brainygirl Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 What do you do when you are conflicted about the person you're seeing? On the one hand, he's attractive, funny, fun, smart, kind, and the sex is great. On the other hand, I just moved an hour away for a job, neither of us has gas money, and as much as he likes me, his ideal girlfriend is pretty much the complete opposite of me. (I have three kids and don't want more, he wants to get married and have another kid, I'm not even sure I want to be married again, he sees dating as a step towards marriage) And there are things I know about him that should really really bug me. He doesn't have even a GED, although he's working on it now. He's unemployed, but starting a vocational program. He used to use drugs but now he just drinks a few times a week (but when he drinks, he drinks A LOT). I know these are all "read flags", but then the thought of not seeing him makes me sad. Its pathetic really. So, how do you get over that? I'm not mad at him, he hasn't done one bad thing to me. I like him and I think he has lots of potential, but I know it can't work. Not in the long run.
Star Gazer Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 I like him and I think he has lots of potential, but I know it can't work. Not in the long run. So many women make the mistake of dating a guy because we see potential. But guess what? They are who they are. Minor tweaks and changes can be made, if/when THEY want to improve themselves. But you can't expect it, or enter a relationship knowing those changes would have to occur in order for your to be comfortable. The red flags you mentioned are HUGE, particularly the last one. I'd just tell him honestly but kindly that you're far too different and want different things from life, and set him free to find the right woman for himself.
potrzebie Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 How long have you been together? What does he say about his drinking? It's a difficult decision, despite the red flags, because you're mentioning a lot of attributes that would make any relationship nice; but the drinking is a deal...how much is "a lot" of drinking?
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