Secure Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 Well, I've always been confident that I am more understanding, caring and romantic than most men out there, but each time a girl says that I have all of these great qualities but she doesn't want to date me or whatever, my confidence takes a hit. I can't be confident in my best qualities if they get me nothing in life. I can understand but obviously those women were looking for something else. Don't let it bother your confidence. My friend prefers a man who spoils her with expensive gifts, expensive dates, and wears really nice clothes. He does not open doors for her, etc. I would choose a humble man wearing clothes from Walmart, who surprises me with a 99 cent greeting card but has caring qualities like opening doors for me. Just depends on what each woman prefers in a man.
Gero Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 I can understand but obviously those women were looking for something else. Don't let it bother your confidence. My friend prefers a man who spoils her with expensive gifts, expensive dates, and wears really nice clothes. He does not open doors for her, etc. I would choose a humble man wearing clothes from Walmart, who surprises me with a 99 cent greeting card but has caring qualities like opening doors for me. Just depends on what each woman prefers in a man. It just confuses me that I met a girl recently that is a real sweetheart and say that she wanted a nice sweet man or whatever. We agree on everything that we want in a relationship and we are alike in many respects, but she still said that I needed more confidence.
Bangle Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 The best thing for men who are struggling with women is to go into the army and not concentrate on women. That's what I'm doing, life suddenly feels better.
Gero Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 The best thing for men who are struggling with women is to go into the army and not concentrate on women. That's what I'm doing, life suddenly feels better. I would do that, but I don't like killing people. I wouldn't be able to do it.
Bangle Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 I would do that, but I don't like killing people. I wouldn't be able to do it. That's what training is for, anyway the Germans do not kill often. That belongs to US, Canada and Britain. I am joining the same regiment as my brother, I am excited.
hopesndreams Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 It just confuses me that I met a girl recently that is a real sweetheart and say that she wanted a nice sweet man or whatever. We agree on everything that we want in a relationship and we are alike in many respects, but she still said that I needed more confidence. Her opinion and her opinion only. Don't let it rule you.
Gero Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 That's what training is for, anyway the Germans do not kill often. That belongs to US, Canada and Britain. I am joining the same regiment as my brother, I am excited. Yeah, well I'm in the US so all we do is kill. Her opinion and her opinion only. Don't let it rule you. Thanks. It's been taking me some time to realize this, but it still sucks because I like her and it took me 10 years to find someone as nice as her that I was attracted to so it'll probably take another 10 years before I get another chance.
hopesndreams Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 Yeah, well I'm in the US so all we do is kill. Thanks. It's been taking me some time to realize this, but it still sucks because I like her and it took me 10 years to find someone as nice as her that I was attracted to so it'll probably take another 10 years before I get another chance. Highly doubtful. Think positive.
gamma1 Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 Encouraging them is one thing, but it's THEIR decision. You can't make someone get help, and if they don't want to (and I mean REALLY want to), it's not going to work, so your "encouragement" is generally a waste of effort. Dude, you have red flags all over you at this point. Nobody knows whether they want a relationship with someone until they've actually spent some time with them and often they don't know until AFTER they've had sex with them (sorry, but it's true). Right now you're coming across as really desperate, and only interested in women with baggage because you perceive them to be easy. So apart from posting here and dating women with baggage, what do you actually do to "help people"? Do you volunteer at homeless shelters? Do you give money to charities (like a lot of money), you know, do you help people who are in genuine need? People who can't or won't give you sex or a "relationship", but who really need your help? That's the real test. Most of the women you're dating don't need any help at all, but they just want a guy to keep a seat warm for their next boyfriend, that's where you fit in. No, the ones with giant egos are the guys who do things because they perceive it will make the look better in the eyes of other people, and you're doing that right now with your six posts (to date) in this thread, and the ones who refuse to admit they might have made a mistake. I know I'm just one big red flag and most other men want me to fail. It's less competition for them, though I'm very weak competition. You seem to twist half of what I say into the most negative light possible. I don't intentionally pick women out with baggage, because usually I don't know if they have baggage until the first date. I've given money to worthy causes and have helped plenty of people in need. It's one of the few things women like about me. Obviously most other men don't care for me at all and most women don't want to date me. I'm sorry to all the women that I've wasted time dating. It really isn't that many for someone in their late 30s.
Gero Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 Highly doubtful. Think positive. I used to think positive, but being that I haven't had a relationship in 11 years and that was only 2 months and in that time I have only been on about 5 dates and been rejected by countless women. I want to think positive, but I am also realistic.
gamma1 Posted July 10, 2010 Posted July 10, 2010 I hate playing games, but it seems those who are the most successful are those who play games. I hate dating, relationships and women because they just mess me around and play badly with my mind. I hate games, but I've learned the hard way that women who say no games in their profiles are sometimes the biggest game players of all.
hopesndreams Posted July 10, 2010 Posted July 10, 2010 Be more choosy in the women you ask out to date then. It wouldn't be countless then would it?
Gero Posted July 10, 2010 Posted July 10, 2010 Be more choosy in the women you ask out to date then. It wouldn't be countless then would it? Trust me. I am really picky when it comes to women. It mostly has to do with personality than anything else though. I don't just ask out random chicks.
Secure Posted July 10, 2010 Posted July 10, 2010 It just confuses me that I met a girl recently that is a real sweetheart and say that she wanted a nice sweet man or whatever. We agree on everything that we want in a relationship and we are alike in many respects, but she still said that I needed more confidence. Her opinion. If it bothered you, you should have asked what she meant by that statement. I have dated a few guys who were interested in me and extremely sweet. I knew they would be great husbands. One had everything I wanted except he was extremely shy and quiet. Went on a few dates thinking maybe he would open up more but each date(few) was boring which wasn't for me.
gamma1 Posted July 10, 2010 Posted July 10, 2010 I used to think positive, but being that I haven't had a relationship in 11 years and that was only 2 months and in that time I have only been on about 5 dates and been rejected by countless women. I want to think positive, but I am also realistic. I'm at least a decade older than you and I've struggled just as much if not more. I know your frustration.
sloudrou Posted July 10, 2010 Posted July 10, 2010 I know I'm just one big red flag and most other men want me to fail. It's less competition for them, though I'm very weak competition. You seem to twist half of what I say into the most negative light possible. I don't intentionally pick women out with baggage, because usually I don't know if they have baggage until the first date. I've given money to worthy causes and have helped plenty of people in need. It's one of the few things women like about me. Obviously most other men don't care for me at all and most women don't want to date me. I'm sorry to all the women that I've wasted time dating. It really isn't that many for someone in their late 30s. Right, now we're getting somewhere. First of all, if your own issues don't have to be terminal. I'm guessing the reason you always seem to end up with women with baggage (even unintentionally) is that you have some issues of your own to fix, so there's a starting point. Now here are some suggestions: 1. Stop seeing yourself in such a negative light. Get over the constant need to defend yourself or what you do, let go of the ego and let the real you shine through. If helping other people IS your passion, focus on that, first. Build that side of your life into something meaningful and let the women find you. If this is "one of the few things women like" about you, push it to the front. 2. Forget about meeting women at bars and clubs (these are only meat markets anyway), and instead look in other places. Do some volunteering, join a church group, whatever. Do things that satisfy your passion and will bring pleasure into your life with or without a woman. That way, the women you meet along with way will be attracted to your personality, rather than repulsed by it. 3. Stop seeing other men as your enemy. Paranoia doesn't get you anywhere. They are either people who want the same things as you, or people who want different things to you. Surround yourself with the former, and ditch the latter. Again, put yourself in a position to meet the people you want in your life.
Gero Posted July 10, 2010 Posted July 10, 2010 Her opinion. If it bothered you, you should have asked what she meant by that statement. I have dated a few guys who were interested in me and extremely sweet. I knew they would be great husbands. One had everything I wanted except he was extremely shy and quiet. Went on a few dates thinking maybe he would open up more but each date(few) was boring which wasn't for me. I know what the problem was. It's because I'm sorta dorky or corny sometimes and I always seem to explain away what I say so maybe she got sick of that. Like I'll say my opinion on something and say, "but I'm weird like that", or something. I think that's what she meant. I don't know. I confuse myself a lot sometimes.
Secure Posted July 10, 2010 Posted July 10, 2010 I'm at least a decade older than you and I've struggled just as much if not more. I know your frustration. I am confused. Ask a few people who you are close too and trust for honest answers about why you are not getting dates.
gamma1 Posted July 10, 2010 Posted July 10, 2010 Right, now we're getting somewhere. First of all, if your own issues don't have to be terminal. I'm guessing the reason you always seem to end up with women with baggage (even unintentionally) is that you have some issues of your own to fix, so there's a starting point. Now here are some suggestions: 1. Stop seeing yourself in such a negative light. Get over the constant need to defend yourself or what you do, let go of the ego and let the real you shine through. If helping other people IS your passion, focus on that, first. Build that side of your life into something meaningful and let the women find you. If this is "one of the few things women like" about you, push it to the front. 2. Forget about meeting women at bars and clubs (these are only meat markets anyway), and instead look in other places. Do some volunteering, join a church group, whatever. Do things that satisfy your passion and will bring pleasure into your life with or without a woman. That way, the women you meet along with way will be attracted to your personality, rather than repulsed by it. 3. Stop seeing other men as your enemy. Paranoia doesn't get you anywhere. They are either people who want the same things as you, or people who want different things to you. Surround yourself with the former, and ditch the latter. Again, put yourself in a position to meet the people you want in your life. I think there's some truth to that. Also, the women with the least baggage are often happily married by their late 30s. 1. I do like helping other people. I think most people would find what I do meaningful. 2. It seems like everywhere is a meat market. It's hard to stomach anymore. It would be ideal to meet a woman while doing what I'm enjoying. It hasn't happened yet. 3. Men have told me to throw in the towel so many times, that I feel some bitterness towards my own sex. I know this does not help. It seems like every little thing I have to work on when it comes to dating. Nothing comes natural.
Gero Posted July 10, 2010 Posted July 10, 2010 3. Men have told me to throw in the towel so many times, that I feel some bitterness towards my own sex. I know this does not help. I know enough to not listen to what most guys tell you unless they truly are really close friends because I have experienced some ill-will coming from other guys as well. I'm a decent looking guy myself in decent shape. I knew enough to know when I went to work I was the best looking guy in the area that I worked. Some guys who would consider themselves players or whatever were jealous of me because of my looks. When they found out that I don't get many dates, I could sense that they felt better about themselves because they were jealous of me in some way. I've asked for advice from other guys, but I don't do that anymore because of that incident. The only guy that I talk to about women now is my only real close friend and although I can tell that he is too supportive at times and doesn't give it to me completely straight, he still doesn't have it out for me like some others.
sloudrou Posted July 10, 2010 Posted July 10, 2010 I think there's some truth to that. Also, the women with the least baggage are often happily married by their late 30s. 1. I do like helping other people. I think most people would find what I do meaningful. It's not about what other people think. It's about who YOU are and about pushing that to the front. Stop worrying about everyone else and work on YOURSELF. 2. It seems like everywhere is a meat market. It's hard to stomach anymore. It would be ideal to meet a woman while doing what I'm enjoying. It hasn't happened yet. Nobody ever achieved anything by giving up. 3. Men have told me to throw in the towel so many times, that I feel some bitterness towards my own sex. I know this does not help. That just shows you're hanging around the wrong men, much like you've been dating the wrong women.
Secure Posted July 10, 2010 Posted July 10, 2010 I know what the problem was. It's because I'm sorta dorky or corny sometimes and I always seem to explain away what I say so maybe she got sick of that. Like I'll say my opinion on something and say, "but I'm weird like that", or something. I think that's what she meant. I don't know. I confuse myself a lot sometimes. Those comments would drive me insane. Do not tell someone you are dorky, corny, or weird. They will have that perception of you because you feel that way about yourself. I KNOW I'm weird sometimes but I would not dare tell it. :laugh::laugh::laugh:
sweetjasmine Posted July 10, 2010 Posted July 10, 2010 I've given money to worthy causes and have helped plenty of people in need. It's one of the few things women like about me. Why do you keep insisting on conflating all of these things? Giving money to charity and helping people in need isn't what the OP was talking about. There's a difference between writing a check to UNICEF and dating people with serious problems thinking you can fix it all up for them. I enjoy helping people, too, but after dating one guy who was bipolar and having it drain my energy and f- me up for a while, I absolutely refuse to play Rescuer-Martyr. It's not healthy.
Gero Posted July 10, 2010 Posted July 10, 2010 Those comments would drive me insane. Do not tell someone you are dorky, corny, or weird. They will have that perception of you because you feel that way about yourself. I KNOW I'm weird sometimes but I would not dare tell it. :laugh::laugh::laugh: Yeah... it just came out and I couldn't stop myself. I really liked this girl and didn't want to blow it because I am already awkward as it is not having much dating experience so I tried to explain away anything that I thought I did or said that might not go over well. Then I really did feel like such a dork.
Author Woggle Posted July 10, 2010 Author Posted July 10, 2010 This issue was somewhat a factor in my first marriage though it was more a case of us both being messed and me getting my head on straight which ruined things. My parents marriage is the perfect example. All my mother had known was pain before she met my father and he was the first man that actually treated her well. Instead of appreciating him she took all her misandrist rage and dumped it on him and on me as well. I find that many times when a woman with a bad history with men finally gets involved with a good one he just become a punching bag for her anger. She ends up becoming the abuser instead of the abused.
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