Woggle Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 Is being a rescuer. I observe my frineds relationships and most of them who have a lot of drama with women date women who need rescuing. These are women who have a string of bad relationships and are used and abused by men over and over again. This might not be PC to say but most of these women are addicted to this. They do not know how to handle a healthy relationship so they end up breaking these men's hearts who treat these women better than any man before has treated them. They either go back to the jerks or they end up dumping all the anger that has built up on to these guys. If a man wants a happy relationship that lasts a woman who has her stuff together on all levels is a must.
txsilkysmoothe Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 If a man wants a happy relationship that lasts a woman who has her stuff together on all levels is a must. I'm at a point where I don't believe such WOMEN exist. I don't think such MEN exist either. It's the "chicken and egg," which came first. Women are damaged because men mistreated them or men are damaged because women mistreated them. All I know is we need to get a grip as potential partners are becoming increasingly scarce. I also think everyone of any age has at least some sort of emotional issue and a degree of baggage they will carry into a relationship. It is not acceptable to write them off, male or female, solely for this reason. He who is without issues, ........... Many people, imo, should not be dating. They should be sitting somewhere alone contemplating who they are, what they want, what they are capable of giving, how did they end up wherever they are in life, etc. Once they sort it out, then go out and be straight forward in dealing with the opposite sex.
samspade Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 They're called "White Knights" and they fall into the nice guy/beta category. It doesn't necessarily matter if the woman in question has "real" problems or just typical chick drama. White Knights are there to listen, support, and rescue! Unfortunately their motives are ulterior (getting laid). So they are used for their support and discarded for guys who could give a damn about her problems. This is as much the fault of the White Knight as it is the woman. He is trying to leverage sex/love with good deeds. (Not to be confused with someone who actually is trying to help.)
sweetjasmine Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 It's the "chicken and egg," which came first. Women are damaged because men mistreated them or men are damaged because women mistreated them. It's not a chicken and egg question because it has absolutely nothing to do with gender. Some people have issues, and they date people with even worse issues, making themselves even more unhealthy. It's a matter of being unable to recognize that the situation you just put yourself in is going to make your problems worse and not better. The "rescuer" type is full of problems him/herself. They just don't realize it. It's why a lot of people attracted to psychology/therapy work are often batsh-t themselves. On some level, they think that fixing someone else will help them fix themselves. And having a "project" will help them forget their own issues, which get put on the back burner. The rescuing part of it gives them a self-esteem boost and makes them feel like they're doing something useful and that someone really needs them. Many people, imo, should not be dating. They should be sitting somewhere alone contemplating who they are, what they want, what they are capable of giving, how did they end up wherever they are in life, etc. Once they sort it out, then go out and be straight forward in dealing with the opposite sex. You said it. Absolutely agreed. If your life is a mess, how can you bring someone else into it? If you don't know what you want, how can you expect someone else to give it to you? If you can't stand on your own two feet, you're going to knock someone else off balance.
Author Woggle Posted July 9, 2010 Author Posted July 9, 2010 Women who have it together do exist though they are hard to find.
TouchedByViolet Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 I feel like most guys make the mistake of being a rescuer once, then learn their lesson and move past that. Its common. I wish I knew how to attract quality women... thats what guys need to be taught.
Crusoe Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 I wish I knew how to attract quality women... Be a quality man...
Feelin Frisky Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 It's natural for a nice guy to want to rescue the damsel in distress. But it is often because he only sees the one side of her coin that she shows him. Rescuing can turn into toxic flypaper pretty quickly as the women can indeed be the cause of her own misery but in total denial about it.
gamma1 Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 They're called "White Knights" and they fall into the nice guy/beta category. It doesn't necessarily matter if the woman in question has "real" problems or just typical chick drama. White Knights are there to listen, support, and rescue! Unfortunately their motives are ulterior (getting laid). So they are used for their support and discarded for guys who could give a damn about her problems. This is as much the fault of the White Knight as it is the woman. He is trying to leverage sex/love with good deeds. (Not to be confused with someone who actually is trying to help.) This is not true. We want an actual relationship with the woman and not just quick sex. Most men are overly agressive these days demanding instant kisses and quick sex with a woman they hardly know.
TouchedByViolet Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 Be a quality man... If it was only that easy...
Crow9726 Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 I've been the rescuer...and freely admit that it is a character fault of mine. My heart is still broken to this day. Maybe one day I'll learn from my own mistakes.
Gero Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 This is not true. We want an actual relationship with the woman and not just quick sex. Most men are overly agressive these days demanding instant kisses and quick sex with a woman they hardly know. Yep. I've had some experience being the "White Knight" or whatever, but it was always unintentional. I knew some girls in high school that I was friends with who had terrible boyfriends. They would always talk to me about all of their problems and such and I was supportive. There always came a time that I realized that they were starting to like me as more than a friend and then I would back off because it's not what I wanted and I knew that it wouldn't even work out anyway.
Crusoe Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 If it was only that easy... If you want easy there is a whole bunch of low quality women waiting for you. If you want quality, you got to work for it.
Secure Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 Is being a rescuer. I observe my frineds relationships and most of them who have a lot of drama with women date women who need rescuing. These are women who have a string of bad relationships and are used and abused by men over and over again. This might not be PC to say but most of these women are addicted to this. They do not know how to handle a healthy relationship so they end up breaking these men's hearts who treat these women better than any man before has treated them. They either go back to the jerks or they end up dumping all the anger that has built up on to these guys. If a man wants a happy relationship that lasts a woman who has her stuff together on all levels is a must. There are some men who prefer women "who need rescuing." These type of women boost their egos because the men feel highly needed in so many areas. While some men just take advantage of these women. Some of my single girlfriends are notorious for carrying past baggage into new relationships. Then wonder why the guys lose interest. However, I also have single friends who are professionals, good self esteem, and awesome personalities and they sometimes have problems with guys being intimidated. Prior to marriage, I refused to deal with certain aspects during dating, made my own decisions without consulting others, was a professional, and very independent. I later heard from several men who did not pursue me say that "they did not feel good enough for me",and the most common statement was "I didn't need them." Thankfully, my husband was confident in our relationship and able to see many ways in which I needed him other than self esteem and financial. My father demonstrated for me a positive image of how a man should treat a woman by his actions toward my mother. Most of my dating experiences were wonderful. I strongly believe a confident and secure man will attract a woman with similar qualities. And the same for women.
Cracker Jack Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 I agree with this topic. Most of the time when I was the rescuer, I never thought about my best interest (IE getting laid, being her boyfriend) in the situation; I just thought about lifting their spirits and being there for them so they wouldn't be down. Unfortunately I'd end up catching feelings for them like a wuss. Initially they would show similar feelings, but it usually never went anywhere. I never want to play this role again.
Gero Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 Thankfully, my husband was confident in our relationship and able to see many ways in which I needed him other than self esteem and financial. Hmmm... my issue is that I feel guilty if I sit there and think about a girl I like and say she needs me because of this and that and she should like me or whatever. I don't know if that's being confident or not. It just feels weird to me and maybe that's my problem.
Secure Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 I feel like most guys make the mistake of being a rescuer once, then learn their lesson and move past that. Its common. I wish I knew how to attract quality women... thats what guys need to be taught. I truly believe there are plenty of quality men and women available. And believe people choose to ignore red flags in the beginning stages of dating. My son is only three but being taught how to be a gentleman. I know there will be some women who will not appreciate those qualities but I pray he continues to maintain those qualities and not allow one woman to change him. Same for my daughter, she is being taught how a man should treat her by the way my husband interacts with her and me. And hopefully, if she finds herself in a bad situation, she'll have the confidence and willpower to walk away. You have to possess certain boundaries, then you will attract those quality women you desire.
Secure Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 Hmmm... my issue is that I feel guilty if I sit there and think about a girl I like and say she needs me because of this and that and she should like me or whatever. I don't know if that's being confident or not. It just feels weird to me and maybe that's my problem. It depends on what that specific "need" is whether or not you are being confident. In my experience, my husband was confident he could provide companionship and leadership(major decisions and our goals in life). We were both confident of our worthiness to be loved by the other. Confident that he could be a good husband and a good father. Confident that as a team we could be financially and spiritually strong. Yes, I was independent when we met. But my husband is in charge of our finances, the yard, and the cars. He is comforted in knowing that when he is not home, I can perform those tasks if needed. If he wants to wash my car, that's fine, but I have no problem going outside and washing all of our cars. There is a difference, I LOVE my husband to take charge and be the leader of our home. But I am not needy.
Gero Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 It depends on what that specific "need" is whether or not you are being confident. In my experience, my husband was confident he could provide companionship and leadership(major decisions and our goals in life). We were both confident of our worthiness to be loved by the other. Confident that he could be a good husband and a good father. Confident that as a team we could be financially and spiritually strong. Yes, I was independent when we met. But my husband is in charge of our finances, the yard, and the cars. He is comforted in knowing that when he is not home, I can perform those tasks if needed. If he wants to wash my car, that's fine, but I have no problem going outside and washing all of our cars. There is a difference, I LOVE my husband to take charge and be the leader of our home. But I am not needy. Well, I've always been confident that I am more understanding, caring and romantic than most men out there, but each time a girl says that I have all of these great qualities but she doesn't want to date me or whatever, my confidence takes a hit. I can't be confident in my best qualities if they get me nothing in life.
hopesndreams Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 Is being a rescuer. I observe my frineds relationships and most of them who have a lot of drama with women date women who need rescuing. These are women who have a string of bad relationships and are used and abused by men over and over again. This might not be PC to say but most of these women are addicted to this. Men are addicted to this as well. It isn't just one-sided. They do not know how to handle a healthy relationship so they end up breaking these men's hearts who treat these women better than any man before has treated them. They either go back to the jerks or they end up dumping all the anger that has built up on to these guys. Maybe these men should start be attracted to healthy, independent women? What is lacking in these men to seek damsels in distress? If a man wants a happy relationship that lasts a woman who has her stuff together on all levels is a must. Absolutely. But, some men want to be the knight in shining armor. For those kinda men, there are some women that need just that, and they find each other.
hopesndreams Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 Women who have it together do exist though they are hard to find. All depends on who is looking.
hopesndreams Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 I feel like most guys make the mistake of being a rescuer once, then learn their lesson and move past that. Its common. I wish I knew how to attract quality women... thats what guys need to be taught.[/quote Quality men attract quality women.
gamma1 Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 Yep. I've had some experience being the "White Knight" or whatever, but it was always unintentional. I knew some girls in high school that I was friends with who had terrible boyfriends. They would always talk to me about all of their problems and such and I was supportive. There always came a time that I realized that they were starting to like me as more than a friend and then I would back off because it's not what I wanted and I knew that it wouldn't even work out anyway. I like to help women and treat them nicely. Both partners should help each other in a relationship. If doing this is a bad thing as some seem to imply, then I'm in real trouble.
threebyfate Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 Is being a rescuer. I observe my frineds relationships and most of them who have a lot of drama with women date women who need rescuing. These are women who have a string of bad relationships and are used and abused by men over and over again. This might not be PC to say but most of these women are addicted to this. They do not know how to handle a healthy relationship so they end up breaking these men's hearts who treat these women better than any man before has treated them. They either go back to the jerks or they end up dumping all the anger that has built up on to these guys. If a man wants a happy relationship that lasts a woman who has her stuff together on all levels is a must.There are rescuers in either gender. With women, the most nurturing are the rescuer types creating a mother/son relationship dynamic.
hopesndreams Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 There are rescuers in either gender. With women, the most nurturing are the rescuer types creating a mother/son relationship dynamic. That is the woman being the knight in shining armor. Very common.
Recommended Posts