gamma1 Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 I don't think the rescuer type is always that well defined. There are some that look for women that just came out of bad situations. Sure, they would be rescuers. I like to help others. Does that make me a rescuer? I have no idea.
hopesndreams Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 I don't think the rescuer type is always that well defined. There are some that look for women that just came out of bad situations. Sure, they would be rescuers. I like to help others. Does that make me a rescuer? I have no idea. Yes. A healthy relationship begins with both people that don't need someone to help them.
Gero Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 Yes. A healthy relationship begins with both people that don't need someone to help them. I don't get it because don't spouses help each other get through stuff all of the time? I thought the whole point of a serious relationship was being there for each other. I guess I'm wrong.
gamma1 Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 Yes. A healthy relationship begins with both people that don't need someone to help them. I don't follow that. Even the most stable perople out there have some issues that they need to work on. I enjoy helping people and treating them with respect. That doesn't mean I'll help them with every single issue they might have. I might not want to or might not be qualified to help them with some issues. They might not want my help with some other issues. There could be a major issue which would make a relationship impossible. For example, if they won't stop talking to an abusive ex boyfriend, there's no way a relationship would work.
gamma1 Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 I don't get it because don't spouses help each other get through stuff all of the time? I thought the whole point of a serious relationship was being there for each other. I guess I'm wrong. The message of this whole thread is that it's bad to help others, yet when a guy demands almost immediate kisses and sex like any "normal" guy would, that's perfectly ok.
sloudrou Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 I like to help women and treat them nicely. Both partners should help each other in a relationship. If doing this is a bad thing as some seem to imply, then I'm in real trouble. Helping people is one thing, but only to a reasonable degree. I think a good philosophy is to only help people who want to help themselves. If someone is in a bad situation, what are they doing to help themselves get out of it? If a woman is carrying emotional baggage from prior abuse, is she in therapy or talking to a professional counsellor about it? And a string of bad/abusive relationships with jerks or a-holes is a massive red flag. Some people make the mistake once or twice and learn from it, but others go there again and again, and there comes a point where you realise that this is all they want.
hopesndreams Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 I don't follow that. Even the most stable perople out there have some issues that they need to work on. I enjoy helping people and treating them with respect. That doesn't mean I'll help them with every single issue they might have. I might not want to or might not be qualified to help them with some issues. They might not want my help with some other issues. There could be a major issue which would make a relationship impossible. For example, if they won't stop talking to an abusive ex boyfriend, there's no way a relationship would work. Confusion reigns supreme eh? Once you get into a R, you can't pick and choose which problems you will help them with. It's a 100% total commitment. They need you, you are there, and vice versa. The thing is to NOT get into a relationship where there isn't an even give and take.
gamma1 Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 Helping people is one thing, but only to a reasonable degree. I think a good philosophy is to only help people who want to help themselves. If someone is in a bad situation, what are they doing to help themselves get out of it? If a woman is carrying emotional baggage from prior abuse, is she in therapy or talking to a professional counsellor about it? And a string of bad/abusive relationships with jerks or a-holes is a massive red flag. Some people make the mistake once or twice and learn from it, but others go there again and again, and there comes a point where you realise that this is all they want. Part of helping people is to have them get help from those who are trained. It's naive to think I'll find a woman who doesn't have some issues, becuase again everybody has some issues. Every single woman I've dated that spent time talking about bad ex boyfriends on our first date did not want a second date. In most cases I didn't want to see them again anyway since they should have been focusing on the date rather than their exes. I still feel I'm labeled in a negative way becuase I enjoy helping people.
hopesndreams Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 Part of helping people is to have them get help from those who are trained. It's naive to think I'll find a woman who doesn't have some issues, becuase again everybody has some issues. Every single woman I've dated that spent time talking about bad ex boyfriends on our first date did not want a second date. In most cases I didn't want to see them again anyway since they should have been focusing on the date rather than their exes. I still feel I'm labeled in a negative way becuase I enjoy helping people. When a woman you are dating harps on about the exes, that means she is not ready to date seriously. This is a red flag. We all have "issues", we don't all have baggage.
gamma1 Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 Confusion reigns supreme eh? Once you get into a R, you can't pick and choose which problems you will help them with. It's a 100% total commitment. They need you, you are there, and vice versa. The thing is to NOT get into a relationship where there isn't an even give and take. At some point, it is a 100% total commitment. I can't say no to helping at this point, but they might want to solve some things on their own. It should definitely be 100% at marrige and even before, but it's hard to tell exactly when. An even give and take is ideal. I'd be happy with anything close. I think if it wasn't close to even, the relationship would fall apart quickly.
sloudrou Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 Part of helping people is to have them get help from those who are trained. No, it isn't. It's up to THEM to get help from people who are trained. Every single woman I've dated that spent time talking about bad ex boyfriends on our first date did not want a second date. In most cases I didn't want to see them again anyway since they should have been focusing on the date rather than their exes. So why do you keep dating them then? If a woman starts talking about her bad ex boyfriends, just say "Hey, if you want therapy, that will be $200 an hour, and you'll have to wait until I'm finished my dinner", and move the conversation on to something else. I still feel I'm labeled in a negative way becuase I enjoy helping people. You don't enjoy helping people. If you did you'd be volunteering at a homeless shelter. It's just that your ego likes to portray you as a "good guy" for dating women with baggage (not issues, baggage, there's a difference). Look at the way you're responding to the advice in this thread, look at the number of posts you're making on this topic, it's not driven by a desire to help anyone, it's driven solely by ego. Recognise it, and you can fix it.
alphamale Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 If a man wants a happy relationship that lasts a woman who has her stuff together on all levels is a must. where does one find a woman with all her stuff together?
Author Woggle Posted July 9, 2010 Author Posted July 9, 2010 where does one find a woman with all her stuff together? They are out there but certainly not easy to find. It is a matter of luck.
gamma1 Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 No, it isn't. It's up to THEM to get help from people who are trained. So why do you keep dating them then? If a woman starts talking about her bad ex boyfriends, just say "Hey, if you want therapy, that will be $200 an hour, and you'll have to wait until I'm finished my dinner", and move the conversation on to something else. You don't enjoy helping people. If you did you'd be volunteering at a homeless shelter. It's just that your ego likes to portray you as a "good guy" for dating women with baggage (not issues, baggage, there's a difference). Look at the way you're responding to the advice in this thread, look at the number of posts you're making on this topic, it's not driven by a desire to help anyone, it's driven solely by ego. Recognise it, and you can fix it. What's wrong with enouraging them to get help? I don't know someone's relationship history until they bring it up. When they bring it up on a first date, I know it's trouble. I've never dated any of them for more than one date. I don't choose to date women with baggage. I'm looking for a good woman who wants a relationship, rather than just sex. The fact of the matter is that most women (and men) have some baggage. I absolutely do enjoy helping people and have helped large numbers of people over the years. Where did you come up that I don't enjoy helping people? That is not at all true. The ones with overly giant egos are the men who demand almost immediate sex from women. They are usally the people that tell me to throw in the towel and keep repeating that whenever a man is nice to a woman, it's only for sex.
hopesndreams Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 lmao...at an online dating site where else? She's the one in the picture that doesn't have her t*ts hanging out. where does one find a woman with all her stuff together?
Bangle Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 Treat women as accessories to save face. This is what I will do from now on, my brother who is a success with women says that.
hopesndreams Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 What's wrong with enouraging them to get help? I don't know someone's relationship history until they bring it up. When they bring it up on a first date, I know it's trouble. I've never dated any of them for more than one date. I don't choose to date women with baggage. I'm looking for a good woman who wants a relationship, rather than just sex. The fact of the matter is that most women (and men) have some baggage. I absolutely do enjoy helping people and have helped large numbers of people over the years. Where did you come up that I don't enjoy helping people? That is not at all true. The ones with overly giant egos are the men who demand almost immediate sex from women. They are usally the people that tell me to throw in the towel and keep repeating that whenever a man is nice to a woman, it's only for sex. Nope. They are the men with low self-esteem.
alphamale Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 Nope. They are the men with low self-esteem. maybe they are just horny?
Author Woggle Posted July 9, 2010 Author Posted July 9, 2010 Treat women as accessories to save face. This is what I will do from now on, my brother who is a success with women says that. Look at the men who have success with women and learn from them.
Bangle Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 Look at the men who have success with women and learn from them. It's hard being something you naturally are not.
gamma1 Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 Nope. They are the men with low self-esteem. I'd like to think that, but I'm not so sure. Many of them have a lot of success with women and I don't mean in number of sexual partners. I usually do not get along with other men who have this attitude. Unfortunately, it seems like it is the majority of men.
Gero Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 It's hard being something you naturally are not. True. True. Also some people don't want to resort to playing games to get someone to like you.
sloudrou Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 What's wrong with enouraging them to get help? Encouraging them is one thing, but it's THEIR decision. You can't make someone get help, and if they don't want to (and I mean REALLY want to), it's not going to work, so your "encouragement" is generally a waste of effort. I don't choose to date women with baggage. I'm looking for a good woman who wants a relationship, rather than just sex. The fact of the matter is that most women (and men) have some baggage. Dude, you have red flags all over you at this point. Nobody knows whether they want a relationship with someone until they've actually spent some time with them and often they don't know until AFTER they've had sex with them (sorry, but it's true). Right now you're coming across as really desperate, and only interested in women with baggage because you perceive them to be easy. Hey, I've been there, I was like that myself for a while, but I got burned and learned a lesson. Sounds like you need to learn the same lesson. I absolutely do enjoy helping people and have helped large numbers of people over the years. Where did you come up that I don't enjoy helping people? That is not at all true. So apart from posting here and dating women with baggage, what do you actually do to "help people"? Do you volunteer at homeless shelters? Do you give money to charities (like a lot of money), you know, do you help people who are in genuine need? People who can't or won't give you sex or a "relationship", but who really need your help? That's the real test. Most of the women you're dating don't need any help at all, but they just want a guy to keep a seat warm for their next boyfriend, that's where you fit in. The ones with overly giant egos are the men who demand almost immediate sex from women. They are usally the people that tell me to throw in the towel and keep repeating that whenever a man is nice to a woman, it's only for sex. No, the ones with giant egos are the guys who do things because they perceive it will make the look better in the eyes of other people, and you're doing that right now with your six posts (to date) in this thread, and the ones who refuse to admit they might have made a mistake.
Bangle Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 True. True. Also some people don't want to resort to playing games to get someone to like you. I hate playing games, but it seems those who are the most successful are those who play games. I hate dating, relationships and women because they just mess me around and play badly with my mind.
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