 2010 Posted July 10, 2010 Well, I identify with a lot of what the OP said but at the same time it is going overboard. You have to give them some space and also give them the chance to do something for you. I'm sure if you are with a woman that loves you, she is going to want to do things for you too and you have to understand that and let her do her part. I know I would feel bad if a girl did a ton of stuff for me and wouldn't allow me to do anything back. It would be too much after awhile. I still believe that the OP has a good attitude, but just needs to tone it down quite a bit.
bac Posted July 10, 2010 Posted July 10, 2010 Really? He said he wants to clean the toilet with a smile across his face. I really don't see why any women would want this. Nothing about a relationship with this man seems equal. Shouldn't a relationship be equal? Well he did say 3/10 times ... so I guess it less than equal. It could be perfect to me if a man cleaned the toilet or any part of our place. I also do not mind he gives me all other possible benefits. The problem is that even if a man thinks that he wants to do all the wonderful things, he might change his mind IRL if he really practices them. The same thing is about the wonderful idea of having sex with the only girl and that it gets better and better with yrs.
Author Thierro Posted July 10, 2010 Author Posted July 10, 2010 (edited) bac: It is far from ideal. Really. I don’t just think, I know I want those things, because I already did them. Being the way I described here is one of the reasons I lost my, what I thought, was my true love. I have had casual sex with girls that I knew in less than 10 hours. It meant nothing to me, I didn’t feel anything. I don’t care for beauty when there is nothing inside their hearts that I can connect with. I simply don’t get why I should just have sex with someone out of physical attraction. When you know a girl and the years pass by; the sex gets better. Everyday a bond grows stronger. When time passes new memories and experiences between the two of you are realized. A heart grows stronger and bigger for your loved once each time you share things. I feel this in my heart and know this in my head when I make love to her. About the toilet thing (lol); It's not that I am sitting here and think; God, I want to clean that darn toilet again and put a smile across my face, but I like the thought of the idea that I take care of my house (being independent) and the girl I’m in a relationship with. I want her to feel comfortable because of my doing, that’s all. I want to make sure that she is not going to sit down on a filthy toilet. I would feel bad about it. I am not going to let that happen. It’s not even about her, it’s about me and what I want and what my morals and believes are. I want to be in control (not controlling) of the people and environment I am living in. It makes me happy knowing I am good to a person I love. Everything I described here and what I want is just like being a good host when a guest is coming over; you let them out more happier than they came in. You provide them with some good food and drinks and give them a good time. I just want to overdo it sometimes and this will eventually get her running. Gero: Sure I get that and I even love it when she wants to do things. I appreciate them a lot and I also let her as much as she wants to. I just overdo it. If she would ask for a 3 hour foot massage I would just love to do that. I feels great when I can do things for her that will make her feel good. If she doesn’t want something; no problem. SilentVoice: I would never get into a position where a girl feels superior or inferior to me; never. Edited July 10, 2010 by Thierro
SilentVoice Posted July 10, 2010 Posted July 10, 2010 SilentVoice: I would never get into a position where a girl feels superior or inferior to me; never. Well that is good to know. I personal don't see anything wrong with what you posted when you put it like this "but I like the thought of the idea that I take care of my house (being independent)" But then again my previous post may be very bias... I am stuck in the whole self independence woman blah blah....surprising I am not a feminist. You seem to be very level headed
Art_Critic Posted July 10, 2010 Posted July 10, 2010 That whole post reeks of smothering... I've never known any woman that could handle such a smothering without bucking the whole thing after she realized it wasn't going to stop.. All women like some of that type of stuff but only in moderation and not laid on so thick. Come on.. once a month asked her about how the relationship was for her.. that is just insecurity speaking and so is much of all the doormat behavior. If I did any of those things for my wife in such unstopping intensity she would wonder if she married a woman instead of a man and tell me to knock it off.. While I do really nice stuff for her and treat her with a lot of respect I also know that she isn't looking for crap that is pulled just to make me look good.. I think you need to get yourself into another relationship and fast.. not being in a good healthy relationship has warped your mind man... and stop being a doormat...nobody respects a doormat.. drawing the line or not doesn't change it. JMO
Art_Critic Posted July 10, 2010 Posted July 10, 2010 I would love her to carry her into bath, wash her hair and dry her off 3 out of 10 times (maybe even 10/10. who knows. I'm not sure how far it goes, but I know my ex complaint about me doing too much). Listen to your ex.. figure out what your half was in the relationship for why it didn't work... Dating is all about figuring out who and what we want or don't want in a relationship and you can't figure that all out by dating one girl. It can take many relationships to finely hone your wants or don't want's and what is appropriate behavior as well.. You have to do the introspection after a relationship ends in order to figure out what went wrong and how of if you need to pull yourself into line some. All women would love to be carried to the bath.. scratch the wash her hair crap.. instead make love to her in the tub.. then take her out of the tub and throw her on the bed and dry her off.. but with your tongue.. and only do it once ( you can hold it in reserve to do it again later on but not in the near future).. and certainly not 10 out of 10 times... Who has that much time on their hands anyhow to take a bath.. and many times a woman just wants to be alone in her bath bubbles.. Draw her a bath.. let her enjoy her alone time.. then make her dinner..
Author Thierro Posted July 10, 2010 Author Posted July 10, 2010 That whole post reeks of smothering... I've never known any woman that could handle such a smothering without bucking the whole thing after she realized it wasn't going to stop.. All women like some of that type of stuff but only in moderation and not laid on so thick. Come on.. once a month asked her about how the relationship was for her.. that is just insecurity speaking and so is much of all the doormat behavior. If I did any of those things for my wife in such unstopping intensity she would wonder if she married a woman instead of a man and tell me to knock it off.. While I do really nice stuff for her and treat her with a lot of respect I also know that she isn't looking for crap that is pulled just to make me look good.. I think you need to get yourself into another relationship and fast.. not being in a good healthy relationship has warped your mind man... and stop being a doormat...nobody respects a doormat.. drawing the line or not doesn't change it. JMO That is exactly my point. It was one of the reasons my GF broke up with me, but I genuinely like to do those things even though I know it will suffocate and push the girl away. This is why I posted this. I can't think of a way to implement these longings into a long healthy relationship without her running away. It was a monthly check-up to see if everything was in the right order. I know it comes across insecure. But I wanted to make her aware of things. I didn’t want her subconscious to fell less about something. It’s me striving for perfection and getting everything out of the relationship I possibly can.
Green Posted July 10, 2010 Posted July 10, 2010 Look there is a saying... I didn't understand it at first... "No good deed goes un-punished" It's a true saying. If you are evil, and enjoy being evil, and are smart and good at being evil... THEN THE WORLD IS YOURS. I for a long time have spotted that a guy who just doesn't care about his relationship and aproaches it like a Sociopath is rewarded with LOTS of SEX the only thing he really cares about. The fact is it would be easy for me to be some player. I could tell women "I just want to use you is that ok" and I know that sht would work great. When a girl started getting anoying I would just toss her away and get a new one... AND YES there would be a girl just waiting to take her place... heck with an AHOLE attitude you'd be dating more then one at the same time. The fact is I enjoy BEING ME. I enjoy being a guy who doesn't act like an AHOLE. I like thinking of myself as a good guy. I would never just impregnate a girl and go peace out. I would never hurt and steal from people just to make a quick buck. So, yes being bad, cheating, it will get you an ADVANTAGE. But if thats not who you are and not who you want to be... then you'll just have to realise "Life isn't fair" and you need to stop expecting it to be. If you hang in there the odds are with you to find a person you love and stays with you.
Author Thierro Posted July 10, 2010 Author Posted July 10, 2010 I know what went wrong in the relationship. I wanted things to be perfect. Wanting this is why I lost her. Perfect does not exist, but all I ever wanted was giving her the best emotions she could possibly have. Either way you look at it I will have to give up something: 1. I will do everything for her; she will enjoy it for a couple of months but will break up eventually because she gets tired of it and feel smothered. 2. I do it sporadically and hold down these longings and make her happier along the way.
hats Posted July 10, 2010 Posted July 10, 2010 This isn't a nice guy thread, OP admits he does these things for his own satisfaction and recognizes that girls would be happier if he didn't do things the way HE wants to do them. Welcome to relationships. There's another person on the end of these things with wants and needs just like you. Either you find someone who wants the same things, or you compromise.
Author Thierro Posted July 10, 2010 Author Posted July 10, 2010 (edited) This isn't a nice guy thread, OP admits he does these things for his own satisfaction and recognizes that girls would be happier if he didn't do things the way HE wants to do them. Welcome to relationships. There's another person on the end of these things with wants and needs just like you. Either you find someone who wants the same things, or you compromise. No-one said it was. But everything a person does is based on own needs. I want to make someone happy so in reward I will feel a sense of satisfaction. I will not do something for someone if it isn't appreciated. So yes, I do everything for my own sastisfaction. I am sure everyone else does the same. "Either you find someone who wants the same things, or you compromise" This is right. I mentioned this in my previous post. And I am afraid there is no other way around it. Find a girl that wants the same or compromise. Edited July 10, 2010 by Thierro
hats Posted July 10, 2010 Posted July 10, 2010 No-one said it was. I was referring to green's post. But everything a person does is based on own needs. I want to make someone happy so in reward I will feel a sense of satisfaction. I will not do something for someone if it isn't appreciated. So yes, I do everything for my own sastisfaction. I am sure everyone else does the same. "Either you find someone who wants the same things, or you compromise" This is right. I mentioned this in my previous post. And I am afraid there is no other way around it. At least now you know. I'm sure you'll have more success in your future relationships knowing better what to expect.
Author Thierro Posted July 10, 2010 Author Posted July 10, 2010 I was referring to green's post. At least now you know. I'm sure you'll have more success in your future relationships knowing better what to expect. I guess I would really like to take a big bite out of the forbidden fruit though whilst in a future relationship, but when I do, the consequences are already known to me..
that girl Posted July 10, 2010 Posted July 10, 2010 There is a middle ground between being a jerk and smothering someone. I don't get why people are bringing up "be a jerk and lots of girls will want you!" The relationships that work that way tend to be pretty unhappy and the OP doesn't seem to feed off drama. There is a difference between being happy to clean the bathroom and wanting to bathe her 3 out of 10 days. Cooking and cleaning are basic grown up responsibilities. Doing these things are pretty standard in relatively happy relationships, otherwise you end up fighting all the time. But carrying her into the bathroom and then bathing her, is a little much in most situations. Sure, it could be very romantic if she broke her leg or it could be an occasional part of foreplay, but multiple times a week for the rest of your life? Sometimes a lady just needs to wash her own hair. And I saw that as someone who likes the occasional hair washing by someone else. You need to find the middle ground. Housework is good, cooking is good, checking in about the relationship is good. But it sounds like you need to remember whoever you are dating is a grown woman.
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