furbaby Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 I have been writing back and forth with a guy on an internet dating site for about a month. I initially contacted him because we had similar interests. I am wary of meeting anyone online, and even though we have been writing to each other for about a month, neither of us has ever mentioned meeting in real life. Our emails to each other have gotten pretty long, and I feel like we know quite a bit about each other now. I feel like we're sort of pen-pals, which I like (I love to write and receive correspondence, and he seems to enjoy writing too). Normally we respond to one another within a day or two of writing, but since my last email, I haven't heard from him in over a week. I noticed that he hadn't logged into the website for a few days, and I wondered if something had happened to him. He's back on again and I still haven't heard from him. I didn't write anything weird or offensive at all in my last message, but I did give him my email address in case he'd rather communicate through normal email instead of this website. I'm not sure why he hasn't responded to me, and I'm not sure if I should email him again and ask what's up. Maybe I should just take a hint that he doesn't want to be in contact anymore? Would you write to him and ask what's going on, or just leave it alone and go on your merry way?
fwang Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 Two possible answers: 1. He is attracted by a girl in reality. 2. he doesn't get that email.
kalikula Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 I would probably leave it. My guess is that he met someone in real life he's interested in, or he just wanted to chat but wasn't really interested in pursuing anything further. Personally I am extremely guilty of doing this.. Oops..
Serenitynow Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 I am wary of meeting anyone online You are online too arent you ? So you joined a dating site but are wary to meet anyone. WHY did you even join then ? WHY did you initiate contact with a guy if you are wary to meet him ? This happened to me a lot on dating sites. Women would contact me and want to email forever and not meet. I wish there was a way of keeping people like you off of dating sites, because all you do is mess it up for everyone that is mature enough to actually pursue a relationship. You are NOT going to learn anything about a guy by emailing him for a month. You NEED to meet the person in public. Maybe he realized the emails were never ending and decided to hang it up. .
USMCHokie Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 He met someone else. This is one of the problems with waiting so long to meet in real life. He'll be more interested in the ones who are actually willing to meet in real life. But it's also strange that he never asked to meet you in person... OR... He was legitimately gone for a week...for work or vacation...but I'm sure he would have mentioned that in an email to you before he left...
Author furbaby Posted July 9, 2010 Author Posted July 9, 2010 You are online too arent you ? So you joined a dating site but are wary to meet anyone. WHY did you even join then ? WHY did you initiate contact with a guy if you are wary to meet him ? This happened to me a lot on dating sites. Women would contact me and want to email forever and not meet. I wish there was a way of keeping people like you off of dating sites, because all you do is mess it up for everyone that is mature enough to actually pursue a relationship. You are NOT going to learn anything about a guy by emailing him for a month. You NEED to meet the person in public. Maybe he realized the emails were never ending and decided to hang it up. . Calm down dude. Both of our profiles indicate that we're not looking to find anything serious on the website, and that was part of the reason why I initially contacted him (I haven't contacted anyone else in my area, and when anyone contacts me I point out immediately that I'm using this website to find friends and pen-pals). He never once asked to meet me or even broached the subject of dating. I make it very clear in my profile that I joined the website to make friends, and that I love correspondence but I'm not keen on meeting anyone at this point. Sorry that you've had bad experiences with other people, but don't make assumptions about me. Just because I'm not looking for exactly what you're looking for doesn't mean that I don't have a right to make friends or have pen-pals or simply look around on the internet.
Author furbaby Posted July 9, 2010 Author Posted July 9, 2010 He met someone else. This is one of the problems with waiting so long to meet in real life. He'll be more interested in the ones who are actually willing to meet in real life. But it's also strange that he never asked to meet you in person... That's OK if he met someone in real life. There was nothing romantic or sexual about our emails, so I viewed it as a more platonic thing. I think it would be polite of him to be like, "Hey, I'm not going to correspond with you anymore because of blah blah blah," but maybe he thinks it's better to blow me off. I don't know, either way I won't email him again. I just think it's weird, especially after all of the long messages we both sent.
Gero Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 Since you contacted him first, he probably wasn't initially attracted to you. Then he got to know you and enjoyed talking to you through emails and was probably just comfortable with that. He probably found someone else that he met in person or whatever and just hasn't had the time or the will to email you back yet. Usually when us guys go on these sites we have to send out like 100 emails to different women just to get a few responses. If he didn't contact you first then no offense, but you probably weren't his type. He probably only sees you as a friend or pen pal as you said and doesn't put a high priority on responding to you now that he has more than likely met someone. That's just my take on the whole thing based on similar experiences I have had with online dating.
robdrm32 Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 just send an email saying "hey, haven't heard from you how are things going?" thats basically saying "did you get my last email or are you ignoring me?" you'll get your answer either way.
sloudrou Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 Calm down dude. Both of our profiles indicate that we're not looking to find anything serious on the website, and that was part of the reason why I initially contacted him (I haven't contacted anyone else in my area, and when anyone contacts me I point out immediately that I'm using this website to find friends and pen-pals). He never once asked to meet me or even broached the subject of dating. I make it very clear in my profile that I joined the website to make friends, and that I love correspondence but I'm not keen on meeting anyone at this point. It's all well and good to say "I'm not looking to meet anybody", but the fact is, most people on dating websites ARE looking to meet at some point. So if you contact someone in whom you have an interest, you NEED to meet them in person as quickly as possible, otherwise it's going to disappear. As someone else said, most men need to send out 100 replies just to get one or two, so what's happened here is that this guy was corresponding with other people while talking to you, and eventually one of those other people agreed to meet him in person. Sorry, but the early bird always gets the worm.
Serenitynow Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 I make it very clear in my profile that I joined the website to make friends, and that I love correspondence but I'm not keen on meeting anyone at this point. lol I love how people add facts to the original story and make it sound like WE all knew this before we posted.
Author furbaby Posted July 10, 2010 Author Posted July 10, 2010 Since you contacted him first, he probably wasn't initially attracted to you. Then he got to know you and enjoyed talking to you through emails and was probably just comfortable with that. He probably found someone else that he met in person or whatever and just hasn't had the time or the will to email you back yet. Usually when us guys go on these sites we have to send out like 100 emails to different women just to get a few responses. If he didn't contact you first then no offense, but you probably weren't his type. He probably only sees you as a friend or pen pal as you said and doesn't put a high priority on responding to you now that he has more than likely met someone. That's just my take on the whole thing based on similar experiences I have had with online dating. Well he's actually never seen my picture. I don't use one because I don't want people to contact me, I like to seek people out. But yeah, even less incentive to want to continue the emails. I figured if he really wanted to see it, he would have asked.
Author furbaby Posted July 10, 2010 Author Posted July 10, 2010 (edited) lol I love how people add facts to the original story and make it sound like WE all knew this before we posted. You made assumptions and jumped to conclusions, so I clarified and elaborated so that you'd be less confused. lol hilarious idk Edited July 10, 2010 by furbaby
Serenitynow Posted July 10, 2010 Posted July 10, 2010 You said you were on a DATING site. Keyword DATING Anyone would assume you would want to meet. .
Author furbaby Posted July 10, 2010 Author Posted July 10, 2010 You said you were on a DATING site. Keyword DATING Anyone would assume you would want to meet. . If this site is ONLY to be used for dating, then why are there options for making friends, activity partners, and pen-pals? Sure, dating is probably its primary purpose for most people, but anyone can use it for those other reasons, and I don't think that's a problem as long as you're clear about your intentions. Sorry that you're upset about your own experiences on dating sites, but I'm a considerate person and I do everything I can to make it clear about what I'm looking for on my profile. And considering I don't even have a picture, most of the people who do correspond with me don't view me as someone to meet and date, but as someone to talk to.
sloudrou Posted July 10, 2010 Posted July 10, 2010 And considering I don't even have a picture, most of the people who do correspond with me don't view me as someone to meet and date, but as someone to talk to. Don't be too quick to assume what other people's intentions are. Just because you don't have a picture doesn't mean you won't get 50 messages from men looking for a dinner date. Clearly, the guy you WERE talking to wanted to date.
Author furbaby Posted July 10, 2010 Author Posted July 10, 2010 Don't be too quick to assume what other people's intentions are. Just because you don't have a picture doesn't mean you won't get 50 messages from men looking for a dinner date. Clearly, the guy you WERE talking to wanted to date. OK, good point, I shouldn't assume. That said, without using a picture, I have not gotten any messages from any guy looking for a dinner date. I've gotten messages from men and women who share similar interests, which has been cool (I'm open to corresponding with anyone). I would hope that the fact that I don't have a picture, and I state several times on my profile that I'm only looking for pen-pals and friends would make my own intentions clear to others. That way, on the off-chance that someone who IS looking for a date contacted me, he wouldn't be so totally shocked when I reiterated what I've written in my profile. If this guy wanted a date, he should have asked or mentioned it? And why would I assume that he wants a date when his profile also states that he's looking for friends? Anyway, I posted this question because I wanted to get some feedback on whether I should email him again or not. I've gotten good answers and I think I'll just move along. I think it's slightly inconsiderate that he halted our correspondence without an explanation, but I'm not pissed or anything. Whatever his reason is his prerogative. He never showed any unpleasantness or hostility in his emails, and again, there was literally zero pressure from him to meet.
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